Monday, January 17, 2005

Fun Optical Illusions

Are the red lines straight?

Yes!

Are the grey lines straight?

Yes!

Are the horizontal grey lines parallel or sloping?

Parallel

Which line is C part of? A or B or neither?

B

Spiral or Concentric circles?

Concentric circles

Spiral or Concentric circles?

Concentric circles

Which one of the two center dots is bigger?

Neither - both are of exactly the same size

Count the black dots

That's right - There are none!

Focus on the black dot. After a while the grey haze will seem to shrink.


Take this color test


Mirror Image?


Is the book facing you or away from you?


Horse head or Seal


Duck or Rabbit

(The duck is facing left, the rabbit is facing right)

Duck or Rabbit version 2.0

(The duck is facing left, the rabbit is facing right)

Eskimo or Red Indian

(Face of native looking left, Eskimo full body looking right-back)

Horse or Frog

(Turn the picture sideways and then answer)

Face or "Liar"


Dolphins or Couple


Man playing horn or Face of a woman

(The speck hanging in front of the horn handle is the woman's eye)

Evil face or Several women at a party


One face or Two

(One face front shot, Two faces profiles)

Woman in vanity or Skull


Old couple or Singers

(The eyes of the old couple are the faces of the singers)

Young woman or Old hag

(Necklace of young woman is the mouth of the old woman)

Magic carpet


Playing to an audience?


Can you see the baby in this picture?


Can you spot the horses in this picture?


Do you see the deers in the forest?


Impossible shelves


Impossible block


Impossible fork


Impossible elephant


Impossible balcony


Focus on the center circle. After a while it will seem to move like a magnifying glass.


Focus on this design. Does it seem to boom like a large speaker?


Ship

If you think the ship is sailing, look again!

Rollers

If you think anything is moving, look again!

Wave

If you think anything is moving, look again!

Wheels

If you think anything is moving, look again!

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Amazingly Amusing Anagrams

Dormitory = Dirty Room

Dictionary = Indicatory

Schoolmaster = The classroom

Elvis = Lives

Listen = Silent

Clint Eastwood = Old West Action

A Telephone Girl = Repeating "Hello"

Western Union = No Wire Unsent

The Country Side = No City Dust Here

Evangelist = Evil's Agent

Astronomers = Moon starers / No more stars

The eyes = They see

The Cockroach = Cook, Catch Her

Desperation = A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code = Here Come Dots

Slot Machines = Cash Lost in'em

Conversation = Voices Rant On

Disraeli = I lead, Sir.

Clothespins = So Let's Pinch

Mr. Mojo risin' = Jim Morrison
(from the Doors song, "L.A. Woman")

The Great New York Rapid Transit Tunnel = Giant Work in Street, Partly Underneath

Florence Nightingale = Nigel, Fetch an Iron Leg / Flit on Cheering Angel
(Richard Stilgoe in "The Richard Stilgoe Letters")

MacDonalds = Clam and Sod

Darling I love you = leaving your idol / Avoiding our yell

Butterfly = Flutter-by

Heavy Rain? = Hire a Navy!

Tom Cruise = So I'm Cuter

Animosity = Is No Amity

Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler

Funeral = Real Fun

A Domesticated Animal = Docile, as a Man Tamed it

The Railroad Train = Hi! I Rattle and Roar

The Hilton = Hint: Hotel

A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss = Stroller on Go, Amasses Nothing

Sunshine and Shadow = Show in Sun and Shade

The Check is in the Mail = Claim "Heck, I sent it (heh)"

The United States Bureau of Fisheries = I Raise the Bass to Feed Us in the Future

Snooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z's

Vacation Times = I'm Not as Active

Software = Swear Oft

Silicon Graphics = A Long Chip Crisis / Can logic ship, sir? / Gosh, sir, I can clip!

Alec Guinness = Genuine Class
(Dick Cavett)

The Detectives = Detect Thieves

The Hospital Ambulance = A Cab, I Hustle to Help Man

Semolina = Is No Meal

The United States of America = Attaineth its cause, freedom

Christmas tree = Search, Set, Trim

A Gentleman = Elegant Man

Presbyterian = Best In Prayer

The Public Art Galleries = Large Picture Halls, I Bet

A Decimal Point = I'm a Dot in Place

The Earthquakes = That Queer Shake

Salman Rushdie = Read, Shun Islam

Martin Scorsese = Screen is a storm
(the director of movies "Taxi Driver," "Mean Streets," "GoodFellas," "Cape Fear," and "Age of Innocence.")

