Slope 45
10 years ago
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Monday, June 20, 2005
Friday, June 17, 2005
Funny Retorts
I am nobody.
Nobody is perfect.
Therefore, I am perfect.
God is love.
Love is blind.
Ray Charles is blind.
Therefore Ray Charles is blind.
Q. Which is worse, ignorance or apathy?
A. I don't know and I don't care.
24 hours in a day.
24 beers in a case.
Coincidence?
I think not!
No one ever says, "It's only a game." when their team is winning.
Ham and Eggs.
A day's work for a chicken;
A lifetime commitment for a pig.
I still miss my ex.
But my aim is getting better.
To all you virgins:
Thanks for nothing!
If you think there is good in everybody,
you haven't met everybody.
I was only looking at your nametag, honest!
It's a small world,
so you have to use your elbows a lot.
I spent most of my money on whisky, women and cigarettes.
The rest, I just wasted.
It may be your sole purpose in life to simply serve as a warning to others.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
People who say you can't buy happiness, just don't know where to shop.
Join the army.
Travel the world,
meet interesting people,
and kill them.
We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off.
Don't drink and drive.
You might hit a bump and spill something.
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
It's not whether you win or lose but how you place the blame.
If we weren't meant to eat animals then why are they made of meat?
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Red meat is not bad for you.
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
If you are going to lay around the house and drink beer all day, you've gotta start early in the morning.
Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
I want to die asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
I'm not insensitive.
I just don't care.
One good thing about alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.
Artificial itelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Always give 100% at work:
12% Monday
23% Tuesday
40% Wednesday
20% Thursday
5% Friday
The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.
Confession is good for your soul,
but bad for your career.
Meetings.
A practical alternative to work.
To err is human.
To forgive is against company policy.
Tell me again how lucky I am to work here.
I keep forgetting.
If you love something set it free.
If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it.
I think sex is better than logic,
but I can't prove it.
- bumper sticker -
Horn broken. Watch for finger.
Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
Is reading in the bathroom considered multitasking?
Chaos, panic and disorder.
My work here is done.
I can only please one person per day.
Today is not your day.
Tomorrow is not looking good either.
Atheism:
A non-prophet organization.
How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
I don't have a license to kill.
But I do have a learner's permit.
First draw the curve,
Then plot the data.
Life is uncertain...
Eat dessert first!
I pretend to work.
They pretend to pay me.
All I want is less to do,
more time to do it,
and more money
for not getting it done.
Some push the envelope.
Some just lick it.
And some can't find the flap.
The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard.
Wanted:
A meaningful overnight relationship.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy.
Other times, I let her sleep.
I'm busy.
You're ugly.
Have a nice day.
Nobody is perfect.
Therefore, I am perfect.
God is love.
Love is blind.
Ray Charles is blind.
Therefore Ray Charles is blind.
Q. Which is worse, ignorance or apathy?
A. I don't know and I don't care.
24 hours in a day.
24 beers in a case.
Coincidence?
I think not!
No one ever says, "It's only a game." when their team is winning.
Ham and Eggs.
A day's work for a chicken;
A lifetime commitment for a pig.
I still miss my ex.
But my aim is getting better.
To all you virgins:
Thanks for nothing!
If you think there is good in everybody,
you haven't met everybody.
I was only looking at your nametag, honest!
It's a small world,
so you have to use your elbows a lot.
I spent most of my money on whisky, women and cigarettes.
The rest, I just wasted.
It may be your sole purpose in life to simply serve as a warning to others.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
People who say you can't buy happiness, just don't know where to shop.
Join the army.
Travel the world,
meet interesting people,
and kill them.
We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off.
Don't drink and drive.
You might hit a bump and spill something.
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
It's not whether you win or lose but how you place the blame.
If we weren't meant to eat animals then why are they made of meat?
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Red meat is not bad for you.
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
If you are going to lay around the house and drink beer all day, you've gotta start early in the morning.
Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
I want to die asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
I'm not insensitive.
I just don't care.
One good thing about alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.
Artificial itelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Always give 100% at work:
12% Monday
23% Tuesday
40% Wednesday
20% Thursday
5% Friday
The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.
Confession is good for your soul,
but bad for your career.
Meetings.
A practical alternative to work.
To err is human.
To forgive is against company policy.
Tell me again how lucky I am to work here.
I keep forgetting.
If you love something set it free.
If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it.
I think sex is better than logic,
but I can't prove it.
- bumper sticker -
Horn broken. Watch for finger.
Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
Is reading in the bathroom considered multitasking?
Chaos, panic and disorder.
My work here is done.
I can only please one person per day.
Today is not your day.
Tomorrow is not looking good either.
Atheism:
A non-prophet organization.
How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
I don't have a license to kill.
But I do have a learner's permit.
First draw the curve,
Then plot the data.
Life is uncertain...
Eat dessert first!
I pretend to work.
They pretend to pay me.
All I want is less to do,
more time to do it,
and more money
for not getting it done.
Some push the envelope.
Some just lick it.
And some can't find the flap.
The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard.
Wanted:
A meaningful overnight relationship.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy.
Other times, I let her sleep.
I'm busy.
You're ugly.
Have a nice day.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
VIDEO: The Many Faces of Romania
7 mts 38 secs
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
Very interesting video. Interesting and informative.
But towards the end, if Bush's endorsement is supposed to lend any credibility to the little nation, I must say the the makers of the video are sorely mistaken. All that Bush's appearance does is remind one of the fact that Romania was a member in Bush's "coalition of the willing", and trust me, that is not a pleasant memory.
Anyways, Bush aside, the video provides a glimpse into this beautiful country.
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
Very interesting video. Interesting and informative.
But towards the end, if Bush's endorsement is supposed to lend any credibility to the little nation, I must say the the makers of the video are sorely mistaken. All that Bush's appearance does is remind one of the fact that Romania was a member in Bush's "coalition of the willing", and trust me, that is not a pleasant memory.
Anyways, Bush aside, the video provides a glimpse into this beautiful country.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
AUDIO: Andrii Popa - A Romanian folk song
3 mts 29 secs
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
This is a folk song's rendition by Pasarea Colibri. Andrii Popa is a folk-hero, something of a Romanian Robin Hood. Enjoy!
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
This is a folk song's rendition by Pasarea Colibri. Andrii Popa is a folk-hero, something of a Romanian Robin Hood. Enjoy!
Cine trece-n valea seaca Cu hangeru fara teaca Si cu pieptul dezvelit Andrii Popa cel vestit Andrii Popa cel vestit Sapte ani cu voinicie Si-a batut joc de domnie Si tot prada neincetat Andrii Popa hot barbat E haiduc si e vestit Andrii Popa cel voinic E haiduc si e vestit Andrii Popa cel voinic Zi si noapte tot calare Trage fir din drumu mare Si din tara peste tot Fug neferii cat ce pot Fug neferii cu ce pot Caci el are-o pusca plina Cu trei glonti la radacina Si are un murg de patru ani Care musca din dusmani E haiduc si e vestit Andrii Popa cel voinic E haiduc si e vestit Andrii Popa cel voinic E haiduc si e vestit Andrii Popa cel voinic Si are frati de cruce sapte Ce au supt sangele cu lapte Si nu-i pasa de nimic Andrii Popa cel voinic Andrii Popa cel voinic E haiduc si e vestit Andrii Popa cel voinic E haiduc si e vestit Andrii Popa cel voinic E haiduc si e vestit Andrii Popa cel voinic E haiduc si e vestit Andrii Popa cel voinïc | Who roams in the dry valley With the sword unsheathed And open chest Andrii Popa the famous For seven years with bravery He has mocked authorities Robbing constantly Andrii Popa the thiefman He's an outlaw and he's famous Andrii Popa the strong Riding day and night Barricades the big roads And from all over the country Tyrants run away as fast as they can ‘Cause he has a loaded gun with 3 bullets at the root and a 4 years old brown horse which bites enemies And he has seven cross-brothers Who have drunk milk with blood And he cares about nothing Andrii popa the strong |
Saturday, May 21, 2005
It's a dog's life
A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth.
He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please? The dog has money in its mouth, as well."
The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog.
So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. The dog then shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor. The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop.
It opens the big Iron Gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy.
"What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me! "To which the guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."
