We all receive tons of email forwards. I've been receiving them since 1997. So much so, that I have received some of them several scores of times, although I do not have hard data to back up that claim. Hence this blog.
Well, alright...not everything here was received as a forward. Some are gems that I have painstakingly collected over time
A lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own.
The old farmer smiled and said," Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the "Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot onto the lawyer's legs and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff then made the lawyer loose his early morning breakfast.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, Now it's my turn."
[I love this part....]
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naaaaaah, I give up now. You can have the duck."
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing..................She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.
She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'
In a world of too much work and too much multitasking, the best way to beat the competition may be to do less.
Remember the story of Archimedes lolling in his bathtub? To an observer, he'd have seemed to be wasting time. While ostensibly doing nothing, however, he discovered the principle of displacement, a cornerstone of physics. Would he have reached the same insight in a quick shower?
Unlikely. And while you might say that's ancient history, don't be too sure.
Consider that for most industries, the U.S. can't hope to be the low-cost producer in a global economy. With innovation now our main competitive strength, creativity is crucial for anyone who wants to move up.
But it's really, really hard, if not impossible, for the human brain to come up with fresh new ideas when its owner is overworked, overtired, and stressed out. And in today's wonderful world of nonstop work, 40% of American adults get less than seven hours of sleep on weeknights.
"The physiological effects of tiredness are well-known. You can turn a smart person into an idiot just by overworking him," notes Peter Capelli, a professor of management at Wharton.
Still, putting in more than 50 hours a week at the office has become routine --and that doesn't count time spent doing paperwork at home, answering e-mail at the airport, or talking on the phone in the car.
Sooner or later, companies' performance has to reflect that, Capelli says. "On the organizational level, what you get is, everyone is so focused on running flat-out to meet current goals that the whole company is unable to step back and think."
Indeed, "the notion that busyness is the essence of business can only do us long-term harm," writes consultant Tom DeMarco in a book called Slack: Getting Past Burnout, Busywork, and the Myth of Total Efficiency.
DeMarco knows the word "slack" has some not-so-hot connotations --slacking off, slacker, slack-jawed... --but his definition is different: the degree of freedom required to effect change.
"Companies need to respect the time it takes to do strategic thinking," he says. "Task-oriented thinking is important too, of course. But bigger thinking is slow."
The late Peter Drucker agreed. He wrote in The Effective Executive (an eerily prescient 40 years ago), "All one can think and do in a short time is to think what one already knows and to do as one has always done." Gulp.
Moreover, in Drucker's view, simply working longer and longer hours won't help. "To be effective, every knowledge worker, and especially every executive...needs to dispose of time in fairly large chunks," he wrote. "To have small dribs and drabs of time at his disposal will not be sufficient even if the total is an impressive number of hours."
Hmm, small dribs and drabs of time...and, just think, the BlackBerry hadn't been invented yet.
The multitasking trap
It's not really news that so-called multitasking can actually make people less effective at their jobs. One detailed study five years ago by psychologists at the University of Michigan demonstrated that, because the human brain needs time to shift gears between tasks, the more switching back and forth you have to do --between, say, talking on the phone, reading e-mail, and thinking about your next meeting, all while scarfing down a sandwich at your desk --the less proficiently you will tackle any of it (except maybe the sandwich).
The "time cost" of refocusing your attention may be only a few seconds with each switch, but the researchers found that, over time, it reduced people's total efficiency by 20% to 40%.
Seeing connections, when you have time
What scientists have only recently begun to realize is that people may do their best thinking when they are not concentrating on work at all. If you've ever had a great idea pop into your head while you were washing your car, walking your dog, or even napping, you already know what a team of Dutch psychologists revealed last month in the journal Science: The unconscious mind is a terrific solver of complex problems when the conscious mind is busy elsewhere or, perhaps better yet, not overtaxed at all.
