Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Laloo Prasad Yadav applies to Microsoft

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,

You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks


Bill Gates.


Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference:

"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap
ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa, par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga:
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Bilva

Gujju bhai in an accident

There was once a Gujarati, owning a shop, living in USA called Navneet Bhai Patel, who was involved in a car accident. At the hospital, when he awoke, he called for the nurse to ask, what had happened to him.

I'm very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash. "Car crash! My Corolla! Is my car all right?" he asked hysterically.

"Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries -you lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save it," she said apologetically.

"I lost my arm? OH..My Swiss Watch! My Swiss Watch!"

"Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your worries. You are in a very critical condition, but all your family is here to see you."

He asked for his family to be called in. As they gathered around the bed, he called for each of them by name.

"Alpa, are you here?" "I am here husband, and I will never leave you."

"Diness, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."

"Kalpess, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."

"Kamless, my child, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."

"Paress, my child, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."

"Well"..... said Navneet Bhai thoughtfully.....

"Alpa, Diness, Kalpess, Paress and Kamless are here..... If all of you are here ? THEN WHO THE HELL IS IN THE SHOP!!!!!????".

Monday, March 28, 2005

The 3 Wishes and the Smarts of the Sexes

A mother told her 16 yrs old daughter that if she will pray for 4 years regularly than an Angel will come to her dreams and grant her 3 wishes. So she decided to do it. When she completed 4 yrs successfully, an "Angel" really came in her dreams. Here's the dialog that ensued:

Angel: O Girl, you have prayed regularly during the last 4 yrs, so I am very pleased with you. I will grant you 3 wishes. You can ask anything you like, but there is one condition.

Girl: Condition! What is that?

Angel: Don't you have a boy-friend?

Girl: Yes, I do indeed.

Angel: When you were busy praying, he was waiting for you, so he has sacrificed the same as you. And since he didn't know about the wishes, his sacrifice is even greater. So whatever you will ask for, he will get 10 times more than you. If you agree, then let's get down to business.

Girl: (After a moment of silence): Yes, I am ready.

Girl: 1st, Make me 10 times richer than the richest person in the world.

Angel: But your boy-friend will be 100 times richer than the richest person in the world.

Girl: That's okay, as we will be the two richest people on earth, and I will be the only one in the same league as him.

Angel: Be as you wish!

Girl: 2nd, Make me 10 times more beautiful than the most beautiful girl in the world.

Angel: But your boy-friend will become 10 times more handsome than the most handsome boy in the world.

Girl: That's okay, as I will be the only match for him.

Angel: Be as you wish. Now for the last wish.

Girl: O Angel, please give me a MILD HEART-ATTACK.

Angel: What? Are you sure!

Girl: Yes. Very sure!

Angel: Be as you wish.

Think friends,

Girls are so smart! The boy-friend suffered a severe heart-attack and died, while the girl lived on to be the richest and most beautiful person on the planet.

Moral of the story: Girls are really intellitent - much more than they are given credit for. So, be careful boys!

Now, girls please stop reading ... boys continue till the end of the mail .....

=============================

Hey boys, actually that's not what happened. Think about the last wish again. The boyfriend got a heart-attack 10 times milder than the girl's. So the boyfriend became the richest and most beautiful person on the planet and lived longer than the girl.

Moral of the story: Boys, the girls are not really as intelligent as they are given credit for. But it is in your interest to let them think that they are.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Mind-blowing Characterization

Airport

He threw the coke can into the dustbin. He was careful not to spill the left over coke on the dustbin because it looked so clean. He walked towards the row of check-in counters and found his airline counter. There was one old man and a woman talking to the cute looking airport staff at the counter. There was one counter named Information. He directly went for that and enquired about the delay in the scheduled flight. He was informed due to some technical snag the flight is delayed by an hour.

"Can't they do anything proper in this goddamn country" he walked away from the counter.

He saw the old couple struggling with their hand luggage. He felt sorry for them and walked towards them and helped them carrying their luggage.