Moral of the story.....
You may continue to exceed onlookers expectations but shall always fall short of the boss' expectations.
It's a dog's life after all.....
He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please? The dog has money in its mouth, as well."
The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog.
So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. The dog then shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor. The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop.
It opens the big Iron Gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy.
"What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me! "To which the guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."
Moral of the story.....
You may continue to exceed onlookers expectations but shall always fall short of the boss' expectations.
It's a dog's life after all.....
This is Globalization
Question: What is the truest definition of Globalisation?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess . . .
with an Egyptian boyfriend . .
crashes in a French tunnel . . .
driving a German car . . .
with a Dutch engine . . .
driven by a Belgian . . .
who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change
the spelling). . .
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi . . .
on Japanese motorcycles . . ,
treated by an American doctor . . .
using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by an Indian . . .
using Bill Gates's technology and . . .
you're probably reading this on your computer - that use Taiwanese chips . .
and a Korean monitor . . .
assembled by Bangladeshi workers . . .
in a Singapore plant . . .
transported by Indian truck drivers . . .
hijacked by Indonesians . . .
unloaded by Sicilian wharfies . . .
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals . . .
That, my friend, is Globalisation!!
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess . . .
with an Egyptian boyfriend . .
crashes in a French tunnel . . .
driving a German car . . .
with a Dutch engine . . .
driven by a Belgian . . .
who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change
the spelling). . .
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi . . .
on Japanese motorcycles . . ,
treated by an American doctor . . .
using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by an Indian . . .
using Bill Gates's technology and . . .
you're probably reading this on your computer - that use Taiwanese chips . .
and a Korean monitor . . .
assembled by Bangladeshi workers . . .
in a Singapore plant . . .
transported by Indian truck drivers . . .
hijacked by Indonesians . . .
unloaded by Sicilian wharfies . . .
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals . . .
That, my friend, is Globalisation!!
Santa Banta Strike Back
Banta’s son: dad there is some one on the door 2 collect donations for a swimming pool.
Banta: give him a glass of water.
***********************************
Santa singh got his first job, came home and told his parents the good nows. He told them, "but I will not get any vacation until I get married."
His father asked him, “how is that?”
Santa singh explained that the benefit manual says, “vacation time may not be taken until you have had your first anniversary.”
***********************************
Santa : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and the other one is blue with red spots!
Banta : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
***********************************
Santa: What is the difference between a MOSQUITO and a FLY?
Banta: A FLY can FLY but a MOSQUITO cannot MOSQUITO!
***********************************
Banta: When did George Washington die ?
Santa: Two days before his FUNERAL
***********************************
Banta : Tell me five FERROCIOUS animals you can think of...
Santa : 3 Lions and 2 Tigers.
***********************************
Banta singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say. "They should not put up such misleading notices", said Banta singh. "It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE.
***********************************
Santa singh and Banta singh were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other.
Santa singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?
Banta singh : Yes, I have.
Santa singh : Well, my father dug it.
Banta singh : That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?
Santa singh : Yes, I have.
Banta singh : Well, my father killed it.
Banta: give him a glass of water.
***********************************
Santa singh got his first job, came home and told his parents the good nows. He told them, "but I will not get any vacation until I get married."
His father asked him, “how is that?”
Santa singh explained that the benefit manual says, “vacation time may not be taken until you have had your first anniversary.”
***********************************
Santa : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and the other one is blue with red spots!
Banta : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
***********************************
Santa: What is the difference between a MOSQUITO and a FLY?
Banta: A FLY can FLY but a MOSQUITO cannot MOSQUITO!
***********************************
Banta: When did George Washington die ?
Santa: Two days before his FUNERAL
***********************************
Banta : Tell me five FERROCIOUS animals you can think of...
Santa : 3 Lions and 2 Tigers.
***********************************
Banta singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say. "They should not put up such misleading notices", said Banta singh. "It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE.
***********************************
Santa singh and Banta singh were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other.
Santa singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?
Banta singh : Yes, I have.
Santa singh : Well, my father dug it.
Banta singh : That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?
Santa singh : Yes, I have.
Banta singh : Well, my father killed it.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Philosophy and Proof
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, propped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. As is usual for philosophy exams, most students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair.
One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten A when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: "Which chair?"
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, propped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. As is usual for philosophy exams, most students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair.
One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten A when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: "Which chair?"
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Ads I Hate: IBM - I'm Not Like Everybody Else
1 mt 00 secs
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
This ad sucks so badly, that I had to create this special category "Ads I Hate". Seriously, what were they thinking? Probably, this sort of thinking is what led to the downfall of the Big Blue.
I mean, the commercial sets a negative tone right in the beginning with that factory chimney from which cute blue flowers float out. Contrary to whatever the admakers' intention must have been, it looks like a truant, polluting factory. And though the people keep singing the catchily composed "I'm not like everybody else", they all look the same. They all look like automatons churned out of some human factory. I am sure this is not by design.
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
This ad sucks so badly, that I had to create this special category "Ads I Hate". Seriously, what were they thinking? Probably, this sort of thinking is what led to the downfall of the Big Blue.
I mean, the commercial sets a negative tone right in the beginning with that factory chimney from which cute blue flowers float out. Contrary to whatever the admakers' intention must have been, it looks like a truant, polluting factory. And though the people keep singing the catchily composed "I'm not like everybody else", they all look the same. They all look like automatons churned out of some human factory. I am sure this is not by design.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
VIDEO: When the President Talks to God by Bright Eyes
3 mts 07 secs
A warning will appear. Click OK to allow the ActiveX control required to play this video.
Click on image once it becomes available.
Jay Leno had Bright Eyes perform "When the President Talks to God" on his show.
When the president talks to God
Are the conversations brief or long?
Does he ask to rape our women's' rights
And send poor farm kids off to die?
Does God suggest an oil hike
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute all down the line?
Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
I wonder which one plays the better cop
We should find some jobs. the ghetto's broke
No, they're lazy, George, I say we don't
Just give 'em more liquor stores and dirty coke
That's what God recommends
When the president talks to God
Do they drink near beer and go play golf
While they pick which countries to invade
Which Muslim souls still can be saved?
I guess god just calls a spade a spade
When the president talks to God
When the president talks to God
Does he ever think that maybe he's not?
That that voice is just inside his head
When he kneels next to the presidential bed
Does he ever smell his own bullshit
When the president talks to God?
I doubt it
I doubt it
A warning will appear. Click OK to allow the ActiveX control required to play this video.
Click on image once it becomes available.
Jay Leno had Bright Eyes perform "When the President Talks to God" on his show.
When the president talks to God
Are the conversations brief or long?
Does he ask to rape our women's' rights
And send poor farm kids off to die?
Does God suggest an oil hike
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute all down the line?
Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
I wonder which one plays the better cop
We should find some jobs. the ghetto's broke
No, they're lazy, George, I say we don't
Just give 'em more liquor stores and dirty coke
That's what God recommends
When the president talks to God
Do they drink near beer and go play golf
While they pick which countries to invade
Which Muslim souls still can be saved?
I guess god just calls a spade a spade
When the president talks to God
When the president talks to God
Does he ever think that maybe he's not?
That that voice is just inside his head
When he kneels next to the presidential bed
Does he ever smell his own bullshit
When the president talks to God?
I doubt it
I doubt it
It's tough out there for a dick
It ain't easy being a dick!
I've got a head I can't think with...
...an eye I can't see out of...
...I have to hang around with two nuts all the time...
...my closest neighbor is a real asshole...
...my best friend is a pussy...
...and everytime I get excited I throw up :-(
I've got a head I can't think with...
...an eye I can't see out of...
...I have to hang around with two nuts all the time...
...my closest neighbor is a real asshole...
...my best friend is a pussy...
...and everytime I get excited I throw up :-(
Monday, May 09, 2005
About Mahabharat: Wait a minute!
In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students. He is at the 'krishnajanma' part of it.
Masterji: "Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki behind the bars. First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning... Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born..."
Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)
Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole india does not have doubt in mahabharata then how come u have one?"
Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to Kill him, WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL ?
Masterji fainted........................
Masterji: "Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki behind the bars. First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning... Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born..."
Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)
Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole india does not have doubt in mahabharata then how come u have one?"
Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to Kill him, WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL ?
Masterji fainted........................
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
VIDEO: Amitabh Bachchan on Charlie Rose
29 mts 31 secs
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
Friday, April 08, 2005
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Ads I Love: IBM On Demand - Change of Plans
0 mts 31 secs
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
One of the better ads for IBM On Demand solutions.
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
One of the better ads for IBM On Demand solutions.
Monday, April 04, 2005
Blood-type Personality Test
| Blood type | % of people that have it |
| O+ | 40% |
| O- | 7% |
| A+ | 34% |
| A- | 6% |
| B+ | 8% |
| B- | 1% |
| AB+ | 3% |
| AB- | 1% |
TYPE O
You want to be a leader, and when you see something you want, you keep striving until you achieve your goal. You are a trend-setter, loyal, passionate, and self-confident. Your weaknesses include vanity and jealously and a tendency to be too competitive.
TYPE A
You like harmony, peace and organization. You work well with others, and are sensitive, patient and affectionate. Among your weaknesses are stubbornness and an inability to relax.
TYPE B
You're a rugged individualist, who's straightforward and likes to do things your own way. Creative and flexible, you adapt easily to any situation. But your insistence on being independent can sometimes go too far and become a weakness.
TYPE AB
Cool and controlled, you're generally well liked and always put people at ease. You're a natural entertainer who's tactful and fair. But you're standoffish, blunt, and have difficulty making decisions.
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Ads I Love: VW Polo Suicide Bomber
0 mts 22 secs
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A terrorist sets out to explode a car bomb in a busy locale. Unfortunately for him, he chose the wrong car. VW Polo is a tough little car.
A warning alertbox may appear. Click OK to allow the ActiveX control required to play this video.
Click on the image above when it becomes available.
A terrorist sets out to explode a car bomb in a busy locale. Unfortunately for him, he chose the wrong car. VW Polo is a tough little car.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Friday, April 01, 2005
Wisdom of the ages: 7 more lessons from life
1. Having one child makes you a parent; have two and you are a referee.
2. Regular naps prevent ageing... especially if you take them while driving.
3. I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
4. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
5. Don't marry the person you can live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
6. You can't buy love...but you pay heavily for it.
7. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
2. Regular naps prevent ageing... especially if you take them while driving.
3. I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
4. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
5. Don't marry the person you can live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
6. You can't buy love...but you pay heavily for it.
7. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Laloo Prasad Yadav applies to Microsoft
Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply:
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.
Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference:
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap
ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa, par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga:
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Bilva
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.
Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference:
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap
ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa, par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga:
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Bilva
Gujju bhai in an accident
There was once a Gujarati, owning a shop, living in USA called Navneet Bhai Patel, who was involved in a car accident. At the hospital, when he awoke, he called for the nurse to ask, what had happened to him.
I'm very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash. "Car crash! My Corolla! Is my car all right?" he asked hysterically.
"Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries -you lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save it," she said apologetically.
"I lost my arm? OH..My Swiss Watch! My Swiss Watch!"
"Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your worries. You are in a very critical condition, but all your family is here to see you."
He asked for his family to be called in. As they gathered around the bed, he called for each of them by name.
"Alpa, are you here?" "I am here husband, and I will never leave you."
"Diness, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Kalpess, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Kamless, my child, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Paress, my child, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Well"..... said Navneet Bhai thoughtfully.....
"Alpa, Diness, Kalpess, Paress and Kamless are here..... If all of you are here ? THEN WHO THE HELL IS IN THE SHOP!!!!!????".
I'm very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash. "Car crash! My Corolla! Is my car all right?" he asked hysterically.
"Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries -you lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save it," she said apologetically.
"I lost my arm? OH..My Swiss Watch! My Swiss Watch!"
"Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your worries. You are in a very critical condition, but all your family is here to see you."
He asked for his family to be called in. As they gathered around the bed, he called for each of them by name.
"Alpa, are you here?" "I am here husband, and I will never leave you."
"Diness, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Kalpess, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Kamless, my child, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Paress, my child, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Well"..... said Navneet Bhai thoughtfully.....
"Alpa, Diness, Kalpess, Paress and Kamless are here..... If all of you are here ? THEN WHO THE HELL IS IN THE SHOP!!!!!????".
Monday, March 28, 2005
The 3 Wishes and the Smarts of the Sexes
A mother told her 16 yrs old daughter that if she will pray for 4 years regularly than an Angel will come to her dreams and grant her 3 wishes. So she decided to do it. When she completed 4 yrs successfully, an "Angel" really came in her dreams. Here's the dialog that ensued:
Angel: O Girl, you have prayed regularly during the last 4 yrs, so I am very pleased with you. I will grant you 3 wishes. You can ask anything you like, but there is one condition.
Girl: Condition! What is that?
Angel: Don't you have a boy-friend?
Girl: Yes, I do indeed.
Angel: When you were busy praying, he was waiting for you, so he has sacrificed the same as you. And since he didn't know about the wishes, his sacrifice is even greater. So whatever you will ask for, he will get 10 times more than you. If you agree, then let's get down to business.
Girl: (After a moment of silence): Yes, I am ready.
Girl: 1st, Make me 10 times richer than the richest person in the world.
Angel: But your boy-friend will be 100 times richer than the richest person in the world.
Girl: That's okay, as we will be the two richest people on earth, and I will be the only one in the same league as him.
Angel: Be as you wish!
Girl: 2nd, Make me 10 times more beautiful than the most beautiful girl in the world.
Angel: But your boy-friend will become 10 times more handsome than the most handsome boy in the world.
Girl: That's okay, as I will be the only match for him.
Angel: Be as you wish. Now for the last wish.
Girl: O Angel, please give me a MILD HEART-ATTACK.
Angel: What? Are you sure!
Girl: Yes. Very sure!
Angel: Be as you wish.
Think friends,
Girls are so smart! The boy-friend suffered a severe heart-attack and died, while the girl lived on to be the richest and most beautiful person on the planet.
Moral of the story: Girls are really intellitent - much more than they are given credit for. So, be careful boys!
Now, girls please stop reading ... boys continue till the end of the mail .....
=============================
Hey boys, actually that's not what happened. Think about the last wish again. The boyfriend got a heart-attack 10 times milder than the girl's. So the boyfriend became the richest and most beautiful person on the planet and lived longer than the girl.
Moral of the story: Boys, the girls are not really as intelligent as they are given credit for. But it is in your interest to let them think that they are.
Angel: O Girl, you have prayed regularly during the last 4 yrs, so I am very pleased with you. I will grant you 3 wishes. You can ask anything you like, but there is one condition.
Girl: Condition! What is that?
Angel: Don't you have a boy-friend?
Girl: Yes, I do indeed.
Angel: When you were busy praying, he was waiting for you, so he has sacrificed the same as you. And since he didn't know about the wishes, his sacrifice is even greater. So whatever you will ask for, he will get 10 times more than you. If you agree, then let's get down to business.
Girl: (After a moment of silence): Yes, I am ready.
Girl: 1st, Make me 10 times richer than the richest person in the world.
Angel: But your boy-friend will be 100 times richer than the richest person in the world.
Girl: That's okay, as we will be the two richest people on earth, and I will be the only one in the same league as him.
Angel: Be as you wish!
Girl: 2nd, Make me 10 times more beautiful than the most beautiful girl in the world.
Angel: But your boy-friend will become 10 times more handsome than the most handsome boy in the world.
Girl: That's okay, as I will be the only match for him.
Angel: Be as you wish. Now for the last wish.
Girl: O Angel, please give me a MILD HEART-ATTACK.
Angel: What? Are you sure!
Girl: Yes. Very sure!
Angel: Be as you wish.
Think friends,
Girls are so smart! The boy-friend suffered a severe heart-attack and died, while the girl lived on to be the richest and most beautiful person on the planet.
Moral of the story: Girls are really intellitent - much more than they are given credit for. So, be careful boys!
Now, girls please stop reading ... boys continue till the end of the mail .....
=============================
Hey boys, actually that's not what happened. Think about the last wish again. The boyfriend got a heart-attack 10 times milder than the girl's. So the boyfriend became the richest and most beautiful person on the planet and lived longer than the girl.