This brings us back to Archimedes, whose "Eureka!" moment in the bath --or, to cite another example, Isaac Newton's discovery of gravity while loafing around under an apple tree --was a classic example of a kind of creativity known as remote association, or associative thinking. As the name implies, it's a knack for seeing connections among things that appear on the surface to be unrelated to each other.
For example, consider this sample question from the standard test for this trait, as developed by a University of Southern California psychologist named Sarnoff Mednick: "What word is related to the following other three? Cookies, sixteen, heart."
If you answered "sweet," well done.
Great innovators score off the charts in associative thinking, but most of us are capable of it to some degree --if given enough slack, in Tom DeMarco's sense of the word.
So it could well be that, in the era of knowledge work, the most prosperous companies will turn out to be those that encourage people to build some slack into their days. (A first step, according to DeMarco, might be to cancel as many meetings as possible.)
The Google example
If you doubt it, consider Google. On February 23, the company unveiled a new product called Page Creator, which allows people who can't write HTML code to create their own web pages quickly and easily.
Within hours, this was such a smash hit that the company had to put a temporary limit on the number of Google (Research) users who can sign up for it.
Page Creator is the brainchild of an engineer named Justin Rosenstein whose relatives were constantly bugging him to build web pages for them. He came up with the elegant technology behind the product while noodling around at the office on a project unrelated to his regular job.
Google's headquarters in Mountain View, Calif., is a famously laid-back place, replete with lap pools, massage rooms, pool tables, free haute cuisine, and loads of other stress-reducing amenities like onsite dry cleaners and hair stylists.
"We want to take as much hurry and worry out of people's lives as we can, because a relaxed state of mind unleashes creativity," says Stacy Sullivan, the company's HR director. "And everybody's on flextime here, so we don't reward face time or working super-long hours. We just measure results."
In the end, what else matters? Of course, not every workplace can match Google's. But plenty of companies might do a lot worse than to emulate the thinking behind it.
1. If you're gay or lesbian, it's a biological error that inhibits you from relating normally to the opposite sex. - Dr. Laura
2. It's a one-to-one dialogue. You open your mouth and you're talking to 6 million people. - Derek Jameson
3. And there's the Victoria Memorial, built as a memorial to Victoria. - David Dimbleby
4. His brother failed; lets see if he can succeed and maintain the family tradition. - David Coleman
5. Direct mail - it falls out of every magazine you open these days. - Derek Jameson
6. I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law. - David Dinkins
7. I'm making an announcement: Not one penny will I give to AIDS anything as long as [public sex is allowed in gay bathhouses]. Not cent one. It's a preventable disease. If you don't want to prevent it, I don't want to pay for it. - Dr. Laura
8. Marble Arch was outside the Palace, but now Marble Arch is at Marble Arch. - David Dimbleby
9. For those of you haven't read the book, it's being published tomorrow. - David Frost
10. There's a lot of good older players around, but very few. - David Carr
11. Sometimes when I'm swimming, I think that maybe someday I'll put my red Speedo up for auction. Or maybe I'll donate it to the Smithsonian. They can stuff it with two plums and a gherkin and put it on display. - David Duchovny
12. If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either. - Dick Cavett
13. A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. - Dan Quayle
14. I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future. - Dan Quayle
15. I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman. - Dan Quayle
16. This election is about who's going to be the next President of the United States! - Dan Quayle
17. A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. - Dan Quayle
18. In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to. - Dennis Miller
19. 'Its good to be back here in the great state of Chicago. - Dan Quayle
20. I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican. - Dan Quayle
21. If Ross Perot runs, that's good for us. If he doesn't run, it's good for us. - Dan Quayle
22. We're going to have the best- educated American people in the world. - Dan Quayle
23. Half this game is ninety percent mental. - Danny Ozark, Phillies manager
24. I'll tell you, it's Big Business. If there is one word to describe Atlantic City, it's Big Business. - Donald Trump
25. If crime went down 100%, it would still be fifty times higher than it should be. 26. D. C. Councilman John Bowman