Barbie doll = I'll bare bod / Babe I'd roll / Liberal bod

Student Information Processing Board = Computation Transgression Forbidden
(MIT)

Statue of Liberty = Built to Stay Free

Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one

Patrick Stewart = A Crap Trek Twist

Mel Gibson = Bong Smile

Admirer = Married

Indomitableness = Endless ambition

New York Times = Monkeys Write / Monkey Writes
(Andrew Glines)

David Letterman = Nerd Amid Late TV

Howard Stern = Retard Shown

Contradiction = Accord not in it
(E. Tyron)

Debit card = Bad Credit
(Mike Morton)

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz = Cwm fjord bank glyphs vext quiz.

Quote by Vonnegut:
Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the universe. =
A masquerade can cover a sense of what is real to deceive us; to be unjaded and not lost, we must, then, determine truth.
(Cory Calhoun)

Quote by Oscar Wilde:
There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not being talked about. =
Wilde died broken, beaten 'n' total nut. Hate being sunk in that rotten gaol. Shh, gay is taboo.
(Larry Brash)

From Hamlet by Shakespeare:
To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. =
In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.
(Cory Calhoun)

Vladimir Nabokov = Vivian Darkbloom
(Vivian Darkbloom is a character in Nabokov's Lolita)

October Sky = Rocket Boys
(The 1999 movie October Sky is based on Rocket Boys, a memoir by Homer "Sonny" Hickam)

Spiro Agnew = Grow a Spine (also, spine can be anagrammed into another body part)

George Herbert Walker Bush = Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog

George Bush = He bugs Gore

Ronald Wilson Reagan = No, darlings, no ERA law

Ronald Reagan = A darn long era

Raiders of the Lost Ark = Ford, the Real Star, is OK

Silence of the Lambs = Con Bites Male Flesh

Tony Blair, MP = I'm Tory plan B

Margaret Thatcher = A charm tart, get her!

Twenty thousand leagues under the sea = Huge water tale stuns. End had you tense.

The end of the world is nigh! = Down this hole, frightened!

The best things in life are free = Nail-biting refreshes the feet

"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." Neil A. Armstrong = A thin man ran; makes a large stride; left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!

Pre-natal = Parental = Paternal

Stop the War = A Step Worth

World Trade Center = Lewd Terror Act; End.

The Florida Vote Recount = Done To Cover Their Fault

George W. Bush = He Grew Bogus

Year Two Thousand = A Year to Shut Down

NATO vs. a Molosevic = Soon a Slovic Vietnam!

Allied Force = Oil-led farce = Farce! Old lie!

Slobodan Milosevic = O, I'm an evil, cold boss!

President Milosevic = Is epic devil monster = Demonic evil persist = I, devil, creep, sin most

The Microsoft Corporation = Horror of Competition Acts

President Clinton of the USA = To copulate he finds interns

Monica Lewinsky = Nice silky woman = I may own nickels = Income? A sly wink! = Wank cosily in me = I yowl nicknames = Wank my silicone = Icy silken woman = I lay sick men now = Knew a Slimy Icon = We May Lock in Sin News May Ink Coil

Princess Diana = I End as car spin = Ascend in Paris

Saturday, January 15, 2005

VIDEO: Bollywood on Nightline

21 mts 02 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Here it is, people - the full Nightline segment on Bollywood. It leaves much to be desired, but I guess it's a start.

Sex determination through eye-exam

Are you a male or a female? This is called the quick eye exam...just do it - don't cheat!

Count the number of F's in the following text in 10 seconds:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE
RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC
STUDY COMBINED WITH THE
EXPERIENCE OF YEARS

Managed it?
How many?
Three? (You are definitely male!!!)
Wrong, there are six - no joke!

Read again!

Apparently, the MALE brain cannot process the word "OF".

Friday, January 14, 2005

Humeur Noir





Executions



Test for dementia

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it," also applies to the brain, so.....

Following is a very private way to gauge your loss or "non-loss" of intelligence. Take the following test and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it."

OK, relax, clear your mind and... begin.

1. What do you put in a toaster?
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Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself.

2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
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Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate, such as Children's World."

3. If a red house is made from red bricks, and a blue house is made from blue bricks, and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from??
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Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said, "Green bricks," what the devil are you still doing reading these questions?????

4. Twenty years ago, a plane was flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines failed. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure..... Unfortunately the third engine fails before he has time to attempt an emergency landing, and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany.

Where would you bury the survivors? . . In East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
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Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash.
Your efforts would not be appreciated.

5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
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Answer: One degree. If you said, "360 degrees" or anything other than "one degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn in your pencil, and exit the room.