Moral of the story: Boys, the girls are not really as intelligent as they are given credit for. But it is in your interest to let them think that they are.
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Mind-blowing Characterization
Airport
He threw the coke can into the dustbin. He was careful not to spill the left over coke on the dustbin because it looked so clean. He walked towards the row of check-in counters and found his airline counter. There was one old man and a woman talking to the cute looking airport staff at the counter. There was one counter named Information. He directly went for that and enquired about the delay in the scheduled flight. He was informed due to some technical snag the flight is delayed by an hour.
"Can't they do anything proper in this goddamn country" he walked away from the counter.
He saw the old couple struggling with their hand luggage. He felt sorry for them and walked towards them and helped them carrying their luggage.
He took them to the check-in gate and had them seated. He took a seat near by to them.
"You are also waiting for the same flight?" the old woman asked with lot of love.
"Yes Mam" he replied.
She offered him a cookie. He took it and tasted it.
"Thanks for the cookie Mam it is very tasty."
"She always makes the best cookie" the old man told which made the woman blush.
He kept his bag between his legs and took out a magazine and poured over it.
His attention was brought back to the real world by a child crying. He turned to see a small child was getting beaten by its mother. His fists clenched on seeing the lady's act and he immediately got off from his seat and went to the lady and stopped her act.
"Are you crazy? Such a lovely child" he took the crying child in his arms and kissed it.
The mother angrily took the child back from him gave him a cold stare and went to her seat.
"Crazy people" he shook his head and walked back to his seat.
The announcement came that the flight was ready for boarding.
He saw people rushing to the boarding gate. He saw the old couple struggling. He helped them get in.
Everybody was seated. The child who was beaten by the lady was now smiling at him. The child had a toy in his hand. The doors shut and the flight started its course on the runway.
"Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen this is the pilot.." the voice came through the internal speakers.
The flight took off without any issues. He sighed and unbuckled his seat belt. He felt uncomfortable wearing it. He walked towards the restroom.
The old lady smiled at him. He smiled back. He walked past the kid and gave a light pinch on its cheek. He looked at the mother of the child and said "Sorry."
He came to the restroom closed the door. He washed his face. Took the paper towel and dried his face. He could still smell the cookies in his hand. He smiled to himself.
He removed his shirt. There was a flat plate attached to his stomach. It had a feather touch button with inscription "Press to blast".
He pressed.
He threw the coke can into the dustbin. He was careful not to spill the left over coke on the dustbin because it looked so clean. He walked towards the row of check-in counters and found his airline counter. There was one old man and a woman talking to the cute looking airport staff at the counter. There was one counter named Information. He directly went for that and enquired about the delay in the scheduled flight. He was informed due to some technical snag the flight is delayed by an hour.
"Can't they do anything proper in this goddamn country" he walked away from the counter.
He saw the old couple struggling with their hand luggage. He felt sorry for them and walked towards them and helped them carrying their luggage.
He took them to the check-in gate and had them seated. He took a seat near by to them.
"You are also waiting for the same flight?" the old woman asked with lot of love.
"Yes Mam" he replied.
She offered him a cookie. He took it and tasted it.
"Thanks for the cookie Mam it is very tasty."
"She always makes the best cookie" the old man told which made the woman blush.
He kept his bag between his legs and took out a magazine and poured over it.
His attention was brought back to the real world by a child crying. He turned to see a small child was getting beaten by its mother. His fists clenched on seeing the lady's act and he immediately got off from his seat and went to the lady and stopped her act.
"Are you crazy? Such a lovely child" he took the crying child in his arms and kissed it.
The mother angrily took the child back from him gave him a cold stare and went to her seat.
"Crazy people" he shook his head and walked back to his seat.
The announcement came that the flight was ready for boarding.
He saw people rushing to the boarding gate. He saw the old couple struggling. He helped them get in.
Everybody was seated. The child who was beaten by the lady was now smiling at him. The child had a toy in his hand. The doors shut and the flight started its course on the runway.
"Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen this is the pilot.." the voice came through the internal speakers.
The flight took off without any issues. He sighed and unbuckled his seat belt. He felt uncomfortable wearing it. He walked towards the restroom.
The old lady smiled at him. He smiled back. He walked past the kid and gave a light pinch on its cheek. He looked at the mother of the child and said "Sorry."
He came to the restroom closed the door. He washed his face. Took the paper towel and dried his face. He could still smell the cookies in his hand. He smiled to himself.
He removed his shirt. There was a flat plate attached to his stomach. It had a feather touch button with inscription "Press to blast".
He pressed.
Points to Ponder
* Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
* When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
* The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
* Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
* Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
* Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
* It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
* I love being a writer...what I can't stand is the paperwork.
* A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
* The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
* The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
* In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
* If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
* If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
* Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
* It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
* I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
* Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
* The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
* When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
* The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
* Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
* Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
* Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
* It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
* I love being a writer...what I can't stand is the paperwork.
* A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
* The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
* The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
* In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
* If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
* If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
* Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
* It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
* I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
* Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
* The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
Friday, March 18, 2005
I Just Want to Say I Love You
Ewww...but what the heck, here goes...
Peter and Tina were sitting in the park just gazing into the sky, while all their friends were having fun with their beloved partners.
Tina: I'm so bored. Just wish I have a boyfriend now to spend time with.
Peter: I guess we're the only leftovers. We're the only person who isn't with a date now. (both sigh in silence for a while)
Tina: I think I have a good idea. Lets play a game
Peter: Eh? What game?
Tina: Eem..It's quite simple. You be my boyfriend for 100 days and I'll be your girlfriend for 100 days. what do you think?
Peter: Oookay..Anyway I don't have any plan for the next few months.
Tina: You sound like you aren't looking forward to it at all. Cheer up. Today will be our first day and our first date. Where should we go?
Peter: What about a movie? I heard that there is a really great movie in theater now.
Tina: Seems like I don't have any better idea than this. Lets move. (went to watch their movies and sent each other home)
Day 2:
Peter and Tina went to a concert together, and Peter bought Tina a keychain with a star.
Day 3:
They went shopping together for a friend's birthday present. Share an ice-cream together and hugged each other for the first time.
Day 7:
Peter drove Tina up onto a mountain and they watch the sunset together. When the night came and the moon glowed, they said sat on the grass gazing at the stars together. A meteor passed by. Tina mumbled something.
Day 25:
Spent time at a theme-park, got onto roller-coasters, and ate hot-dogs and cotton-candy. Peter and Tina got in the haunted house and Tina grabbed someone's hand instead of Peter's hand by accident. They laughed together for a while.
Day 67:
They drove past a circus and decided to get in to watch the show. The midget asked Tina to play a part as his assistant in the magic show. Went around to see other entertainments around after the show. Came to a fortune teller and she just said "Treasure every moment from now on" and a tear rolled down the fortune teller's cheek.
Day 84:
Tina suggested that they go to the beach. The beach wasn't so crowded that day. They have their first kiss with each other just as the sun is setting.
Day 99:
They decided to have a simple day and to walk around the city. They sit together on a park-bench for a while.
1:23 pm
Tina: I'm thirsty. Let's rest for a while first.
Peter: Wait here while I go buy some drinks. What would you like?
Tina: Eem...Apple juice will be just fine.
1:43 pm
Tina had been waiting for about 20 minutes and Peter hadn't returned. Then someone walked up to her.
Stranger: Is your name Tina?
Tina: Yes, and may I help you?
Stranger: Just down the street a drunk driver has hit a young guy. I think he's your friend.
Tina ran over to the spot and saw Peter lying on the road soaked in blood. He still had a bottle of apple juice in his hands. The ambulance came and Tina rode to the hospital with Peter. She waited outside the operation theater for five and a half hours. The doctor came out and sighed.
11:51 pm
Doctor: I'm sorry. We did the best we could, but he won't make it. He is still breathing but God would take him away from us very soon. We found this letter inside his pocket. The doctor reached out and handed over the letter to Tina who ran into the OT to see Peter. He looked weak but peaceful. Tina read the letter burst into tears. Here is what the letter said:
"Tina, our 100 days are almost over. I had fun with you through these days. Although I may, at times, be greedy and less thoughtful, but you brought happiness into my life. I have realized that you are a really nice girl and I am to blame for never having taken the time to know you. I don't have a lot to ask for, but just wish that we can extend the day. I want to be your boyfriend forever and wish that you can be by my side all the time. Tina, I love you."