27. I went in and said, "If I see one more gratuitous shot of a woman's body, I'm quitting . . . " I think the show should be emotional story lines, morals, real- life heroes. And that's what we're doing . . . - David Hasselhoff, star of Baywatch
28. The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. . . this century's history. . . . We all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century. - Dan Quayle
29. I've got my faults, but living in the past isn't one of them. There's no future in it. - Detroit Tigers manager Sparky Anderson
30. There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class. - David Coleman (Montreal Olympics)
31. My shoes are size 2 and a 1/2, the same size as my feet. - Elaine Page
32. Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued . . . Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976. - Excerpt from a letter, Illinois Department of Public Aid
33. Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist. - Epicurus
34. It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees. - Emiliano Zapata
35. If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet. - Ernest Bevin, British foreign minister
36. This country needs a spear chucker, and I think we've got him up on this podium. - Eugene Dorff, mayor of Kenosha, Wisconsin, introducing candidate Jesse Jack
37. The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch, and one on the throttle. - ESPN commentator Bob Varsha, covering a Grand Prix race
38. Richard Burton had a tremendous passion for the English language, especially the spoken and written word. - Frank Bough
39. The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe. - Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia
40. I want you guys to pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle. - Florida State football coach, Bill Peterson
41. Alright you guys, line up alphabetically by your height. - Florida State football coach, Bill Peterson
42. Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand. - Football Coach, Duffy Daugherty
43. Men, I want you to think of one word and one word only: Super Bowl. - Football Coach, Bill Peterson
44. There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life. - Frank Zappa
45. Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas. - Former Australian cabinet minister, Keppel Enderbery
46. If a third or more of our population were killed in an attack (a conservative estimate by the standards of the Rand Corporation's "Study of Nonmilitary Defense") a stronger estate tax would have a tremendous revenue potential. - from a 1963 Federal Reserve System planning document
47. At the Lincoln Park traps on Sunday. . . over 80 shooters took part in the program. Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself. - From Chicago Rotary Club journal
48. The Rolling Stones suffered a great loss with the death of Ian Stewart, the man who had for so many years played piano quietly and silently with them on stage. - Andy Peebles
49. Eye witnesses were on the scene in minutes. - Adam Boulton
50. You seem to be a man who likes to keep his feet on the ground - - you sail a lot. - Alan Titchmarsh, BBC1
51. Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait. - A. Whitney Brown
52. Everybody winds up kissing the wrong person good night. - Andy Warhol
53. I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever. - Amie Beth Dickinson, Miss Alabama 1994, answering the question "If you could live forever, would you and why?"
54. It's like learning to play golf. Just when you think you've cracked it, they move the goalposts. - Adrian Love, Southern Counties Radio
55. We are now living in the age in which we live. - Ann Burdis
56. Most of the living legends I've been researching go back over centuries. - Andrew Jones
57. Why do you think marriage is a bum deal, for you as a gay person? - Ann Leslie
58. So if you haven't set off for the center yet, the best thing to do is to turn back and go home. - Anne Nightingale
59. You are a first generation American but your father wasn't. - Alan Tentob
60. Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies. - Adrienne Gusoff
61. The best way to predict the future is to invent it. - Alan Kay
62. Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. - Al Bundy
63. We all know the leopard can't change his stripes. - Al Gore
64. During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet. - Al Gore
65. Genius is the talent of a person who is dead. - Anonymous
66. Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be right. - Anonymous
67. What is life, except excuse for death, or death but an escape from life. - Anonymous
68. Guide to understanding a net addict's day: Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on Usenet. Busy day: managed to work in three hours of Usenet. Bad day: barely squeezed in three hours of Usenet. - Anonymous
69. Wherever I have gone in this country, I have found Americans. - Alf Landon, in a campaign speech while running against FDR
70. I've been planted here to be a vessel for acting, you know what I mean? - Actor Leonardo DiCaprio
71. Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing- but none of them serious. - Alan Minter
72. Did you write the words, or the lyrics? - Bruce Forsyth
73. And he nipped them in the bud, right at the end. - Bob Holness
74. And we journalists are taught to avoid clichés like the plague. - Barry Norman
75. I wasn't always black . . . There was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger. - Bill Cosby
76. It wasn't hit terribly well. - Bob Costas. after Knoblauch hit a ball in the ALCS playoffs
77. Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. - Brooke Shields
78. They've really got the bit between their legs now. . . - Bobby Ham, Pulse Sport
79. Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly. - Batman Costume warning label
80. Dial- up telephone modems are an abomination. They cram digital data packets through analog voice circuit switches- - the worst of both worlds. . . even telephone modems, dumb as they are, know what they are doing is wrong. Just listen to their hissing and screeching every time we force them to do it. - Bob Metcalfe
81. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order. - Brian Pickrell
82. Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries. - Bill Cosby
83. When you become senile, you won't know it. - Bill Cosby
84. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. - Bob Hope
85. When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in. - Bob Hope
86. We have only one person to blame, and that's each other. - Barry Beck, New York Ranger, on who started a brawl
87. The doctors X- rayed my head and found nothing. - Baseball great Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the hea
88. 640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates, 1981
89. I've been up and down so many times that I feel as if I'm in a revolving door. - Cher
90. I'm a salty, greasy girl. I give every french fry a fair chance. Could you just lay some lard in my belly? - Cameron Diaz
91. Once he'd gone past the point of no return, there was no going back. - Commentator, BBC1
92. It's not so much a thankless task, it's more a job with no thanks. - Colin Baker, ITV
93. Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself. - Chicago Rotary Club journal
94. We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people. - Colonel Gerald Wellman
95. I do not know the American gentleman, god forgive me for putting two such words together. - Charles Dickens
96. He does not preach what he practices till he has practiced what he preaches. - Confucius
97. For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died. - Cervantes
98. Don't cut off your nose yourself. - Casey Stengel
99. Mr. Speaker, this bill is a phony with a capital F. - US Congressman, during a heated congressional debate
100. There's Adam Clymer, major- league asshole from the New York Times. Cheney's response, "Oh yeah, he is, big time. " - George W. Bush / Dick Cheney
101. According to a survey 1 in 100 men wear the same hair each week. - GWR FM
102. US planes have the capability to penetrate deep into Soviet soil. - General Rogers
103. If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight. - George Gobol.
104. Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin
105. I have opinions of my own - strong opinions- but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush
106. I have such poor vision I can date anybody. - Garry Shandling
107. Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. - George Bernard Shaw
108. For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex. . . uh. . . setbacks. - George Bush
109. I hope I stand for anti- bigotry, anti- Semitism, anti- racism. This is what drives me. - George Bush
110. Now, like, I'm the president. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come in to the White House and start offering it up, you know?. . . I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that. ' (Talking about drug abuse to a group of students) - George Bush
111. This is Pearl Harbor Day. 47 years ago to this very day, we were hit and hit hard at Pearl Harbor. " - Bush addressing the American Legion in Louisville, Kentucky, on Sept 7, '88, 3 months off target . - George Bush
112. A letter from the Iowa Department of Human Services said, "Your medical assistance is cancelled beginning 9/24/84 because of your death. " - Government
113. You're a parasite for sore eyes. - Gregory Ratoff, actor/director
114. [I want to] make sure everybody who has a job wants a job. - George Bush, during his 1st campaign for the presidency
115. Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind. 116. General William Westmoreland
117. I want to gain 1500 or 2000 yards, whichever comes first. - George Rogers, New Orleans Saints running back
118. These American horses know the fences like the back of their hands. - Harvey Smith
119. Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive? - Heidi Sandige
120. Give Bill a second term, and Al Gore and I will be turned loose to do what we really want to do. - Hillary Clinton, speaking at a Democratic fundraiser
