Why men wear clothes...

Early experiences that convinced the human male to clothe himself.....

VIDEO: Why Women Need Catalogs

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Husband of the Year Awards

Honorable Mentions:

U.S.A.


Serbia


Second Runner Up: Alaska


First Runner Up: Greece


And the Winner is: Ireland

You've gotta love the Irish...they are so romantic....see, even holding hands...

How Math Affects Our Lives

Equations explored recently:

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy

Therefore,
Human - enjoy = Donkey + work

In other words,
Humans that don't know enjoy = Donkeys that work

===================================================

Equation 2

Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money

Therefore,
Men - earn money = Donkeys

In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys

====================================================

Equation 3

Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Women = Donkeys + spend

Therefore,
Women - spend = Donkeys

In other words,
Women that don't spend = Donkeys

=====================================================

To Conclude:

From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.

So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)

And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)

So, we have?
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money

Therefore?from Postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

Female Versions of Common Objects

Mouse


Hammer and screwdriver

Way Out With Men

101 Uses of a Cellphone Part 1

Also check out 101 Uses of a Cellphone Part 2

Why Women Live Longer Than Men

Women dress to kill!




This ad also included in 2007 Randomizer.

Evolution of our species: Two Hands

Why do women have two hands?


Why do men have two hands?

Why Women are More Attractive Than Men

Any other questions?

The Economics of Beauty

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Subject : What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, and gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (My target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

Here's a reply from a Wall Street financial guy:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours.

Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you.

The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciating asset, and you are a depreciating asset. To make matters worse, it's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much depleted 10 years from now.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could help yourself become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has greater probability than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me.

signed,

Mr. Moneybags

Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual.

I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car
shuddered to a halt.

I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years.

When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious.

He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back.

But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.

I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sheila Usk

ANSWER

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine.

Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line.

If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold.

If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Walter

VIDEO: How Men Screw Up Romance

0 mts 30 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Another one for the ladies

1. Why do men become smarter during sex?
Because they are plugged into a genius

2. Why don't women blink during sex?
They don't have enough time

3. Why does it take 1 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
They don't stop to ask directions

4. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties

5. Why did God make men before women?
You need a rough draft before you make a final version

6. How many men does it take to put a toilet seat down?
Don't know.....it never happened

7. Why did God put men on earth?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn

Eight Words with Two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female......
Any part under a car's hood.
Male.....
The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female....
Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male....
Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female...
The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male...
Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female....
A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male......
Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female....
A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male......
Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female....
An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male......
A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female......
The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male..
Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female....
A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male...
A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

AND;

He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said . .... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said ... How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said . . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . .. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
She said . . . They already have boyfriends.

She said...What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night?
He said .. .. . A widow.

He said . ... . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

The Perfect Story

There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship,they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.

Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor?

The perfect woman. She's the only one that really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man..

To the female readers: That's the end of the joke. Please stop reading now.
To the male readers: Keep reading.

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.

And by the way, if you are a woman and still reading this, it illustrates another point: women never listen!

The Sensitive Guy

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future father my children?" She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known, and even did a few things she had never done with any other man.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, Well, how was it?

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says..."Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf!"

One for the ladies

One day my housework challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, " Southampton University "

And they say blondes are dumb...

---------------------------------------------

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

---------------------------------------------

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

---------------------------------------------

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...

Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!

---------------------------------------------

Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

AMEN

---------------------------------------------

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour

---------------------------------------------

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practising to be men.

---------------------------------------------

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

---------------------------------------------

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

---------------------------------------------

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

Problems Begin with Men

The untold secret to a successful married life...

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. What a peaceful & loving couple". A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man, "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled.
My wife quietly said,'that's once'.

"We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'"

"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

"I started an angry protest over her treatment of the horse, while I was shouting; she looked at me, and quietly said, 'That's once'.

"And we lived happily ever after."