Lateral thinking quiz

Truisms/ One-liners

* Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more places.
* Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.
* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
* Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.
* Be careful what rut you choose. You may be in it the rest of your life.
* The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
* When you see the handwriting on the wall, you can bet you're in a public restroom.
* Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
* The real reason you can't take it with you is that it goes before you do.
* Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
* Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
* A closed mouth gathers no feet.
* A man (or woman) who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
* A modern pioneer is a woman who can get through a rainy Saturday with a television on the blink.
* The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them.

Funny Retorts

I am nobody.
Nobody is perfect.
Therefore, I am perfect.

God is love.
Love is blind.
Ray Charles is blind.
Therefore Ray Charles is blind.

Q. Which is worse, ignorance or apathy?
A. I don't know and I don't care.

24 hours in a day.
24 beers in a case.
Coincidence?
I think not!

No one ever says, "It's only a game." when their team is winning.

Ham and Eggs.
A day's work for a chicken;
A lifetime commitment for a pig.

I still miss my ex.
But my aim is getting better.

To all you virgins:
Thanks for nothing!

If you think there is good in everybody,
you haven't met everybody.

I was only looking at your nametag, honest!

It's a small world,
so you have to use your elbows a lot.

I spent most of my money on whisky, women and cigarettes.
The rest, I just wasted.

It may be your sole purpose in life to simply serve as a warning to others.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

People who say you can't buy happiness, just don't know where to shop.

Join the army.
Travel the world,
meet interesting people,
and kill them.

We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off.

Don't drink and drive.
You might hit a bump and spill something.

Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

It's not whether you win or lose but how you place the blame.

If we weren't meant to eat animals then why are they made of meat?

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Red meat is not bad for you.
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

If you are going to lay around the house and drink beer all day, you've gotta start early in the morning.

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

I want to die asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

I'm not insensitive.
I just don't care.

One good thing about alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.

Artificial itelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Always give 100% at work:
12% Monday
23% Tuesday
40% Wednesday
20% Thursday
5% Friday

The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.

Confession is good for your soul,
but bad for your career.

Meetings.
A practical alternative to work.

To err is human.
To forgive is against company policy.

Tell me again how lucky I am to work here.
I keep forgetting.

If you love something set it free.
If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it.

I think sex is better than logic,
but I can't prove it.

- bumper sticker -
Horn broken. Watch for finger.

Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.

The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.

Is reading in the bathroom considered multitasking?

Chaos, panic and disorder.
My work here is done.

I can only please one person per day.
Today is not your day.
Tomorrow is not looking good either.

Atheism:
A non-prophet organization.

How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

I don't have a license to kill.
But I do have a learner's permit.

First draw the curve,
Then plot the data.

Life is uncertain...
Eat dessert first!

I pretend to work.
They pretend to pay me.

All I want is less to do,
more time to do it,
and more money
for not getting it done.

Some push the envelope.
Some just lick it.
And some can't find the flap.

The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard.

Wanted:
A meaningful overnight relationship.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy.
Other times, I let her sleep.

I'm busy.
You're ugly.
Have a nice day.

Wisdom of the ages: 7 more lessons from life

1. Having one child makes you a parent; have two and you are a referee.

2. Regular naps prevent ageing... especially if you take them while driving.

3. I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

4. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

5. Don't marry the person you can live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

6. You can't buy love...but you pay heavily for it.

7. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

Q&A

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Just drop it; concrete floors are very hard to crack!

Q. If it took 8 men 10 hours to build a wall, how long would it take 4 men to build it?
A. No time at all because it has already been built.

Q. If you had 3 apples and 4 oranges in one hand and 4 apples and 3 oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. Once you find me an elephant with one hand, I'll lift it with a crane.

Q. How can a man go 8 days without sleep?
A. No Problems as he can sleep at night.

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?
A. It will become sunken.

Q. What looks like a half apple?
A: The other half.

Wisdom of the ages: 25 lessons from life

1. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.

2. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

3. To let a fool kiss you is stupid, to let a kiss fool you is worse.

4. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

5. Mathematics teachers call retirement 'the aftermath'.

6. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

7. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

8. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

9. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

10. Foreign aid is the transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

11. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

12. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

13. You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

14. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

15. Early to bed, early to rise, your girl goes out with other guys.

16. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

17. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

18. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is husband !

19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.

20. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

21. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

22. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

23. You can't buy love . . but you pay heavily for it.

24. True friends stab you in the front.

25. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

So you think you can think?

An interesting quiz for ur Lateral Thinking abilities - Think !

1. There is a man who lives on the top floor of a very tall building. Everyday he gets the elevator down to the ground floor to leave the building to go to work.Upon returning from work though, he can only travel half way up in the lift and has to walk the rest of the way unless it's raining! Why? (This is probably the best known and most celebrated of all lateral thinking puzzles. It is a true classic. Although there are many possible solutions which fit the initial conditions, only the canonical answer is truly satisfying. )

2. A man and his son are in a car accident. The father dies on the scene, but the child is rushed to the hospital. When he arrives the surgeon says, "I can't operate on this boy, he is my son! " How can this be?

3. A man is wearing black. Black shoes, socks, trousers, lumper, gloves and balaclava. He is walking down a black street with all the street lamps off. A black car is coming towards him with its light off but somehow manages to stop in time. How did the driver see the man?

4. Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones? This is logical rather than lateral, but it is a good puzzle that can be solved by lateral thinking techniques. It is supposedly used by a very well-known software company as an interview question for prospective employees.

5. A man went to a party and drank some of the punch. He then left early. Everyone else at the party who drank the punch subsequently died of poisoning. Why did the man not die?

6. A man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun and points it at the man. The man says 'Thank you' and walks out.
(This puzzle claims to be the best of the genre. It is simple in its
statement, absolutely baffling and yet with a completely satisfying
solution. Most people struggle very hard to solve this one yet they
like the answer when they hear it or have the satisfaction of
figuring it out. )

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Solutions.

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1. The man is very, very short and can only reach halfway up the elevator buttons. However,if it is raining then he will have his umbrella with him and can press the higher buttons with it.

2. The surgeon was his mother.

3. It was day time.

4. A square manhole cover can be turned and dropped down the diagonal of the manhole. A round manhole cannot be dropped down the manhole. So for safety and practicality, all manhole covers should be round.

5. The poison in the punch came from the ice cubes. When the man Drank the punch, the ice was fully frozen. Gradually it melted, poisoning the punch.

6. The man had hiccups. The barman recognized this from his speech and drew the gun in order to give him a shock. It worked and cured the hiccups-so the man no longer needed the water.

16 things that take a lifetime to learn

16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN:
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 21.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine . . . They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.