11:58
Tina: (sobbing) Peter! Did you know what was the wish I made on the night there was a shooting star? I asked God to let us last forever. So Peter! Don't leave me! I LOVE YOU, but can you come back to me now? I love you Peter. I LOVE YOU.
As the clock struck twelve, Peter's heart stopped beating. It was 100 days.
Peter and Tina were sitting in the park just gazing into the sky, while all their friends were having fun with their beloved partners.
Tina: I'm so bored. Just wish I have a boyfriend now to spend time with.
Peter: I guess we're the only leftovers. We're the only person who isn't with a date now. (both sigh in silence for a while)
Tina: I think I have a good idea. Lets play a game
Peter: Eh? What game?
Tina: Eem..It's quite simple. You be my boyfriend for 100 days and I'll be your girlfriend for 100 days. what do you think?
Peter: Oookay..Anyway I don't have any plan for the next few months.
Tina: You sound like you aren't looking forward to it at all. Cheer up. Today will be our first day and our first date. Where should we go?
Peter: What about a movie? I heard that there is a really great movie in theater now.
Tina: Seems like I don't have any better idea than this. Lets move. (went to watch their movies and sent each other home)
Day 2:
Peter and Tina went to a concert together, and Peter bought Tina a keychain with a star.
Day 3:
They went shopping together for a friend's birthday present. Share an ice-cream together and hugged each other for the first time.
Day 7:
Peter drove Tina up onto a mountain and they watch the sunset together. When the night came and the moon glowed, they said sat on the grass gazing at the stars together. A meteor passed by. Tina mumbled something.
Day 25:
Spent time at a theme-park, got onto roller-coasters, and ate hot-dogs and cotton-candy. Peter and Tina got in the haunted house and Tina grabbed someone's hand instead of Peter's hand by accident. They laughed together for a while.
Day 67:
They drove past a circus and decided to get in to watch the show. The midget asked Tina to play a part as his assistant in the magic show. Went around to see other entertainments around after the show. Came to a fortune teller and she just said "Treasure every moment from now on" and a tear rolled down the fortune teller's cheek.
Day 84:
Tina suggested that they go to the beach. The beach wasn't so crowded that day. They have their first kiss with each other just as the sun is setting.
Day 99:
They decided to have a simple day and to walk around the city. They sit together on a park-bench for a while.
1:23 pm
Tina: I'm thirsty. Let's rest for a while first.
Peter: Wait here while I go buy some drinks. What would you like?
Tina: Eem...Apple juice will be just fine.
1:43 pm
Tina had been waiting for about 20 minutes and Peter hadn't returned. Then someone walked up to her.
Stranger: Is your name Tina?
Tina: Yes, and may I help you?
Stranger: Just down the street a drunk driver has hit a young guy. I think he's your friend.
Tina ran over to the spot and saw Peter lying on the road soaked in blood. He still had a bottle of apple juice in his hands. The ambulance came and Tina rode to the hospital with Peter. She waited outside the operation theater for five and a half hours. The doctor came out and sighed.
11:51 pm
Doctor: I'm sorry. We did the best we could, but he won't make it. He is still breathing but God would take him away from us very soon. We found this letter inside his pocket. The doctor reached out and handed over the letter to Tina who ran into the OT to see Peter. He looked weak but peaceful. Tina read the letter burst into tears. Here is what the letter said:
"Tina, our 100 days are almost over. I had fun with you through these days. Although I may, at times, be greedy and less thoughtful, but you brought happiness into my life. I have realized that you are a really nice girl and I am to blame for never having taken the time to know you. I don't have a lot to ask for, but just wish that we can extend the day. I want to be your boyfriend forever and wish that you can be by my side all the time. Tina, I love you."
11:58
Tina: (sobbing) Peter! Did you know what was the wish I made on the night there was a shooting star? I asked God to let us last forever. So Peter! Don't leave me! I LOVE YOU, but can you come back to me now? I love you Peter. I LOVE YOU.
As the clock struck twelve, Peter's heart stopped beating. It was 100 days.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
VIDEO: Drop it like a FOB (Parody of Drop it like it's Hot)
1 mt 47 secs
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Allow the controller to load above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
Song: Drop it like a FOB (Fresh Off the Boat)
By: Anoop Dogg (Himal and Rakesh)
If you have a lot of chest hair,
Show it like a FOB (x3),
Immigration coming to get you,
Marry like a FOB (x3),
If the ladki gives you attitude,
Love her like a FOB (x3)
I got the chappals on my feet
When I'm walking down the street,
And I make the best saag
When I want something to eat
I am a nice FOB,
I work in the IT,
Call tech support,
And you get me.
I am a bachelor,
And I work hard,
Come and marry me
So I can get the Green-card.
White people, can’t understand me,
Their jobs are now in New Delhi.
1 to the 2, uh to the 3
A.N.Double-O.P.
D.O.Double-G.
Cows in the street
WIth the bugs and the sheep
And I'm sweating so much
Like a lattoo in the heat
Give me a call
Coz I have all the answers
Coz I am the Boss
Of MS DOS
Outsourcing me
For a lower gauche
You should think about it
Take a second
Yo doll,
I'm on the other line
So please call back
We'll talk another time
If you have a lot of chest hair,
Show it like a FOB (x3),
Immigration coming to get you,
Marry like a FOB (x3),
If the ladki gives you attitude,
Love her like a FOB (x3)
I got the chappals on my feet
When I'm walking down the street,
And I make the best saag
When I want something to eat
If you don't know Snoop Dogg's original Drop It Like It's Hot, play it here:
3 mts 19 secs
A warning will appear. Click OK to allow the ActiveX control required to play this video.
Allow the controller to load above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
A warning will appear. Click OK to allow the ActiveX control required to play this video.
Allow the controller to load above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
Song: Drop it like a FOB (Fresh Off the Boat)
By: Anoop Dogg (Himal and Rakesh)
If you have a lot of chest hair,
Show it like a FOB (x3),
Immigration coming to get you,
Marry like a FOB (x3),
If the ladki gives you attitude,
Love her like a FOB (x3)
I got the chappals on my feet
When I'm walking down the street,
And I make the best saag
When I want something to eat
I am a nice FOB,
I work in the IT,
Call tech support,
And you get me.
I am a bachelor,
And I work hard,
Come and marry me
So I can get the Green-card.
White people, can’t understand me,
Their jobs are now in New Delhi.
1 to the 2, uh to the 3
A.N.Double-O.P.
D.O.Double-G.
Cows in the street
WIth the bugs and the sheep
And I'm sweating so much
Like a lattoo in the heat
Give me a call
Coz I have all the answers
Coz I am the Boss
Of MS DOS
Outsourcing me
For a lower gauche
You should think about it
Take a second
Yo doll,
I'm on the other line
So please call back
We'll talk another time
If you have a lot of chest hair,
Show it like a FOB (x3),
Immigration coming to get you,
Marry like a FOB (x3),
If the ladki gives you attitude,
Love her like a FOB (x3)
I got the chappals on my feet
When I'm walking down the street,
And I make the best saag
When I want something to eat
If you don't know Snoop Dogg's original Drop It Like It's Hot, play it here:
3 mts 19 secs
A warning will appear. Click OK to allow the ActiveX control required to play this video.
Allow the controller to load above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Another Perception Management Story
A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom."
With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: Dear Mom, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.
I've been finding real passion with John and he is so nice-even with all his piercing, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion mom, I'm pregnant and John said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. John taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so John can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your daughter,
Judith
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer.
I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home
[This, my friends, is called "anchoring" in management speak]
Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom."
With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: Dear Mom, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.
I've been finding real passion with John and he is so nice-even with all his piercing, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion mom, I'm pregnant and John said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. John taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so John can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your daughter,
Judith
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer.
I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home
[This, my friends, is called "anchoring" in management speak]
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Choosing between good and evil
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
Thought for the day ......
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
Thought for the day ......
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Perception Management Story
Grandmother was pretending to be lost in prayer, but her prayer-beads were spinning at top speed. That meant she was either excited or upset.Mother put the receiver down. "Some American girl in his office, she'scoming to stay with us for a week." She sounded as if she had a deep
foreboding.