6. Without using a calculator -- You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus, and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.

What was the name of the bus driver?
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Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name?

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Painting the Walls







































[UPDATE: Received again Feb 15, 2008]

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

VIDEO: Aishwarya Rai says Good Morning America

5 mts 22 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Alright then, Good Morning America sends Claire Shipman to talk to her. Interestingly, Claire calls her on the diplomac answers, that I was yakking about in the piece about her appearance on 60 Minutes. Also, apparently she is starring opposite Michael Douglas in a movie sequel of Romancing the Stone, which I was unaware of.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

What is love: A touching tale

'How long will you be poring over that newspaper? Will you come here right away and make your darling daughter eat her food?'

I tossed the paper away and rushed to the scene. My only daughter Sindu looked frightened. Tears were welling up in her eyes. In front of her was a bowl filled to its brim with Curd Rice.

Sindu is a nice child, quite intelligent for her age. She has just turned eight. She particularly detested Curd Rice. My mother and my wife are orthodox, and believe firmly in the 'cooling effects' of Curd Rice!

I cleared my throat, and picked up the bowl. "Sindu, darling, why don't you take a few mouthful of this Curd Rice? Just for Dad's sake, dear And, if you don't, your Mom will shout at me'

I could sense my wife's scowl behind my back. Sindu softened a bit, and wiped her tears with the back of her hands. 'OK, Dad. I will eat - not just a few mouthfuls, but the whole lot of this. But, you should...' Sindu hesitated.

'Dad, if I eat this entire Curd Rice, will you give me whatever I ask for?'

'Oh sure, darling'.

'Promise?'

'Promise'. I covered the pink soft hand extended by my daughter with mine, and clinched the deal.

'Ask Mom also to give a similar promise', my daughter insisted. My wife slapped her hand on Sindu's, muttering 'Promise', without any emotion.

Now I became a bit anxious. 'Sindumma, you shouldn't insist on getting a computer or any such expensive items. Dad does not have that kind of money right now. OK?'

'No, Dad. I do not want anything expensive'. Slowly and painfully, she finished eating the whole quantity. I was silently angry with my wife and my mother for forcing my child eat something that she detested.

After the ordeal was through, Sindu came to me with her eyes wide with expectation. All our attention was on her. 'Dad, I want to have my head shaved off, this Sunday!' was her demand!

'Atrocious!' shouted my wife, 'a girl child having her head shaved off? Impossible!'.

'Never in our family!' my mother rasped. 'She has been watching too much of television. Our culture is getting totally spoiled with these TV programs!'

'Sindumma, why don't you ask for something else? We will be sad seeing you with a clean-shaven head.'

'No, Dad. I do not want anything else', Sindu said with finality.

'Please, Sindu, why don't you try to understand our feelings?' I tried to plead with her.

'Dad, you saw how difficult it was for me to eat that Curd Rice'. Sindu was in tears. 'And you promised to grant me whatever I ask for. Now, you are going back on your words. Was it not you who told me the story of King Harishchandra, and its moral that we should honour our promises no matter what?'

It was time for me to call the shots. 'Our promise must be kept.'

'Are you out your mind?' chorused my mother and wife.

'No. If we go back on our promises, she will never learn to honour her own. Sindu, your wish will be fulfilled.'

With her head clean-shaven, Sindu had a round-face, and her eyes looked big & beautiful.

On Monday morning, I dropped her at her school. It was a sight to watch my hairless Sindu walking towards her classroom. She turned around and waved. I waved back with a smile. Just then, a boy alighted from a car, and shouted, 'Sinduja, please wait for me!'

What struck me was the hairless head of that boy. 'May be, that is the in-stuff', I thought.

'Sir, your daughter Sinduja is great indeed!' Without introducing herself, a lady got out of the car, and continued, 'That boy who is walking along with your daughter is my son Harish. He is suffering from ... ... leukaemia.'

She paused to muffle her sobs. 'Harish could not attend the school for the whole of the last month. He lost all his hair due to the side effects of the chemotherapy. He refused to come back to school fearing the unintentional but cruel teasing of the schoolmates. Sinduja visited him last week, and promised him that she will take care of the teasing issue.

But, I never imagined she would sacrifice her lovely hair for the sake of my son! Sir, you and your wife are blessed to have such a noble soul as your daughter.'

I stood transfixed. And then, I wept.

'My little Angel, will you grant me a boon? Should there be another birth for me, will you be my mother, and teach me what Love is?'

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Do you have a watch?

Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?

Old Man: Certainly not.

Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to loose, if you tell me the time?

