Sunday, December 25, 2005

Merry Christmas



Santa and his reindeer bring Christmas cheer!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Some party jokes

A father was passing by his son's fraternity house late one night when he decided to drop in. He knocked on the front door and a young man replied, What do you want?

Does Tommy Norris live here? the father asked.

Yup, the man said. Just leave him on the front porch as usual.

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A church janitor was sweeping the altar when a priest said, "I really have to go to the bathroom. Could you sit in the confessional for a few minutes? Just tell whomever comes in to do 10 Hail Marys as penance."

The janitor did as the priest asked and the first confessor was a woman who said, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I performed oral sex on a man."

The janitor was shocked. He didn't think that 10 Hail Marys would be nearly enough punishment, so he stuck his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy who was passing by, "What does the priest give for oral sex?"

The altar boy replied, "A candy bar or a soda."

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A man told his doctor that his wife hadn't had sex with him in seven months. The physician told the man to bring his wife to the office for a private talk. When the wife arrived, the doctor asked about her libido. Well, doctor, she replied, the truth is that I take a cab to work every morning, and the cabbie always asks me, "So are you going to pay today or what?" We don't have much money, so I always give him an "or what". That makes me late for work, and my boss asks me, "So are we going to dock your salary or what?" I always give him the "or what." By the time I get home, I don't feel like having sex anymore.

Hmm, the doctor said. I see. So are we going to tell your husband about your problem or what?

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A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He cornered a monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The trembling monkey said, "You are, mighty lion."

Later, the lion confronted a deer and bellowed, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The terrified deer stammered, "You are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle."

The lion swaggered up to an elephant and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

Annoyed, the elephant picked up the lion with his trunk, slammed him against a tree and stomped on him. As he hobbled away, the lion said, "Man, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to make such a big deal about it."

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A king suspected that his wife was being unfaithful to him, so he taped a tiny razor blade to her vagina. Three days later, he ordered his knights to drop their pants. They all had bandaged penises, except for one. The king said to him, "I always knew you were my most loyal knight."

He replied, "It wath nothing your magethy."

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Two dogs were sitting in the waiting room at a vet's office. One dog said to the other, What are you here for?

The dog replied, Well, I live in this house with a six-year-old boy who is constantly pulling on my ears. One day I just had enough and bit the little shit. So his parents are having me put to sleep. What are you here for?

The first dog answered, I live with this 28-year-old lady that has a killer body. She never wears clothes around the house. One day she was bending over cleaning the bathtub and I couldn't resist. I jumped up and did her.

The other dog asked, Is she putting you to sleep for that?

He replied, No, I'm here to get my nails trimmed.

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A man and his wife were having sex. 15 minutes passed, then 30 minutes, then 45 minutes. Sweat was pouring off their bodies. The wife finally opened her eyes and said, What's the matter, darling. Can't you think of anyone else either?

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A man and his wife were watching a boxing match on TV. After the knockout, the husband said, That sucks. It was over in three minutes.

His wife replied, Now you know how I feel.

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Pfizer and Pepsi Cola have decided to jointly market a Viagra - laced beverage. It will be called Mount and Do, and its ad slogan will be, "Pour Yourself a Stiff One."

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Son kills butterfly....dad says no butter for 2 weeks
Son kills honeybee....dad says no honey for 2 weeks
Mom kills cockroach....son says "dad will you tell her or should I?"

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A man standing in the back of a crowded hotel elevator shouted out, "Ballroom, please."

The woman in front of him turned around and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was crowding you."

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A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said, My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?

Well, the vet said, let me have a look at him.

The doctor picked the dog up and examined his eyes. Finally, he said, I'm going to have to put him down.

But why? the man said. Just because he's cross-eyed?

No, the vet replied. Because he's really heavy.

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A woman suffering from chronic headaches visited a new age doctor. He advised, When you feel a headache coming on, stare at yourself in a mirror and say, "I do not have a headache. I do not have a headache." I guarantee you will be cured of your ailment right away.

The woman left the doctor's office. In the elevator, her head began to throb. She noticed that the elevator had mirrored walls. She looked at herself and repeated the mantra. Her headache immediately disappeared.

Elated, she ran back into the doctor's office. It worked, she said. You're a genius. I must send my husband to see you. We haven't had sex in months.

A few days later, her husband visited the doctor. When he returned home, he headed straight to the bathroom and locked the door. A few minutes later, he emerged and made passionate love to his wife. When they finished, he returned to the bathroom and shut the door. Ten minutes later, he came out and they had sex again. When he locked himself in the bathroom a third time, the curious wife peeked through the keyhole.

Her husband was staring at himself in the mirror, repeating, "That woman is not my wife. That woman is not my wife."

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Stressed out by city living, a man quit his job and bought a cabin in the woods. His closest neighbor was four miles away. One night he was finishing dinner when someone knocked on his door. "I'm your neighbor," the man said. "I'm having a party Saturday and thought you'd like to come."

"I'd love to," the man said.

"Gotta warn you though," the neighbor said. "There's gonna be a lot of drinking."

"I can drink with the best of them," the man said.

"More than likely gonna be some fighting too," the neighbor said.

"I'll just stay out of the way," the man said.

"Last time I had a party, there was some screwing too," the neighbor said.

"Now that's not a problem," the man said. "I've been alone for six months. By the way, what should I wear?"

"Whatever you want," the neighbor said. "Just gonna be the two of us."

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A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.

''Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before.''

The doctor reassured her, ''A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?''

''On my testicles, which is something else I want to talk to you about...,'' replied the lady.

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"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."

"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the
adi: the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."

"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!”

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Mother Vampire to Daughter Vampire when she sees her taking a used tampon: No young lady, no in-between meal snacks!