Father had no such doubt. He knew the worst was to come. He had been matching horoscopes for a year, but my brother Vivek had found a million excuses for not being able to visit India, call any of the chosen Iyer girls, or in any other way advance father's cause. Father always wore four parallel lines of sacred ash on his forehead. Now there were eight, so deep were the furrows of worry on his forehead. I sat in a corner, supposedly lost in a book, but furiously text-messaging my brother with a vivid description of the scene before me.
A few days later I stood outside the airport with father. He tried not to look directly at any American woman going past, and held up the card reading "Barbara". Finally a large woman stepped out, waved wildly and shouted "Hiiii! Mr. Aayyyezh, how ARE you?" Everyone turned and looked at us. Father shrank visibly before my eyes. Barbara took three long steps and covered father in a tight embrace. Father's jiggling out of it was too funny to watch. I could hear him whispering "Shiva shiva!". She shouted "you must be Vijaantee?" "Yes, Vyjayanthi" I said with a smile. I imagined little half-Indian children calling me "Vijaantee aunty!".
Suddenly, my colorless existence in Madurai had perked up. For at least the next one week, life promised to be quite exciting.
Soon we were eating lunch at home. Barbara had changed into an even shorter skirt. The low neckline of her blouse was just in line with father's eyes. He was glaring at mother as if she had conjured up Barbara just to torture him. Barbara was asking "You only have vegetarian food? Always??" as if the idea was shocking to her. "You know what really goes well with Indian food, especially chicken? Indian beer!" she said with a pleasant smile, seemingly oblivious to the
apoplexy of the gentleman in front of her, or the choking sounds coming from mother. I had to quickly duck under the table to hide my giggles.
Everyone tried to get the facts without asking the one question on all our minds: What was the exact nature of the relationship between Vivek and Barbara? She brought out a laptop computer. "I have some pictures of Vivek" she said. All of us crowded around her. The first picture was
quite innocuous. Vivek was wearing shorts, and standing alone on the beach. In the next photo, he had Barbara draped all over him. She was wearing a skimpy bikini and leaning across, with her hand lovingly circling his neck. Father got up, and flicked the towel off his
shoulder. It was a gesture we in the family had learned to fear. He literally ran to the door and went out. Barbara said "It must be hard for Mr. Aayyezh. He must be missing his son." We didn't have the heart to tell her that if said son had been within reach, father would have
lovingly wrung his neck.
My parents and grandmother apparently had reached an unspoken agreement. They would deal with Vivek later. Right now Barbara was a foreigner, a lone woman, and needed to be treated as an honored guest. It must be said that Barbara didn't make that one bit easy. Soon mother wore a
perpetual frown. Father looked as though he could use some of that famous Indian beer.
Vivek had said he would be in a conference in Guatemala all week, and would be off both phone and email. But Barbara had long lovey-dovey conversations with two other men, one man named Steve and another named Keith. The rest of us strained to hear every interesting word. "I miss
you!" she said to both. She also kept talking with us about Vivek, and about the places they'd visited together. She had pictures to prove it, too. It was all very confusing.
This was the best play I'd watched in a long time. It was even better than the day my cousin ran away with a Telugu Christian girl. My aunt had come howling through the door, though I noticed that she made it to the plushest sofa before falling in a faint. Father said that if it had been his child, the door would have been forever shut in his face. Aunt promptly revived and said "You'll know when it is your child!" How my aunt would rejoice if she knew of Barbara!
On day five of her visit, the family awoke to the awful sound of Barbara's retching. The bathroom door was shut, the water was running, but far louder was the sound of Barbara crying and throwing up at the same time. Mother and grandmother exchanged ominous glances. Barbara
came out, and her face was red. "I don't know why", she said, "I feel queasy in the mornings now." If she had seen as many Indian movies as I'd seen, she'd know why. Mother was standing as if turned to stone. Was she supposed to react with the compassion reserved for pregnant women?
With the criticism reserved for pregnant unmarried women? With the fear reserved for pregnant unmarried foreign women who could embroil one's son in a paternity suit? Mother, who navigated familiar flows of married life with the skill of a champion oarsman, now seemed completely taken off her moorings. She seemed to hope that if she didn't react it might all disappear like a bad dream.
I made a mental note to not leave home at all for the next week. Whatever my parents would say to Vivek when they finally got a-hold of him would be too interesting to miss. But they never got a chance. The day Barbara was to leave, we got a terse email from Vivek. "Sorry, still
stuck in Guatemala. Just wanted to mention, another friend of mine, Sameera Sheikh, needs a place to stay. She'll fly in from Hyderabad tomorrow at 10am. Sorry for the trouble."
So there we were, father and I, with a board saying "Sameera". At last a pretty young woman in salwar-khameez saw the board, gave the smallest of smiles, and walked quietly towards us. When she did 'Namaste' to father, I thought I saw his eyes mist up. She took my hand in the friendliest way and said "Hello, Vyjayanthi, I've heard so much about you." I fell in love with her. In the car father was unusually friendly. She and Vivek had been in the same group of friends in Ohio University. She now worked as a Child Psychologist.
She didn't seem to be too bad at family psychology either. She took out a shawl for grandmother, a saree for mother and Hyderabadi bangles for me. "Just some small things. I have to meet a professor at Madurai university, and it's so nice of you to let me stay" she said. Everyone cheered up. Even grandmother smiled. At lunch she said "This is so nice. When I make sambar, it comes out like chole, and my chole tastes just like sambar". Mother was smiling. "Oh just watch for 2 days, you'll pick it up." Grandmother had never allowed a muslim to enter the kitchen. But mother seemed to have taken charge, and decided she would bring in who
ever she felt was worthy. Sameera circumspectly stayed out of the puja room, but on the third day, I was stunned to see father inviting her in and telling her which idols had come to him from his father. "God is one" he said. Sameera nodded sagely.
By the fifth day, I could see the thought forming in the family's collective brains. If this fellow had to choose his own bride, why couldn't it be someone like Sameera? On the sixth day, when Vivek called from the airport saying he had cut short his Gautemala trip and was on his way home, all had a million things to discuss with him. He arrived by taxi at a time when Sameera had gone to the University. "So, how was Barbara's visit?" he asked blithely. "How do you know her?" mother asked sternly. "She's my secretary" he said. "She works very hard, and she'll do anything to help." He turned and winked at me. Oh, I got the plot now!
By the time Sameera returned home that evening, it was almost as if her joining the family was the elders' idea. "Don't worry about anything", they said, "we'll talk with your parents."
On the wedding day a huge bouquet arrived from Barbara.
"Flight to India - $1500.
Indian kurta - $5.
Emetic to throw up - $1.
The look on your parents' faces - priceless !! " it said.
foreboding.
Father had no such doubt. He knew the worst was to come. He had been matching horoscopes for a year, but my brother Vivek had found a million excuses for not being able to visit India, call any of the chosen Iyer girls, or in any other way advance father's cause. Father always wore four parallel lines of sacred ash on his forehead. Now there were eight, so deep were the furrows of worry on his forehead. I sat in a corner, supposedly lost in a book, but furiously text-messaging my brother with a vivid description of the scene before me.
A few days later I stood outside the airport with father. He tried not to look directly at any American woman going past, and held up the card reading "Barbara". Finally a large woman stepped out, waved wildly and shouted "Hiiii! Mr. Aayyyezh, how ARE you?" Everyone turned and looked at us. Father shrank visibly before my eyes. Barbara took three long steps and covered father in a tight embrace. Father's jiggling out of it was too funny to watch. I could hear him whispering "Shiva shiva!". She shouted "you must be Vijaantee?" "Yes, Vyjayanthi" I said with a smile. I imagined little half-Indian children calling me "Vijaantee aunty!".
Suddenly, my colorless existence in Madurai had perked up. For at least the next one week, life promised to be quite exciting.
Soon we were eating lunch at home. Barbara had changed into an even shorter skirt. The low neckline of her blouse was just in line with father's eyes. He was glaring at mother as if she had conjured up Barbara just to torture him. Barbara was asking "You only have vegetarian food? Always??" as if the idea was shocking to her. "You know what really goes well with Indian food, especially chicken? Indian beer!" she said with a pleasant smile, seemingly oblivious to the
apoplexy of the gentleman in front of her, or the choking sounds coming from mother. I had to quickly duck under the table to hide my giggles.