He took them to the check-in gate and had them seated. He took a seat near by to them.

"You are also waiting for the same flight?" the old woman asked with lot of love.

"Yes Mam" he replied.

She offered him a cookie. He took it and tasted it.

"Thanks for the cookie Mam it is very tasty."

"She always makes the best cookie" the old man told which made the woman blush.

He kept his bag between his legs and took out a magazine and poured over it.

His attention was brought back to the real world by a child crying. He turned to see a small child was getting beaten by its mother. His fists clenched on seeing the lady's act and he immediately got off from his seat and went to the lady and stopped her act.

"Are you crazy? Such a lovely child" he took the crying child in his arms and kissed it.

The mother angrily took the child back from him gave him a cold stare and went to her seat.

"Crazy people" he shook his head and walked back to his seat.

The announcement came that the flight was ready for boarding.

He saw people rushing to the boarding gate. He saw the old couple struggling. He helped them get in.

Everybody was seated. The child who was beaten by the lady was now smiling at him. The child had a toy in his hand. The doors shut and the flight started its course on the runway.

"Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen this is the pilot.." the voice came through the internal speakers.

The flight took off without any issues. He sighed and unbuckled his seat belt. He felt uncomfortable wearing it. He walked towards the restroom.

The old lady smiled at him. He smiled back. He walked past the kid and gave a light pinch on its cheek. He looked at the mother of the child and said "Sorry."

He came to the restroom closed the door. He washed his face. Took the paper towel and dried his face. He could still smell the cookies in his hand. He smiled to himself.

He removed his shirt. There was a flat plate attached to his stomach. It had a feather touch button with inscription "Press to blast".

He pressed.

Points to Ponder

* Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

* When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

* The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.

* Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

* Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

* Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

* It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

* I love being a writer...what I can't stand is the paperwork.

* A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

* The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

* The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

* In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

* If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.

* If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

* Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

* It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

* I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

* Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

* The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

Friday, March 18, 2005

I Just Want to Say I Love You

Ewww...but what the heck, here goes...

Peter and Tina were sitting in the park just gazing into the sky, while all their friends were having fun with their beloved partners.

Tina: I'm so bored. Just wish I have a boyfriend now to spend time with.

Peter: I guess we're the only leftovers. We're the only person who isn't with a date now. (both sigh in silence for a while)

Tina: I think I have a good idea. Lets play a game

Peter: Eh? What game?

Tina: Eem..It's quite simple. You be my boyfriend for 100 days and I'll be your girlfriend for 100 days. what do you think?

Peter: Oookay..Anyway I don't have any plan for the next few months.

Tina: You sound like you aren't looking forward to it at all. Cheer up. Today will be our first day and our first date. Where should we go?

Peter: What about a movie? I heard that there is a really great movie in theater now.

Tina: Seems like I don't have any better idea than this. Lets move. (went to watch their movies and sent each other home)

Day 2:
Peter and Tina went to a concert together, and Peter bought Tina a keychain with a star.

Day 3:
They went shopping together for a friend's birthday present. Share an ice-cream together and hugged each other for the first time.

Day 7:
Peter drove Tina up onto a mountain and they watch the sunset together. When the night came and the moon glowed, they said sat on the grass gazing at the stars together. A meteor passed by. Tina mumbled something.

Day 25:
Spent time at a theme-park, got onto roller-coasters, and ate hot-dogs and cotton-candy. Peter and Tina got in the haunted house and Tina grabbed someone's hand instead of Peter's hand by accident. They laughed together for a while.

Day 67:
They drove past a circus and decided to get in to watch the show. The midget asked Tina to play a part as his assistant in the magic show. Went around to see other entertainments around after the show. Came to a fortune teller and she just said "Treasure every moment from now on" and a tear rolled down the fortune teller's cheek.

Day 84:
Tina suggested that they go to the beach. The beach wasn't so crowded that day. They have their first kiss with each other just as the sun is setting.

Day 99:
They decided to have a simple day and to walk around the city. They sit together on a park-bench for a while.