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A blonde walked up to an airport ticket counter and asked to buy a round trip ticket. The ticket agent asked, Where to?

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, Duuuuuh, back here

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I don’t love you. I merely enjoy tolerating your existence immensely.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Beautiful, Peaceful Places

The Mekong River
Fishing boats float in the Mekong River with Luang Prabang, Laos, in the distance.


Ephesus, Turkey
Visitors walk along Curetes Street to explore the ruins of the ancient city of Ephesus, on Turkey's western coast. "In all its classical beauty, Ephesus looks important," says writer James Morgan ("Lost in Time," Traveler October 2004). "You can glance at a cobblestone and imagine it being touched by any of the passing personages there, from King Croesus to Alexander the Great."


Bodrum, Turkey
Writer James Morgan ("Lost in Time," Traveler October 2004) sails in the waters off Bodrum, a bustling port on Turkey's southwestern coast, aboard the 69-foot Kalyeta, a traditional two-masted rig known as a gulet.


Tersane, Turkey
Çaydanliks (Turkish tea pots) line the windowsill of a home on Tersane, the largest island in the Gulf of Fethiye.


Dalyan River, Turkey
A water taxi ferries passengers up the Dalyan River in southwestern Turkey toward funerary rock tombs that resemble the porticoes of small Ionic temples.


Hobart, Tasmania
The vibrant blue-and-black façade of the Tasmanian Symphony Orchestra's rehearsal studios brightens historic downtown Hobart.


Freycinet National Park, Tasmania
Visitors watch the sun rise over Wineglass Bay from a wooden walkway around the base of Cape Tourville Lighthouse.


Cradle Mountain—Lake St. Clair National Park, Tasmania
Heavy fog hangs low over indigenous eucalyptus trees. "Tasmania could be the set for the next J.R.R. Tolkien film, with its mist, rain, rolling hills, bogs, and thick forests," says photographer Kris LeBoutillier.


Ocean Beach, Tasmania
Surfers eat breakfast on Ocean Beach, a pristine 30-mile stretch of sand on Tasmania's western coast. "Their van was amazing," says photographer Kris Leboutillier. "It was kitted out with a folding flat screen television, DVD player, refrigerator, and stereo, all powered by a big marine battery."


Riga, Latvia
A family cuddles on Jurmala Beach, 14 miles outside of Riga, Latvia's capital. "A storm was rolling in, and soon after this photograph was taken, an afternoon-long downpour hit," says photographer Alexandra Avakian. "Weather changes very quickly in Latvia."


Riga, Latvia
His canvas illuminated by an overhead projector, artist Andris Vitolins paints at midnight in the old Soviet-era Artists Union Building.


Riga, Latvia
Designed by Mikhail Einstein, this residential and commercial building on Elizabetes Street is one of the most striking examples of art nouveau (Jugendstil) architecture in Riga's Old Town.


Luang Prabang, Laos
Young girls bike through the intersection of Sisavang Vong and Kitsarath Sethanthirath. The main street of Sisavang Vong is named after the former king of Laos, who ruled for 54 years starting in 1904.


The Mekong River
A child does homework on the banks of the Mekong River, which forms the border between Burma and Thailand, as others play on the boulders that dot the shoreline.


The Mekong River
At sunset, a young boy waters crops on the banks of the Mekong River, which forms the border between Burma and Thailand

AUDIO: Paul Graham on his book Hackers & Painters

30 mts 49 secs
41 mts 26 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Meet the Parents

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Hello, could you give me a condom. I'm going to my girlfriend's home for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!"

The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out, he returns and says, "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too".

The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving, he turns back and says, "Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move."

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying, "Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us."

A minute later the boy is still praying: "Thank you Lord for your kindness."

Ten minutes gone by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down.

The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others. She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, "I didn't know you were so religious."

The boy replies, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!"

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

VIDEO: Amazing nature of Mother Nature

0 mts 24 secs
Corona

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

0 mts 57 secs
Noctiluminescent storm gathering in Talkeetna

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

VIDEO: Passport Photo

0 mts 45 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Coincidence?

YEAR 1981

1. Prince Charles got married

2. Liverpool crowned champions of Europe

3. Australia lost the Ashes

4. Pope died.

YEAR 2005

1. Prince Charles got married

2. Liverpool crowned champions of Europe

3. Australia lost the Ashes

4. Pope died.

The next time Charles decides to marry, warn the pope!!

Monday, December 05, 2005

Philosophy and Courage

Legend has it that in 1987, a philosophy professor at Oxford University asked this question worth 50 points:
Question: What is courage?

A question assigned so many points would normally require an eight page essay answer backed up with source material, quotes and analytical reasoning. The answer written by the #1 ranked student:

Answer: This is courage.

Beer, insect and reactions

Event : An insect falls into a mug of beer...

Reactions:

Englishman:
Throws his mug away and walks out

American:
Takes the insect out and drinks the beer

Chinese:
Eats the insect and throws the beer away

Japanese:
Drinks the beer with insect as it is coming free

Indian:
Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new
mug of beer.

Pakistani:
-Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer
-Relates the issue to Kashmir
-Asks the Chinese for Military aid
-Takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer

Sunday, December 04, 2005

VIDEO: Trippy Mirror

VIDEO: Ogilvy film on Romania

0 mts 45 secs
STANDBY="Loading Windows Media Player components..." TYPE="application/x-oleobject">
WIDTH="320" HEIGHT="286" ShowControls="1" ShowStatusBar="0" ShowDisplay="0" autostart="0">

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

What's there not to love about Romania? Nothing, when Ogilvy & Mather is telling the story.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

VIDEO: Mastercard Spoof - Indecent Proposal

1 mt 17 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Ridiculously funny take on Mastercard's "priceless" campaign. Don't miss it!