Old Man: Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the time.

Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?

Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.

Young Man: Quite possible.

Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address.

Young Man: Quite possible.

Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came into wish me. Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea. After my courteous approach you will try to come again. This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.

Young Man: Possible

Old Man: Then I will tell you that my daughter has and I will then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to you & you will admire my daughter.

Young Man: Smiles. ;)

Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter again and again. You will offer to go out for a movie together and a date with you.

Young Man: Smiles

Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall in love with her and propose to her.

Young Man: Smiles

Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and tell me about your love and ask for my permission.

Young Man: Oh Yes! and smiles

Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my daughter to a person like you who does not even own a watch.

Side-effects of alcohol; And the cures

1.
Symptom: Cold & humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (and you are pouring the drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward.

2.
Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor facing upwards.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3.
Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.

4.
Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.

5.
Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass against your ear.
Cure: Slowly lift the glass and place it on the table.

6.
Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.

7.
Symptom: Your family is giving you seriously funny looks.
Cause: You're in the wrong house with the wrong family.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

How to make a woman happy

It's not difficult, really. To make a woman happy, the man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
17. a psychologist
18. a pest exterminator
19. a psychiatrist
20. a healer
20. a good listener
22. an organizer
23. a good father
24. very clean
25. sympathetic
26. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
-------------------------------------------------------

And here's how to make a man happy:

1 . Leave him in peace

Monday, January 03, 2005

VIDEO: Aishwarya Rai on CBS 60 Minutes

13 mts 21 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Here's Aishwarya Rai's much talked about 60 Minutes segment broadcast on Jan 01. I've heard (and read) many people ranting about her nervous and "retarded" giggling and some "moronic" answers. While it certainly does seem that the lady was nervous for a part of the actual interview, what struck me the most was how astute this dame is.

In case that made no sense to you, bear with me for a moment. Yes, it was weird the way she answered some of the questions in that one would think that most TV-shows pass an advance copy of the questionnaire/ interview-protocol to the interviewee. Even if they hadn't, the questions were quite normal, and any sensible manager would have anticipated them and prepared the star well in advance of the interview. So the unpreparedness, and the long pauses followed by sometimes unintelligible answers were something of a put-off.

That said, Ms. Rai struck me as a very astute businesswoman. In fielding and evading Bob Simon's questions, on one hand she is careful not to alienate the traditional Hindi-movie audience, while on the other hand she does not close the doors in Hollywood. In fact, I am pretty sure that a large part of America will be enchanted by the "wholesome, traditional and religious" image, and I can easily imagine her being on more American TV shows like Oprah's, even without her agent working overtime.

This interview certainly wasn't a heart-to-heart; it was instead an exercise in maintaining a carefully-cultivated image. In some ways it reminded me of the Shahrukh Khan interviews of yore, even though Shahrukh was much smoother, and much better prepared every single time. She is playing to the crowd, giving the people what they want to hear.

All in all, I have just this to say:
This is just the beginning for this lass; I expect her to star in at least a few A-grade Hollywood movies, with on-screen kissing or without. For the record, I'm not a fan. Except, maybe, of her business accumen now.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Men's Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules:
(Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
JUST SAY IT!

1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
Not both
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really

1. You have enough clothes

1. You have too many shoes

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Only in America: Life in the Times of George W Bush (2004)

"It's a time of sorrow and sadness when we lose a loss of life."
Washington, D.C., Dec. 21, 2004

"They can get in line like those who have been here legally and have been working to become a citizenship in a legal manner."
on immigrant workers, Washington, D.C., Dec. 20, 2004

"And so during these holiday seasons, we thank our blessings."
Fort Belvoir, Va., Dec. 10, 2004

"Justice ought to be fair."
speaking at the White House Economic Conference, Washington, D.C., Dec. 15, 2004

"The president and I also reaffirmed our determination to fight terror, to bring drug trafficking to bear, to bring justice to those who pollute our youth."
speaking with Chilean President Ricardo Lagos, Santiago, Chile, Nov. 21, 2004

"We thought we were protected forever from trade policy or terrorist attacks because oceans protected us."
speaking to business leaders at APEC Summit, Santiago, Chile, Nov. 20, 2004

"I always jest to people, the Oval Office is the kind of place where people stand outside, they're getting ready to come in and tell me what for, and they walk in and get overwhelmed in the atmosphere, and they say, man, you're looking pretty."
Washington, D.C., Nov. 4, 2004

"I have a record in office, as well. And all Americans have seen that record. September the 4th, 2001, I stood in the ruins of the Twin Towers. It's a day I will never forget."
Marlton, New Jersey, Oct. 18, 2004