1:23 pm
Tina: I'm thirsty. Let's rest for a while first.
Peter: Wait here while I go buy some drinks. What would you like?
Tina: Eem...Apple juice will be just fine.

1:43 pm
Tina had been waiting for about 20 minutes and Peter hadn't returned. Then someone walked up to her.
Stranger: Is your name Tina?
Tina: Yes, and may I help you?
Stranger: Just down the street a drunk driver has hit a young guy. I think he's your friend.
Tina ran over to the spot and saw Peter lying on the road soaked in blood. He still had a bottle of apple juice in his hands. The ambulance came and Tina rode to the hospital with Peter. She waited outside the operation theater for five and a half hours. The doctor came out and sighed.

11:51 pm
Doctor: I'm sorry. We did the best we could, but he won't make it. He is still breathing but God would take him away from us very soon. We found this letter inside his pocket. The doctor reached out and handed over the letter to Tina who ran into the OT to see Peter. He looked weak but peaceful. Tina read the letter burst into tears. Here is what the letter said:
"Tina, our 100 days are almost over. I had fun with you through these days. Although I may, at times, be greedy and less thoughtful, but you brought happiness into my life. I have realized that you are a really nice girl and I am to blame for never having taken the time to know you. I don't have a lot to ask for, but just wish that we can extend the day. I want to be your boyfriend forever and wish that you can be by my side all the time. Tina, I love you."

11:58
Tina: (sobbing) Peter! Did you know what was the wish I made on the night there was a shooting star? I asked God to let us last forever. So Peter! Don't leave me! I LOVE YOU, but can you come back to me now? I love you Peter. I LOVE YOU.

As the clock struck twelve, Peter's heart stopped beating. It was 100 days.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Odd Warning Signs





VIDEO: Drop it like a FOB (Parody of Drop it like it's Hot)

1 mt 47 secs

A warning will appear. Click OK to allow the ActiveX control required to play this video.



Allow the controller to load above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Song: Drop it like a FOB (Fresh Off the Boat)
By: Anoop Dogg (Himal and Rakesh)

If you have a lot of chest hair,
Show it like a FOB (x3),
Immigration coming to get you,
Marry like a FOB (x3),
If the ladki gives you attitude,
Love her like a FOB (x3)

I got the chappals on my feet
When I'm walking down the street,
And I make the best saag
When I want something to eat

I am a nice FOB,
I work in the IT,
Call tech support,
And you get me.

I am a bachelor,
And I work hard,
Come and marry me
So I can get the Green-card.

White people, can’t understand me,
Their jobs are now in New Delhi.

1 to the 2, uh to the 3
A.N.Double-O.P.
D.O.Double-G.
Cows in the street
WIth the bugs and the sheep
And I'm sweating so much
Like a lattoo in the heat

Give me a call
Coz I have all the answers
Coz I am the Boss
Of MS DOS
Outsourcing me
For a lower gauche
You should think about it
Take a second

Yo doll,
I'm on the other line
So please call back
We'll talk another time

If you have a lot of chest hair,
Show it like a FOB (x3),
Immigration coming to get you,
Marry like a FOB (x3),
If the ladki gives you attitude,
Love her like a FOB (x3)

I got the chappals on my feet
When I'm walking down the street,
And I make the best saag
When I want something to eat

If you don't know Snoop Dogg's original Drop It Like It's Hot, play it here:
3 mts 19 secs

A warning will appear. Click OK to allow the ActiveX control required to play this video.



Allow the controller to load above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Another Perception Management Story

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom."

With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: Dear Mom, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.

I've been finding real passion with John and he is so nice-even with all his piercing, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion mom, I'm pregnant and John said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. John taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so John can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your daughter,
Judith

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home

[This, my friends, is called "anchoring" in management speak]

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Choosing between good and evil

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.

Thought for the day ......
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Perception Management Story

Grandmother was pretending to be lost in prayer, but her prayer-beads were spinning at top speed. That meant she was either excited or upset.Mother put the receiver down. "Some American girl in his office, she'scoming to stay with us for a week." She sounded as if she had a deep
foreboding.