121. I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president. - Hillary Clinton, commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents
122. Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew. - Harry Carpenter, commenting on a boat race
123. I think that a toilet roll with Father Christmas printed on it is really scraping the bottom. - Interviewee on Woman's Hour
124. It was completely quiet in the stadium - but noisy, - John Humphreys
125. What's nice about my dating life is that I don't have to leave my house. All I have to do is read the paper: I'm marrying Richard Gere, dating Daniel Day Lewis, parading around with John F. Kennedy, Jr., and even Robert De Niro was in there for a day. - Julia Roberts
126. I might have been through some changes, but changing the way I look wasn't one of the major ones. To be honest. I'm sick of the whole subject of my hair. I mean, are you just sitting there looking at my hair, or are you looking at me? - Jon Bon Jovi
127. I'm an old- fashioned guy. . . I want to be an old man with a beer belly sitting on a porch, looking at a lake or something. - Johnny Depp
128. Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass. - Jim Carrey
129. We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police. - Jeff Marder
130. Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T- shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. - Jerry Seinfeld
131. Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody? - Jon Stewart
132. I must declare an interest in this, and say that I know absolutely nothing at all about guns. - Jimmy Young
133. At the finish, it was all over. - Jim Watt
134. A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid. - Jack Benny
135. For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. - Johnny Carson
136. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. - Joe Louis
137. He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt. - J. Heller
138. Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining. - Jeff Raskin
139. A dollar saved is a quarter earned. - John Ciardi
140. When holding a press conference on Free Trade with U. S. president Bill Clinton, Canadian prime minister Jean Chretien was asked what he thought about all the drugs that were entering Canada from the U. S. He responded: "Well, it's more trade. " After a tense moment of silence and some muffled laughter Clinton leaned over and whispered something in Chretien's ear. Chretien immediately blurted "Oh drugs! I thought you said trucks!" - Jean Chretien
141. When President Kennedy did a speech in Berlin, his ending line is "Ich bin ein Berliner. " To German speakers, what that really means is "I am a jelly donut!" - John F. Kennedy
142. Upon his drafting into the Dallas Mavericks, Mr. Kidd was quoted as saying "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees". Let's think about that, shall we? - Jason Kidd (Dallas Mavericks)
143. I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves. - John Wayne
144. My life is so full of surprises, nothing surprises me any more. - Kim Wilde
145. I'd like to put on buckskins and a ponytail and go underwater with a reed, hiding from the Indians. To me, that's sexy! - Kevin Costner
146. When Electrolux first marketed their vacuum cleaners in the U. S. , their slogan was, "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux!" Apparently, the Swedish- speaking people who created that slogan didn't know that in American slang, "suck" also means "to be bad".
147. A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on. - Lee Iacocca
148. Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin really embodies the grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen a angry penguin charging at them in excess of 100mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what they say if they had. - Linus Torvalds
149. For best results: wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good results: drag behind car through puddles, blow- dry on roof rack. - Laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET (Korea)
150. I've always thought that under populated countries in Africa are vastly under polluted. - Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank
151. The first black president will be a politician who is black. - L. Douglas Wilder, governor of Virginia
152. So Carol, you're a housewife and mother. And have you got any children? - Michael Barrymore
153. It was here that V. S. Naipaul found his voice as a writer. - Melvyn Bragg
154. Red squirrels. . . you don't see many of them since they became extinct. - Michael Aspel, Radio 2
155. There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all. - Robert Orben
156. Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field. - Metro Radio
157. When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family? - Robin Williams
158. Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are. - Matt Lauer from NBC's Today Show.