"After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week — we will have an all-volunteer army!"
Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004

"I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft."
second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

"The truth of that matter is, if you listen carefully, Saddam would still be in power if he were the president of the United States, and the world would be a lot better off."
second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

"When a drug comes in from Canada, I wanna make sure it cures ya, not kill ya... I've got an obligation to make sure our government does everything we can to protect you. And one — my worry is that it looks like it's from Canada, and it might be from a third world."
second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

"We all thought there was weapons there, Robin. My opponent thought there was weapons there."
second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

"Let me see where to start here. First, the National Journal named Senator Kennedy the most liberal senator of all."
referring to Sen. Kerry, second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

"I own a timber company? That's news to me. Need some wood?"
second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

"Another example would be the Dred Scott case, which is where judges, years ago, said that the Constitution allowed slavery because of personal property rights. That's a personal opinion. That's not what the constitution says. The constitution of the United States says we're all — you know, it doesn't say that. It doesn't speak to the equality of America."
second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

"The enemy understands a free Iraq will be a major defeat in their ideology of hatred. That's why they're fighting so vociferously."
first presidential debate, Coral Gables, Fla., Sept. 30, 2004

"You know, it's hard work to try to love her as best as I can, knowing full well that the decision I made caused her loved one to be in harm's way."
first presidential debate, Coral Gables, Fla., Sept. 30, 2004

"I think it's very important for the American President to mean what he says. That's why I understand that the enemy could misread what I say. That's why I try to be as clearly I can."
Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004

"I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than here in America. It's pretty darn strong. I mean, the people see a better future."
Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004

"I'm not the expert on how the Iraqi people think, because I live in America, where it's nice and safe and secure."
Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004

"It's the Afghan national army that went into Najaf and did the work there."
referring to Iraqi troops during a joint press conference with Iraqi Prime Minister Ayad Allawi, Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004

"The CIA laid out several scenarios and said life could be lousy, life could be OK, life could be better, and they were just guessing as to what the conditions might be like."
New York City, Sept. 21, 2004

"Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat."
Washington, D.C., Sept. 17, 2004

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."
Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

"We will make sure our troops have all that is necessary to complete their missions. That's why I went to the Congress last September and proposed fundamental — supplemental funding, which is money for armor and body parts and ammunition and fuel."
Erie, Pa., Sept. 4, 2004

"Had we to do it over again, we would look at the consequences of catastrophic success, being so successful so fast that an enemy that should have surrendered or been done in escaped and lived to fight another day."
telling Time magazine that he underestimated the Iraqi resistance

"I hope you leave here and walk out and say, 'What did he say?'"
Beaverton, Oregon, Aug. 13, 2004

"So community colleges are accessible, they're available, they're affordable, and their curriculums don't get stuck. In other words, if there's a need for a certain kind of worker, I presume your curriculums evolved over time."
Niceville, Fla., Aug. 10, 2004

"Let me put it to you bluntly. In a changing world, we want more people to have control over your own life."
Annandale, Va, Aug. 9, 2004

"As you know, we don't have relationships with Iran. I mean, that's — ever since the late '70s, we have no contacts with them, and we've totally sanctioned them. In other words, there's no sanctions — you can't — we're out of sanctions."
Annandale, Va, Aug. 9, 2004

"Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a — you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities."
speaking to minority journalists, Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004

"We actually misnamed the war on terror. It ought to be the Struggle Against Ideological Extremists Who Do Not Believe in Free Societies Who Happen to Use Terror as a Weapon to Try to Shake the Conscience of the Free World."
Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004

"I cut the taxes on everybody. I didn't cut them. The Congress cut them. I asked them to cut them."
Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004

"I wish I wasn't the war president. Who in the heck wants to be a war president? I don't."
Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

"We stand for things."
Davenport, Iowa, Aug. 5, 2004

'I don't know why you're talking about Sweden. They're the neutral one. They don't have an army.''
during an Oval Office meeting with Rep. Tom Lantos, as reported by the New York Times

"Give me a chance to be your president and America will be safer and stronger and better."
Marquette, Michigan, July 13, 2004

"I mean, if you've ever been a governor of a state, you understand the vast potential of broadband technology, you understand how hard it is to make sure that physics, for example, is taught in every classroom in the state. It's difficult to do. It's, like, cost-prohibitive."
Washington, D.C., June 24, 2004

"I want to thank my friend, Senator Bill Frist, for joining us today. You're doing a heck of a job. You cut your teeth here, right? That's where you started practicing? That's good. He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me."
Nashville, Tenn., May 27, 2004

