The Ten Commandments (of Marriage)

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3. Marriage is grand - and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

Commandment 5. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9. Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why the wife treats the husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Bonus Commandment story. A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "Wow!This stuff really works!"

[Ed: I don't know why the writer called them "commandments"...these seem more like statements]

Ads I Love: Double A Paper

0 mts 30 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

This ad takes a rather risqué approach that is very unusual for a paper company, though the fact that the company is Dutch does, to some extent, explain it.

The setup is a copy center. A very attractive girl walks in just as a young man gets done with his work, places a reem of Double A paper on a slab and goes out. He does not, of course, leave uncharmed by the captivating lady.

Alone in the copy room, the girl finds that the copier tray does not have the paper she wants. The reems she needs to refill the copier tray are placed too high for her to reach. Thus she climbs up on the copier machine in order to get a reem of Double A paper.

In the meantime, the guy realizes that he made a mistake...copied the wrong papers? left the originals in the room? So he goes back to the copy room.

In the copy room, the hot girl has mounted the copier, and as she is reaching for the reem, she accidentally presses the copy button, and the copier starts printing photocopies of her private area.

Yes, it IS a real ad. Go to http://www.doubleapaper.nl/sites/nl/double_reclame.asp and click on "Commercials". Then, of the three images, click on the middle one.

The first commercial at the site is equally breezy, even salacious. I must say, though, that I like the last one even better. A color copier is churning out copies of toasted bread. SUPER: No Jam. VO: Double A Paper: The smoothest paper to go into, and come out of your copier.

VIDEO: Korean Laodung Noodles

0 mts 41 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Ads I Love: Mazda 2 - Way to Park

0 mts 35 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

This commercial plays on the common notion that women can't park/ have trouble parking. Even as a couple of truckers are mocking her, and declaring that "she's never gonna get in there", our protagonist demonstrates the control, maneuverability, small size and coolness of the Mazda by parking it in a very tight spot in an ingenious way.

DOC: The Importance of Being Beautiful

Being beautiful turns the world in your favor. It may be unfair, but it's true.

Click here to read

VIDEO: Miley Sur Mera Tumhara

5 mts 47 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Finally, people, after a long and frustrating search, I have managed to procure the Doordarshan/ DAVP national integration film from yesteryears. Ladies and gentlemen, I hereby present for your viewing pleasure the real, the original Miley Sur Mera Tumhara video. Remember, you saw it here first.

And happy independence day folks!

Ads I Love: iPod your BMW

0 mts 31 secs

A warning will appear. Click OK to allow the ActiveX control required to play this video.



Allow the controller to load above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

The first used of iPod as a verb!

VIDEO: Tata Indica - Liar

0 mts 47 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

This is another ad that I don't necessarily love, but have put up on public demand.

When a obscenely compulsive liar praises the Indica, he realizes that he has just spoken the truth.

Ads I Love: Corporate Meeting

0 mts 28 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

“Ah Ted. Perfect timing. You remember Annette?”
“Of course”.
A passionate kiss follows.
“And you must be Jeffries”.
Another kiss.
“Pleasure. This is Linda from accounting.”
Another kiss.
And another kiss from Annette.
“Ted. You old dog. How’s that golf game?”
The women kiss. The men kiss.
Text: “SHAKING HANDS SPREADS MORE GERMS THAN KISSING.”
“So it doesn’t really seem like a Tuesday does it.”
Science World. We can Explain.

Ads I Love: Fevicol Synthetic Adhesive

Ads I Love: Women Love Smokers

1 mt 01 sec

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

This is without a doubt one of the absolute best ads I have seen.

* SPOILER ALERT *

A hot chic is driving a cool convertible along a deserted countryside road, and a young man tries to thumb a ride. The girl ignores the hitch-request and drives by. Bored and frustrated, the guy lights up. The girl sees this in the rear-view mirror, backs the car up, and asks the guy to hop in. And then comes the super that says:
Women feel safe with men who smoke.
Smoking causes impotency.

VIDEO: Tendulkar to Moin Khan

21 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Sachin Tendulkar bowls to Moin Khan. A performance to remember. A distant memory?

GAME: A Twist on the Mouse Maze

Click on the Start button above. Then...

Use arrow keys to help the mouse get to the cheese. The first round is simple. In second round, the arrow keys are changed. In the third round, the arrow keys change dynamically during the game. A case for consistent interface.

The Meatrix

Excellent work by TheMeatrix.Com. May just turn you a vegetarian.

Ads I Love: Pepsi Outdoor

Right under the nose of the rival. The cola wars don't get any better.

VIDEO: Vande Mataram

4 mts 51 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

This video marked the birth of the slick national-integration music-videos. This first of Bharatbala productions from 1998 does make the little hair on the back of your neck stand up. It does manage to inspire pride and patriotism. Vande mataram, countrymen.

P.S. - Vande Mataram is, of course, the national song of India. For many freedom-fighters it was a greeting, war-cry and sacred hymn. The above video is not a music video of the national song, even though it does borrow the title. The national song is as under:

Vande mataram, vande mataram, vande mataram
Vande mataram, vande mataram, vande mataram

Sujalam sufalam malyajasheetalam
Shashyashyamalam mataram

Shubra jyotsna pulkit yaminim
Phulla kusumit drumdalshobhinim
Suhasinim sumadhur bhashinim
Sikhdam vardam mataram

Kotikotikanth kalkalninand karale
Kotikotibhujairdhritkharvale
Ke bole ma tumi abley
Bahubaldharinim namamitarinim
Ripudal varinim mataram

(Mother, I bow to thee!

Rich with thy hurrying streams,
bright with orchard gleams,
Cool with thy winds of delight,
Green fields waving Mother of might,
Mother free.