Father had no such doubt. He knew the worst was to come. He had been matching horoscopes for a year, but my brother Vivek had found a million excuses for not being able to visit India, call any of the chosen Iyer girls, or in any other way advance father's cause. Father always wore four parallel lines of sacred ash on his forehead. Now there were eight, so deep were the furrows of worry on his forehead. I sat in a corner, supposedly lost in a book, but furiously text-messaging my brother with a vivid description of the scene before me.

A few days later I stood outside the airport with father. He tried not to look directly at any American woman going past, and held up the card reading "Barbara". Finally a large woman stepped out, waved wildly and shouted "Hiiii! Mr. Aayyyezh, how ARE you?" Everyone turned and looked at us. Father shrank visibly before my eyes. Barbara took three long steps and covered father in a tight embrace. Father's jiggling out of it was too funny to watch. I could hear him whispering "Shiva shiva!". She shouted "you must be Vijaantee?" "Yes, Vyjayanthi" I said with a smile. I imagined little half-Indian children calling me "Vijaantee aunty!".

Suddenly, my colorless existence in Madurai had perked up. For at least the next one week, life promised to be quite exciting.

Soon we were eating lunch at home. Barbara had changed into an even shorter skirt. The low neckline of her blouse was just in line with father's eyes. He was glaring at mother as if she had conjured up Barbara just to torture him. Barbara was asking "You only have vegetarian food? Always??" as if the idea was shocking to her. "You know what really goes well with Indian food, especially chicken? Indian beer!" she said with a pleasant smile, seemingly oblivious to the
apoplexy of the gentleman in front of her, or the choking sounds coming from mother. I had to quickly duck under the table to hide my giggles.

Everyone tried to get the facts without asking the one question on all our minds: What was the exact nature of the relationship between Vivek and Barbara? She brought out a laptop computer. "I have some pictures of Vivek" she said. All of us crowded around her. The first picture was
quite innocuous. Vivek was wearing shorts, and standing alone on the beach. In the next photo, he had Barbara draped all over him. She was wearing a skimpy bikini and leaning across, with her hand lovingly circling his neck. Father got up, and flicked the towel off his
shoulder. It was a gesture we in the family had learned to fear. He literally ran to the door and went out. Barbara said "It must be hard for Mr. Aayyezh. He must be missing his son." We didn't have the heart to tell her that if said son had been within reach, father would have
lovingly wrung his neck.

My parents and grandmother apparently had reached an unspoken agreement. They would deal with Vivek later. Right now Barbara was a foreigner, a lone woman, and needed to be treated as an honored guest. It must be said that Barbara didn't make that one bit easy. Soon mother wore a
perpetual frown. Father looked as though he could use some of that famous Indian beer.

Vivek had said he would be in a conference in Guatemala all week, and would be off both phone and email. But Barbara had long lovey-dovey conversations with two other men, one man named Steve and another named Keith. The rest of us strained to hear every interesting word. "I miss
you!" she said to both. She also kept talking with us about Vivek, and about the places they'd visited together. She had pictures to prove it, too. It was all very confusing.

This was the best play I'd watched in a long time. It was even better than the day my cousin ran away with a Telugu Christian girl. My aunt had come howling through the door, though I noticed that she made it to the plushest sofa before falling in a faint. Father said that if it had been his child, the door would have been forever shut in his face. Aunt promptly revived and said "You'll know when it is your child!" How my aunt would rejoice if she knew of Barbara!

On day five of her visit, the family awoke to the awful sound of Barbara's retching. The bathroom door was shut, the water was running, but far louder was the sound of Barbara crying and throwing up at the same time. Mother and grandmother exchanged ominous glances. Barbara
came out, and her face was red. "I don't know why", she said, "I feel queasy in the mornings now." If she had seen as many Indian movies as I'd seen, she'd know why. Mother was standing as if turned to stone. Was she supposed to react with the compassion reserved for pregnant women?
With the criticism reserved for pregnant unmarried women? With the fear reserved for pregnant unmarried foreign women who could embroil one's son in a paternity suit? Mother, who navigated familiar flows of married life with the skill of a champion oarsman, now seemed completely taken off her moorings. She seemed to hope that if she didn't react it might all disappear like a bad dream.