"I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein."
Washington, D.C., May 25, 2004

"Like you, I have been disgraced about what I've seen on TV that took place in prison."
Parkersburg, West Virginia, May 13, 2004

"Iraqis are sick of foreign people coming in their country and trying to destabilize their country."
interview with Al Arabiya Television, May 5, 2004

"My job is to, like, think beyond the immediate."
Washington, D.C., April 21, 2004

"They could still be hidden, like the 50 tons of mustard gas on a turkey farm."
on Iraqi weapons of mass destruction, Washington, D.C. , April 13, 2004

"This has been tough weeks in that country."
Washington, D.C., April 13, 2004

"Coalition forces have encountered serious violence in some areas of Iraq. Our military commanders report that this violence is being insticated by three groups."
Washington, D.C., April 13, 2004

"Obviously, I pray every day there's less casualty."
Fort Hood, Texas, April 11, 2004

"We're still being challenged in Iraq and the reason why is a free Iraq will be a major defeat in the cause of freedom."
Charlotte, N.C., April 5, 2004

"Earlier today, the Libyan government released Fathi Jahmi. She's a local government official who was imprisoned in 2002 for advocating free speech and democracy."
citing Jahmi, who is a man, in a speech paying tribute to women reformers during International Women's Week, Washington, D.C., March 12, 2004

"The march to war hurt the economy. Laura reminded me a while ago that remember what was on the TV screens — she calls me, 'George W.' — 'George W.' I call her, 'First Lady.' No, anyway — she said, we said, march to war on our TV screen."
Bay Shore, New York, Mar. 11, 2004

"God loves you, and I love you. And you can count on both of us as a powerful message that people who wonder about their future can hear."
Los Angeles, Calif., March 3, 2004

"Recession means that people's incomes, at the employer level, are going down, basically, relative to costs, people are getting laid off."
Washington, D.C., Feb. 19, 2004

"Joe, I don't do nuance."
to Sen. Joseph Biden, as quoted in Time, Feb. 15, 2004

"The march to war affected the people's confidence. It's hard to make investment. See, if you're a small business owner or a large business owner and you're thinking about investing, you've got to be optimistic when you invest. Except when you're marching to war, it's not a very optimistic thought, is it? In other words, it's the opposite of optimistic when you're thinking you're going to war."
Springfield, Mo., Feb. 9, 2004

"But the true strength of America is found in the hearts and souls of people like Travis, people who are willing to love their neighbor, just like they would like to love themselves."
Springfield, Mo., Feb. 9, 2004

"In my judgment, when the United States says there will be serious consequences, and if there isn't serious consequences, it creates adverse consequences."
Meet the Press, Feb. 8, 2004

"There is no such thing necessarily in a dictatorial regime of iron-clad absolutely solid evidence. The evidence I had was the best possible evidence that he had a weapon."
Meet the Press, Feb. 8, 2004

"The recession started upon my arrival. It could have been — some say February, some say March, some speculate maybe earlier it started — but nevertheless, it happened as we showed up here. The attacks on our country affected our economy. Corporate scandals affected the confidence of people and therefore affected the economy. My decision on Iraq, this kind of march to war, affected the economy."
Meet the Press, Feb. 8, 2004

"We do know that Saddam Hussein had the intent and the capabilities to cause great harm. We know he was a great danger….What we don't know yet is what we thought and what the Iraqi Survey Group has found, and we want to look at that."
Washington, D.C. Feb. 2, 2004

"My views are one that speaks to freedom."
Washington, D.C., Jan. 29, 2004

"See, one of the interesting things in the Oval Office — I love to bring people into the Oval Office — right around the corner from here — and say, this is where I office, but I want you to know the office is always bigger than the person."
Washington, D.C., Jan. 29, 2004

"More Muslims have died at the hands of killers than — I say more Muslims — a lot of Muslims have died — I don't know the exact count — at Istanbul. Look at these different places around the world where there's been tremendous death and destruction because killers kill."
Washington, D.C., Jan. 29, 2004

"Then you wake up at the high school level and find out that the illiteracy level of our children are appalling."
Washington, D.C., Jan. 23, 2004

"Just remember it's the birds that's supposed to suffer, not the hunter."
advising quail hunter and New Mexico Sen. Pete Domenici, Roswell, N.M., Jan. 22, 2004

"For diplomacy to be effective, words must be credible, and no one can now doubt the word of America."
State of the Union Address, Jan. 20, 2004

"I want to thank the astronauts who are with us, the courageous spacial entrepreneurs who set such a wonderful example for the young of our country."
Washington, D.C. Jan. 14, 2004