Everyone tried to get the facts without asking the one question on all our minds: What was the exact nature of the relationship between Vivek and Barbara? She brought out a laptop computer. "I have some pictures of Vivek" she said. All of us crowded around her. The first picture was
quite innocuous. Vivek was wearing shorts, and standing alone on the beach. In the next photo, he had Barbara draped all over him. She was wearing a skimpy bikini and leaning across, with her hand lovingly circling his neck. Father got up, and flicked the towel off his
shoulder. It was a gesture we in the family had learned to fear. He literally ran to the door and went out. Barbara said "It must be hard for Mr. Aayyezh. He must be missing his son." We didn't have the heart to tell her that if said son had been within reach, father would have
lovingly wrung his neck.
My parents and grandmother apparently had reached an unspoken agreement. They would deal with Vivek later. Right now Barbara was a foreigner, a lone woman, and needed to be treated as an honored guest. It must be said that Barbara didn't make that one bit easy. Soon mother wore a
perpetual frown. Father looked as though he could use some of that famous Indian beer.
Vivek had said he would be in a conference in Guatemala all week, and would be off both phone and email. But Barbara had long lovey-dovey conversations with two other men, one man named Steve and another named Keith. The rest of us strained to hear every interesting word. "I miss
you!" she said to both. She also kept talking with us about Vivek, and about the places they'd visited together. She had pictures to prove it, too. It was all very confusing.
This was the best play I'd watched in a long time. It was even better than the day my cousin ran away with a Telugu Christian girl. My aunt had come howling through the door, though I noticed that she made it to the plushest sofa before falling in a faint. Father said that if it had been his child, the door would have been forever shut in his face. Aunt promptly revived and said "You'll know when it is your child!" How my aunt would rejoice if she knew of Barbara!
On day five of her visit, the family awoke to the awful sound of Barbara's retching. The bathroom door was shut, the water was running, but far louder was the sound of Barbara crying and throwing up at the same time. Mother and grandmother exchanged ominous glances. Barbara
came out, and her face was red. "I don't know why", she said, "I feel queasy in the mornings now." If she had seen as many Indian movies as I'd seen, she'd know why. Mother was standing as if turned to stone. Was she supposed to react with the compassion reserved for pregnant women?
With the criticism reserved for pregnant unmarried women? With the fear reserved for pregnant unmarried foreign women who could embroil one's son in a paternity suit? Mother, who navigated familiar flows of married life with the skill of a champion oarsman, now seemed completely taken off her moorings. She seemed to hope that if she didn't react it might all disappear like a bad dream.
I made a mental note to not leave home at all for the next week. Whatever my parents would say to Vivek when they finally got a-hold of him would be too interesting to miss. But they never got a chance. The day Barbara was to leave, we got a terse email from Vivek. "Sorry, still
stuck in Guatemala. Just wanted to mention, another friend of mine, Sameera Sheikh, needs a place to stay. She'll fly in from Hyderabad tomorrow at 10am. Sorry for the trouble."
So there we were, father and I, with a board saying "Sameera". At last a pretty young woman in salwar-khameez saw the board, gave the smallest of smiles, and walked quietly towards us. When she did 'Namaste' to father, I thought I saw his eyes mist up. She took my hand in the friendliest way and said "Hello, Vyjayanthi, I've heard so much about you." I fell in love with her. In the car father was unusually friendly. She and Vivek had been in the same group of friends in Ohio University. She now worked as a Child Psychologist.
She didn't seem to be too bad at family psychology either. She took out a shawl for grandmother, a saree for mother and Hyderabadi bangles for me. "Just some small things. I have to meet a professor at Madurai university, and it's so nice of you to let me stay" she said. Everyone cheered up. Even grandmother smiled. At lunch she said "This is so nice. When I make sambar, it comes out like chole, and my chole tastes just like sambar". Mother was smiling. "Oh just watch for 2 days, you'll pick it up." Grandmother had never allowed a muslim to enter the kitchen. But mother seemed to have taken charge, and decided she would bring in who
ever she felt was worthy. Sameera circumspectly stayed out of the puja room, but on the third day, I was stunned to see father inviting her in and telling her which idols had come to him from his father. "God is one" he said. Sameera nodded sagely.
By the fifth day, I could see the thought forming in the family's collective brains. If this fellow had to choose his own bride, why couldn't it be someone like Sameera? On the sixth day, when Vivek called from the airport saying he had cut short his Gautemala trip and was on his way home, all had a million things to discuss with him. He arrived by taxi at a time when Sameera had gone to the University. "So, how was Barbara's visit?" he asked blithely. "How do you know her?" mother asked sternly. "She's my secretary" he said. "She works very hard, and she'll do anything to help." He turned and winked at me. Oh, I got the plot now!
By the time Sameera returned home that evening, it was almost as if her joining the family was the elders' idea. "Don't worry about anything", they said, "we'll talk with your parents."
On the wedding day a huge bouquet arrived from Barbara.
"Flight to India - $1500.
Indian kurta - $5.
Emetic to throw up - $1.
The look on your parents' faces - priceless !! " it said.
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Ladies, here's the truth about men
1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
Friday, March 04, 2005
Calling a Spade a Spade: Some Facts
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....what more can I say?
If your father is a poor man it is your fate,
but if your father-in-law is a poor man it's your stupidity.
I was born intelligent - education ruined me.
Practice makes perfect. But nobody's perfect. So why practice?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Money is not everything.
There's MasterCard & Visa.
One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
The wise never marry.
If and when they do, they become otherwise.
Success is a relative term.
It brings many relatives.
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off till the day after.
"Your future depends on your dreams"
Go to sleep
There should be a better way to start a day
than waking up every morning
"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk
"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn?
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....what more can I say?
If your father is a poor man it is your fate,
but if your father-in-law is a poor man it's your stupidity.
I was born intelligent - education ruined me.
Practice makes perfect. But nobody's perfect. So why practice?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Money is not everything.
There's MasterCard & Visa.
One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
The wise never marry.
If and when they do, they become otherwise.
Success is a relative term.
It brings many relatives.
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off till the day after.
"Your future depends on your dreams"
Go to sleep
There should be a better way to start a day
than waking up every morning
"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk
"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn?
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Q&A
Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Just drop it; concrete floors are very hard to crack!
Q. If it took 8 men 10 hours to build a wall, how long would it take 4 men to build it?
A. No time at all because it has already been built.
Q. If you had 3 apples and 4 oranges in one hand and 4 apples and 3 oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. Once you find me an elephant with one hand, I'll lift it with a crane.
Q. How can a man go 8 days without sleep?
A. No Problems as he can sleep at night.
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?
A. It will become sunken.
Q. What looks like a half apple?
A: The other half.
A. Just drop it; concrete floors are very hard to crack!
Q. If it took 8 men 10 hours to build a wall, how long would it take 4 men to build it?
A. No time at all because it has already been built.
Q. If you had 3 apples and 4 oranges in one hand and 4 apples and 3 oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. Once you find me an elephant with one hand, I'll lift it with a crane.
Q. How can a man go 8 days without sleep?
A. No Problems as he can sleep at night.
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?
A. It will become sunken.
Q. What looks like a half apple?
A: The other half.
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Ads I Love: Talk Talk
0 mts 41 secs
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
Here's one phone company ad that is different from the herd. The ad agency actually did apply some thought into the conceptualization and execution.
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
Here's one phone company ad that is different from the herd. The ad agency actually did apply some thought into the conceptualization and execution.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Ads I Love: Companhia Athletica
0 mts 21 secs
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
Here's something to motivate you to get in shape: If you don't, the infant may start sucking on your male breasts.
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
Here's something to motivate you to get in shape: If you don't, the infant may start sucking on your male breasts.
Not Another Sardarji Joke
A sardarji enters a contest to win a million dollar prize. The questions were as follows:
1) How long was the 100 year war?
A) 116 B) 99 C) 100 D) 150
Sardar says "I will skip this"
2) In which country are the Panama hats made?