Glory of moonlight dreams,
Over thy branches and lordly streams,
Clad in thy blossoming trees,
Mother, giver of ease
Laughing low and sweet!
Mother I kiss thy feet,
Speaker sweet and low!
Mother, to thee I bow.

Who hath said thou art weak in thy lands
When the sword flesh out in the seventy million hands
And seventy million voices roar
Thy dreadful name from shore to shore?
With many strengths who art mighty and stored,
To thee I call Mother and Lord!
Though who savest, arise and save!
To her I cry who ever her foeman drove
Back from plain and Sea
And shook herself free.)

GAME: Curve Ball

Click to serve the ball.

Move around mouse to move the paddle.

A Christmas Gift

Click here to download the stress release file.

Once downloaded, double-click on it to execute it. The computer might give you a warning, but just proceed...the computer will give a warning for any executable file...this file has no viruses.

Bra Codes

Have you ever wondered why bras are lettered A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, H and how the letters are actually used to define bra sizes?



















A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

Send this to all women to have a laugh AND, don't forget to have a mammogram!!!!!!

All-India Jokes

Bengali Jokes

What do you call a Bengali who takes bribe?
Mr. Goosh.

An angry Bengali letter?
Chitti-chitti Bong Bong

A talkative Bengali?
Bulbul Chatterjee

An outlawed Bengali?
Kanoon Banerjee

An enlightened Bengali?
Jyoti Basu

A Bengali who works?
A work of fiction

A stupid Bengali girl?
Balika Buddhu

A Bengali marriage?
Bedding

A Bengali voyeur?
Keyhollo

A mad Bengali?
In Sen

A dark Bengali who lives in a cave?
Kalidas Guha

A Bengali mobster?
Robin Ganguli

A perfumed Bengali?
Chandan Dass

A Bengali goldsmith?
Shonar Bongla

What's bigger than the state of Bengal?
The Bay of Bengal

What s common between Bengalis and sperms?
Only 1 in a million works

When does a Bengali sound like a dog?
When he says wow(Bow)

What does a ghati call a burping Bong?
Mukhopadrya

What do you call a Bengali who doesn't eat fish?
Ahilsa

Tamil Jokes

Whats the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?
Comepalakrishnan.

How do they start a road race in Tamil Nadu?
Ready....Steady.....PO

What do you call a really colourful Tamilian?
Rangamannar Rangarajan.

How does a Tamilian introduce the tennis superstar Lendl?
ivan Lendl (Ivan = 'he' in Tamil).

What did the Tamilian call the tall building a Japanese built?
Nikumo Nikado (Will it or wont it stand?)

Maharashtrian Jokes

What is a gay Maharashtrian called?
Deccan Queen

What do you call a westernised Maharashtrian?
Western Ghat.

What do you call a Maharashtrian tailor?
Sadashiv.

Which Maharashtrians wrote the book 'Apartheid in South Africa?'
Dhaval Gore and Krishnakant Kale.

What did Bruce Lee say to the Maharashtrian?
Tumhi Marathe, Aamhi Karate.

Gujarati Jokes

Why did the Gujjus think the man who acted as Gandhi in the film was a woman?
Because his name was 'Ben' Kingsley.

Why does the Gujju go to London?
To see his Big Ben.

Why did the visitor to the Gujju home run away when he was offered tea?
Because the Gujju said he would serve snakes with it.(snacks)

What is a Gujju picnic called?
A snake in the grass

Why did the Gujju wear a Tuxedo to his vasectomy?
If he was going to become impotent, he wanted to look impotent. (important)

Why did the American get scared of the Gujju?
Because he said 'Sue kare chhe.'

Why did Bill Clinton have the Gujju beaten?
The Gujju told him, You are an impotent man.

What will a Gujju tell a tomato who is trailing in a vegetable race?
Come on, Tomato, Ketch up

What did the Gujju mean when he said, Maro dikro STATES ma gayon?
His son failed in statistics.

Maro dikro Dubai gayo?
My son drowned.

Why was the Gujju stacking up pennies on the day before exams?
He wanted to get cent-par-cent.

Why did the gujju go to Rome ?
He wanted to listen to POPE music.

What did the Gujju have in the morning?
LIGHT SNAKES for breakfast.

What did the Gujju say to the singing prostitute?
You are going from BED To VERSE.

Why won't the gujju jeweler sell anything to the UP ka bhayiya?
The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked for KESH.

Sindhi Jokes

What do you call:

A god fearing Sindhi?
Bhagwandas Godwani

A Sindhi painter?
Sadarangani

A Sindhi who falls from the 1st floor?
Thadani

A Sindhi who falls from the 10th floor?
Kriplani

A Sindhi who falls from the 25th floor?
Marjani

A communist Sindhi?
Karl Lalwani

A Sindhi chef?
Papadmull Kukreja

A Sindhi electrician?
Voltram Bijlani

A fashionable Sindhi?
Jogio Armani

A Sindhi milkman?
Gopal Dudeja

A heroic Sindhi soldier?
Hiroo Sipahimalani

A Sindhi pest control contractor?
Khatmull Marwani

A Sindhi stripper working in New York?
Barbra Jhangiani

A Sindhi casanova?
Prem Kissinchandani

A Sindhi fire-engine?
Bhambhani

A Sindhi detergent?
Neelam Rindani

A Sindhi postman?
Mailwani

A forgetful Sindhi?
Bulo Bhulchandani

A fashionable Sindhi?
Primlani

A fat Sindhi?
Hathiramani

A Sindhi fly?
Makhija

A downtrodden Sindhi?
Nichani

A corrupt Sindhi?
Chaipani

Why are a Sindhis nostrils big?
Because the air is free.