"I was a prisoner too, but for bad reasons."
to Argentine President Nestor Kirchner, on being told that all but one of the Argentine delegates to a summit meeting were imprisoned during the military dictatorship, Monterrey, Mexico, Jan. 13, 2004

"One of the most meaningful things that's happened to me since I've been the governor — the president — governor — president. Oops. Ex-governor. I went to Bethesda Naval Hospital to give a fellow a Purple Heart, and at the same moment I watched him—get a Purple Heart for action in Iraq — and at that same — right after I gave him the Purple Heart, he was sworn in as a citizen of the United States — a Mexican citizen, now a United States citizen."
Washington, D.C., Jan. 9, 2004

"And if you're interested in the quality of education and you're paying attention to what you hear at Laclede, why don't you volunteer? Why don't you mentor a child how to read?"
St. Louis, Mo., Jan. 5, 2004

Friday, December 31, 2004

VIDEO: Russell Peters makes fun of everyone

45 mts 08 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Comedy Now's recording of Russell Peters Live. The full 45 minutes. Enjoy!

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Ads I love: Winning print ads


Bice. Bread is Life.


Adidas.


Burger King. Ronald McDonald seen buying his own meal at BK.


Natan. The first remote-control ever invented.


Levi's 501 Re-cut for women. Just the visual is so gripping, and conveys the message.


Levi's 501 Re-cut for women. Just the visual is so gripping, and conveys the message.


Volkswagen Polo. Small but tough. A bunch of police officers taking cover behind one little VW polo.


Baygon insect killer.

UPDATE: Received again Jan 12, 2005

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

VIDEO: Busted Santa

1 mt 28 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

As the holiday festivities are still in the air, here is a clip for you to enjoy. Hot off my email!

Monday, December 27, 2004

Bakwas Shayari: Poetic nonsense

Jab jab ghire baadal, teri yaad aayi
Jhoom ke barsa saawan, Teri Yaad aayi
Bheega main, teri Yaad aayi
Kyon na aaye teri yaad?
Tune jo chatri ab tak nahi lautai...

Jab Jab tum angdai lete ho
dam hamara nikal jata hai.
Aye Jalim, Deodrant lagane me
tumhara kya jata hai ?!

Na woh inkaar karti hai
Na woh ikarar karti hai
KAMBAKHT mere hi sapno mein aakar
Mere dost se pyaar karti hai.

Aaj tum DIL maango, De Denge...!!!
DHADKAN maango De Denge...!!!
JIGAR Maango...!!! De Denge...!!!
JAAN tak Maango.........To who bhi de Sakte hei.....!!!
Kyunki ...Aaj Chaaro films ki VCD ghar pe hei!!

You're sad, I'm sad
You're happy, I'm happy
You cry, I cry
You die, Goodbye!

Jis Waqt Khuda Ne Tumhe Banaya Hoga
Ik Suroor Sa Uske Dil Par Chaya Hoga
Pehle Socha Hoga Tujhe Jannat Mein Rakh Lun
Phir Use Zoo Ka Khayal Aaya Hoga

Hum Dua Karte Hain Khuda Se
Ki Woh Aap Jaisa Dost Aur Na Banaye
Ek Cartoon Jaisi Cheez Hain Hamaare Paas
Kahin Woh Bhi Common Na Ho Jaye

Aapko Miss Karna Roz Ki Baat Hain
Aapko Yaad Karna Aadat Ki Baat Hain
Aapse Door Rehna Kismat Ki Baat Hain
Magar Aapko Jhelna Himmat Ki Baat Hain

Chand Ko Guroor Hai
Uske Paas Noor Hai
Mujhe Bhi Guroor Hai
Mera Dost Langoor Hai

Sunday, December 26, 2004

VIDEO: Roads Are Hard

1 mt 48 secs

Please click the Play button above.

Wisdom of the ages: 25 lessons from life

1. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.

2. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

3. To let a fool kiss you is stupid, to let a kiss fool you is worse.

4. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

5. Mathematics teachers call retirement 'the aftermath'.

6. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

7. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

8. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

9. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

10. Foreign aid is the transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

11. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

12. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

13. You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

14. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

15. Early to bed, early to rise, your girl goes out with other guys.

16. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

17. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

18. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is husband !

19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.

20. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

21. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

22. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

23. You can't buy love . . but you pay heavily for it.

24. True friends stab you in the front.

25. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

Now that's how business is done

I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late. Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."

"Yes?"

"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, and I'm waiting for a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say "Hi Tom?"

"Sure."

I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat. About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business.