I made a mental note to not leave home at all for the next week. Whatever my parents would say to Vivek when they finally got a-hold of him would be too interesting to miss. But they never got a chance. The day Barbara was to leave, we got a terse email from Vivek. "Sorry, still
stuck in Guatemala. Just wanted to mention, another friend of mine, Sameera Sheikh, needs a place to stay. She'll fly in from Hyderabad tomorrow at 10am. Sorry for the trouble."

So there we were, father and I, with a board saying "Sameera". At last a pretty young woman in salwar-khameez saw the board, gave the smallest of smiles, and walked quietly towards us. When she did 'Namaste' to father, I thought I saw his eyes mist up. She took my hand in the friendliest way and said "Hello, Vyjayanthi, I've heard so much about you." I fell in love with her. In the car father was unusually friendly. She and Vivek had been in the same group of friends in Ohio University. She now worked as a Child Psychologist.

She didn't seem to be too bad at family psychology either. She took out a shawl for grandmother, a saree for mother and Hyderabadi bangles for me. "Just some small things. I have to meet a professor at Madurai university, and it's so nice of you to let me stay" she said. Everyone cheered up. Even grandmother smiled. At lunch she said "This is so nice. When I make sambar, it comes out like chole, and my chole tastes just like sambar". Mother was smiling. "Oh just watch for 2 days, you'll pick it up." Grandmother had never allowed a muslim to enter the kitchen. But mother seemed to have taken charge, and decided she would bring in who
ever she felt was worthy. Sameera circumspectly stayed out of the puja room, but on the third day, I was stunned to see father inviting her in and telling her which idols had come to him from his father. "God is one" he said. Sameera nodded sagely.

By the fifth day, I could see the thought forming in the family's collective brains. If this fellow had to choose his own bride, why couldn't it be someone like Sameera? On the sixth day, when Vivek called from the airport saying he had cut short his Gautemala trip and was on his way home, all had a million things to discuss with him. He arrived by taxi at a time when Sameera had gone to the University. "So, how was Barbara's visit?" he asked blithely. "How do you know her?" mother asked sternly. "She's my secretary" he said. "She works very hard, and she'll do anything to help." He turned and winked at me. Oh, I got the plot now!

By the time Sameera returned home that evening, it was almost as if her joining the family was the elders' idea. "Don't worry about anything", they said, "we'll talk with your parents."

On the wedding day a huge bouquet arrived from Barbara.
"Flight to India - $1500.
Indian kurta - $5.
Emetic to throw up - $1.
The look on your parents' faces - priceless !! " it said.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Ladies, here's the truth about men

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Calling a Spade a Spade: Some Facts

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....what more can I say?

If your father is a poor man it is your fate,
but if your father-in-law is a poor man it's your stupidity.

I was born intelligent - education ruined me.

Practice makes perfect. But nobody's perfect. So why practice?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Money is not everything.
There's MasterCard & Visa.

One should love animals.
They are so tasty.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

The wise never marry.
If and when they do, they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term.
It brings many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off till the day after.

"Your future depends on your dreams"
Go to sleep

There should be a better way to start a day
than waking up every morning

"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk

"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours

God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn?

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

The A to Z of Friendship

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Q&A

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Just drop it; concrete floors are very hard to crack!

Q. If it took 8 men 10 hours to build a wall, how long would it take 4 men to build it?
A. No time at all because it has already been built.

Q. If you had 3 apples and 4 oranges in one hand and 4 apples and 3 oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. Once you find me an elephant with one hand, I'll lift it with a crane.

Q. How can a man go 8 days without sleep?
A. No Problems as he can sleep at night.

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?
A. It will become sunken.

Q. What looks like a half apple?
A: The other half.