A) BRASIL B) CHILE C) PANAMA D) EQUADOR
Sardar asks for help from the University students
3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
A) JANUARY B) SEPTEMBER C) OCTOBER D) NOVEMBER
Sardar asks for help from general public
4) Which of these was King George VI first name?
A) EDER B) ALBERT C) GEORGE D) MANOEL
Sardar asks for lucky cards
5) The Canary Islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:
A) CANARY BIRD B) KANGAROO C) PUPPY D) RAT
Sardar gives up.
Did that make you laugh? Good. Now, if you think of yourself as clever, chew this:
1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453
2) The Panama hat is made in Equador
3) The October revolution is celebrated in November
4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.
5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies.
1) How long was the 100 year war?
A) 116 B) 99 C) 100 D) 150
Sardar says "I will skip this"
2) In which country are the Panama hats made?
A) BRASIL B) CHILE C) PANAMA D) EQUADOR
Sardar asks for help from the University students
3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
A) JANUARY B) SEPTEMBER C) OCTOBER D) NOVEMBER
Sardar asks for help from general public
4) Which of these was King George VI first name?
A) EDER B) ALBERT C) GEORGE D) MANOEL
Sardar asks for lucky cards
5) The Canary Islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:
A) CANARY BIRD B) KANGAROO C) PUPPY D) RAT
Sardar gives up.
Did that make you laugh? Good. Now, if you think of yourself as clever, chew this:
1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453
2) The Panama hat is made in Equador
3) The October revolution is celebrated in November
4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.
5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies.
What Women Want
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah.
This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.
Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No-think of another wish."
The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women....know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment....know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'....know how to make them truly happy...."
The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"
The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah.
This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.
Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No-think of another wish."
The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women....know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment....know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'....know how to make them truly happy...."
The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
CIA Recruiting Test
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!
The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!
The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Monday, February 14, 2005
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Travelling in India? Here's How to Identify the Cities
Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in Kolkata
Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's Mumbai
Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace. The first two get together & beat him up.
That's Delhi
Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a chai-stall
That's Ahmedabad.
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program.
That's BANGALORE
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes in.
That's Chennai.
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are DEFINITELY IN PUNJAB (pick any city)
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in Kolkata
Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's Mumbai
Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace. The first two get together & beat him up.
That's Delhi
Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a chai-stall
That's Ahmedabad.
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program.
That's BANGALORE
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes in.
That's Chennai.
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are DEFINITELY IN PUNJAB (pick any city)
Friday, February 11, 2005
VIDEO: Aishwarya Rai on Late Show with Letterman
7 mts 50 secs
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
Aish appeared in David Letterman's CBS show on Feb 08. Letterman introduced her as the person "often called the most beautiful woman in the world".
While I've been growing disenchanted with the former Miss World for some time, and while many people complained about her "stupid, incessant giggling" on Letterman's show, I found the interview rather charming. Letterman's approach was uncharacteristically cautious and respectful, and Aish came across as nervous, strong and diva-ish. Overall, an interesting interview. Watch for yourself.
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
Aish appeared in David Letterman's CBS show on Feb 08. Letterman introduced her as the person "often called the most beautiful woman in the world".
While I've been growing disenchanted with the former Miss World for some time, and while many people complained about her "stupid, incessant giggling" on Letterman's show, I found the interview rather charming. Letterman's approach was uncharacteristically cautious and respectful, and Aish came across as nervous, strong and diva-ish. Overall, an interesting interview. Watch for yourself.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
VIDEO: Incredible India!
1 mt 01 sec
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
India IS incredible. Happy republic day, countrymen.
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
India IS incredible. Happy republic day, countrymen.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Saturday, January 22, 2005
VIDEO: 405 (Plane Landing)
2 mts 24 secs
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
Ever found a normally busy highway empty? Beware, if you ever do. And beware of the little old ladies. This video tells the story of what happens when a plane lands on a highway instead of the runway.
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
Ever found a normally busy highway empty? Beware, if you ever do. And beware of the little old ladies. This video tells the story of what happens when a plane lands on a highway instead of the runway.
Friday, January 21, 2005
The New 7 Wonders of the World
Boley toh:
1. Apun
2. Apunki smile
3. Apunka style
4. Apunki personality
5. Apunka nature
6. Apunke messages
aur
7. Apunka friend...boley to TUM
1. Apun
2. Apunki smile
3. Apunka style
4. Apunki personality
5. Apunka nature
6. Apunke messages
aur
7. Apunka friend...boley to TUM
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
26 Reasons Why Men Are Proud of Themselves
1. Men know stuff about tanks.
2. A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase.
3. Men can open all their own jars.
4. Men can make decisions without a support group.
5. Men can leave a hotel bed unmade.
6. Men can kill our own food.
7. Men get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
8. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
9. If someone forgets to invite men to something they can still be our friend.
10. Underwear is less than £10 a three-pack.
11. Three pairs of shoes are more than adequate.
12. Men don't have to clean the house if the meter reader is coming.
13. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
14. Men can sit quietly and watch TV with a friend for hours without thinking, "He must be mad at me."
15. Grey hair and wrinkles only add character.
16. Men can drop by and see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
17. If another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit you just might become lifelong friends.
18. Mens pals will never trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
19. Men are not expected to know the names of more than 5 colours.
20. Men are totally unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
21. The same hairstyle lasts for years-maybe decades.
22. We don't have to shave below the neck.
23. A few belches are expected and tolerated.
24. One wallet, one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
25. Men can do their nails with a penknife.
26. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 people on the day before Christmas and be done in 45 minutes.
2. A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase.
3. Men can open all their own jars.
4. Men can make decisions without a support group.
5. Men can leave a hotel bed unmade.
6. Men can kill our own food.
7. Men get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
8. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
9. If someone forgets to invite men to something they can still be our friend.
10. Underwear is less than £10 a three-pack.
11. Three pairs of shoes are more than adequate.
12. Men don't have to clean the house if the meter reader is coming.
13. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
14. Men can sit quietly and watch TV with a friend for hours without thinking, "He must be mad at me."
15. Grey hair and wrinkles only add character.
16. Men can drop by and see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
17. If another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit you just might become lifelong friends.
18. Mens pals will never trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
19. Men are not expected to know the names of more than 5 colours.
20. Men are totally unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
21. The same hairstyle lasts for years-maybe decades.
22. We don't have to shave below the neck.
23. A few belches are expected and tolerated.
24. One wallet, one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
25. Men can do their nails with a penknife.
26. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 people on the day before Christmas and be done in 45 minutes.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
VIDEO: Martin Luther King, Jr. has a dream
0 mts 28 secs
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
For your viewing pleasure, here's a video clip from the historic "I have a dream" speech.
Dr. King uttered these immortal words at the steps of Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C. on August 28, 1963. Here's a transcript:
Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity. But one hundred years later, we must face the tragic fact that the Negro is still not free.
One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land.
So we have come here today to dramatize an appalling condition. In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir.
This note was a promise that all men would be guaranteed the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation.
So we have come to cash this check -- a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to open the doors of opportunity to all of God's children. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.
It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment and to underestimate the determination of the Negro. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights.
The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges. But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.
We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. we must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.
The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny and their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.
We cannot walk alone. And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" we can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.
I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.
Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal." I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers. I have a dream today. I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together. This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring." And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania! Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado! Let freedom ring from the curvaceous peaks of California! But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia! Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee! Let freedom ring from every hill and every molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
For your viewing pleasure, here's a video clip from the historic "I have a dream" speech.
Dr. King uttered these immortal words at the steps of Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C. on August 28, 1963. Here's a transcript:
Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity. But one hundred years later, we must face the tragic fact that the Negro is still not free.
One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land.
So we have come here today to dramatize an appalling condition. In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir.
This note was a promise that all men would be guaranteed the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation.
So we have come to cash this check -- a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to open the doors of opportunity to all of God's children. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.
It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment and to underestimate the determination of the Negro. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights.
The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges. But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.
We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. we must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.
The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny and their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.
We cannot walk alone. And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" we can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.
I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.
Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal." I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers. I have a dream today. I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together. This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring." And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania! Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado! Let freedom ring from the curvaceous peaks of California! But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia! Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee! Let freedom ring from every hill and every molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"
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