A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It Was Bill Gates. "Hi, Tom," he said.

I replied, "Shut up, Bill, I'm in a meeting."

Saturday, December 25, 2004

VIDEO: May you enjoy these holidays with family and fun

0 mts 30 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Friday, December 24, 2004

AUDIO: Moş Crăciun (Old man Christmas)

As you prepare for the Christmas festivities, I'll leave you with this song from Romanian children.

2 mts 03 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Mos Craciun cu plete dalbe
A sosit de prin nameti
El aduce daruri multe
La fetite si baieti
Mos Craciun, Mos Craciun !

Din batrani se povesteste
Ca-n toti anii negresit
Mos Craciun pribeag soseste
Niciodata n-a lipsit
Mos Craciun,Mos Craciun !

Mos Craciun cu plete dalbe
Incotro vrei s-o apuci ?
Ti-as canta "Florile dalbe"
De la noi sa nu te duci
Mos Craciun, Mos Craciun !

Thursday, December 23, 2004

AUDIO: Welcome to India (Parody of Welcome to Atlanta)

3 mts 22 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Yaa, MC Vikram and Luda Krishna representing y'all,
That's right ... increase the volume please ... thank you.

Welcome to India, mango juices and lassis, samosa crazy desis
and little kids that are milking the bhainses.
Toothbrush in my pocket, what is that?
We use our fingers here to keep our teeth so clear, who said that?

Luda Krishna here, Vikram pulling the Tata gears,
and I am sitting in the Maruti Supreme
with the cooling glass on no one bothers me,
biggest stars since the ever famous Mamooty.

Come with me to a place where we sip Frooties,
and we eat the sweets while monkeys roam the streets.
Old uncle sits - big bellies and burps smelly (burp!)

Thank you Vikram, would you please pass the jelly,
I mean the pickle, hand it down this way ... Namaste
we greet the people as they enter the train!
Sixty-five people hanging out, the doors start coming out.
Therefore, please don't raise your hand, you are not sure.

I walked into the local corner-store,
bought myself a very nice looking carroms board.
My fingers get sore when I shoot and I score,
and the ladkis all scream coz they all want some more,
of the Luda Krishna and the Vikram MC,
Sweetest thing to hit the States since mango chutney.
We keep the kundis shaking, you better trust me.
The name is Luda Krishna, but my friends call me Thambi, watch!! (burp!)

Ohhh, Vikram, is that you my friend?!
That is me my friend!
Oh, please enter this rap game!
Ok man! C'mon ... tell me where you're going my friend.

Welcome to India where the cows eat hay,
and we drive auto-rickshaws everyday,
Goat meats, yummy sweets, wild monkeys roaming,
The roosters don't crow till five in the morning! (2x)

Now the kundis don't jiggle till I'm rapping,
So please don't pass the gas when you're laughing.

Up the music charts like mango trees I climb,
With a smooth voice like mine, is it a crime?
Representing FOB-iness since ninety-seven
Rap maharaja, I don't work at 7-Eleven.
Throw your hands in the air if you've got facial hair,
Not just for the guys, c'mon ladies be fair!

I'm the MFP - Most FOB-ious Player,
Wearing hot lungis, do you think I really care?

Monday night - computer club
Tuesday night - at Akbaar grocery saying "Sweet thang, what is up?"
Wednesday - I'm out making rupees
Thurday - On lookout for Bharatnatyam queen
Friday - Everybody must know where I'm at, coz I'm chilling on the field with my big cricket bat.
Saturday - my farts are breezy ... believe me, so strong they will get you mad dizzy,
Sunday - Yaar, I cannot start weeping because on Monday I will start the creeping ... Hallo!

Ohhhh ... I love that my friend!
Yaa dawg, that was a funda-stic. Hey thank you, you're fabulous!
Oh, thank you my friend! Oh ...

Welcome to India where the cows eat hay,
and we drive auto-rickshaws everyday,
Goat meats, yummy sweets, wild monkeys roaming,
The roosters don't crow till five in the morning! (2x)

Oh, oh, go Luda, go Luda.
Ah, it's my birthday!
That is your birthday, man!
Yaaaaah. You go boy!
Oh oh oh ... it's great!
Ah, Indian honor my friend. Good night!
All right, goodbye ... kiss my buttocks!!

If you don't know Ludacris' original Welcome to Atlanta, play it here:
3 mts 20 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Mera Bharat Mahan...My India is great!



















Thursday, December 16, 2004

Allow me to fascinate you

Little Johnny Strikes Again...

A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my Granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating".

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand.

The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."

The teacher cried.