159. If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate. - Marion Barry, Ex Mayor Of Washington D. C.
160. What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary? - Marion Barry, Ex Washington D. C. Mayor
161. I was driving through Kent and literally went through bright blue sunshine. - Mike Smith
162. It's all happening too fast. I've got to put the brakes on or I'll smack into something. - Mel Gibson
163. What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me? - Marilyn Pittman
164. I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget. - Michael McShane
165. First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club and second, what can I say? I'm a night owl. - M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
166. Bitch set me up. - M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
167. I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less. - M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
168. The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist. - M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
169. I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa? - M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
170. People have criticized me because my security detail is larger than the president's. But you must ask yourself: are there more people who want to kill me than who want to kill the president? I can assure you there are. - M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
171. The brave men who died in Vietnam, more than 100% of which were black, were the ultimate sacrifice. - M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
172. I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican. - M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
173. What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary? - M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
174. During an either late January or early February edition of Larry King Live, he had Monica Lewinski on as a guest. They were discussing her weight loss through the Jenny Craig program. While her intentions were quite innocent, the following quote was quite funny. "I've learned not to put things in my mouth that are bad for me. - Monica Lewinski
175. I wonder if we can speak through rose- tinted spectacles. - Nick Ross
176. It's only when you get to the outskirts of the city that the slippery conditions really get a grip. - Norman Rickard
177. This is exactly how the World Wide Web works: the HTML files are the pithy description on the paper tape, and your Web browser is Ronald Reagan. - Neal Stephenson
178. In politics stupidity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte
179. It's just gone 17 minutes past four. That's the time, by the way. - Paul Jordan
180. This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing. - Pat Glenn, Weightlifting Commentator
181. This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother. - Pat Glenn, Weightlifting Commentator
182. This kind of thing has happened since Kingdom Come. - Peter Lush
183. Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres! - Padres radio announcer
184. You shouldn't stay here too long, or you'll turn slitty-eyed, - Prince Philip Windsor talking to some British students in China
185. Things are more like they are now than they have ever been. - President Gerald Ford
186. And what is more, I agree with everything I have just said. - Piet Koornhoff, South African ambassador to the US
187. After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school department is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post. - Philip Streifer, superintendent of schools, Barrington Rhode Island
188. I know what I've told you I'm going to say, I'm going to say. And what else I say, well, I'll take some time to figure out, figure out all that. - George Bush
189. There is today in the United States as much forest as there was when Washington was at Valley Forge. - Ronald Reagan
190. A week is a long time in politics, and three weeks is twice as long. - Rosie Barnes
191. If you put it on the table as a bargaining chip, it becomes a bargaining chip. - Ronald Reagan
192. In Japan, I suppose, apples are small bananas compared to rice. - Rhoda Sharp, Radio 5 Live
193. Jersey's Crime Prevention Team are out and about, so have you locked up your property? - Roger Bara, Radio Jersey
194. One possible compromise is to permit gays, but restrict them to the rear echelon. - Radio 4 News
195. The champion has retired after 8 undefeated victories. - Richard Whitely
196. There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all. - Robert Orben
197. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. - Rita Mae Brown
198. Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot- proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. " "I have all the answers, it's just that most of them aren't right. - Rich Cook
199. When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family? - Robin Williams
200. We spend weeks and hours every day preparing the Budget. - Ronald Reagan
201. If we can just get young people to do the same as their fathers did, that is, wear condoms. - Richard Branson
202. Listen, Jerusalem wasn't built in a day. - Robert Maxwell
203. Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma. - Rita Mae Brown
204. I have all the answers, it's just that most of them aren't right. - Rich Cook
205. As Henry VIII said to each of his three wives, " I won't keep you long. " - Ronald Reagan
206. I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes. - Richard Nixon
207. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx
208. Man has made use of his intelligence, he invented stupidity. - Remy De Gourmant
209. I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me. - R. Geis
210. If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever to get a 'fix' of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude that Netnews is far more addictive than cocaine. - Rob Stamofli
211. This is a great day for France! - Richard Nixon, said while attending Charles De Gaulle's Funeral.
212. In a speech, when he was aiming to say "I have had great financial success" Ross Perot by mistake said "I have had great financial sex. " - Ross Perot
213. Bruce Sutter has been around for awhile and he's pretty old. He's thirty- five years old. That will give you some idea of how old he is. - Ron Fairley, Giants broadcaster
214. This is the operative statement. The others are inoperative. - Ron Ziegler, press secretary to President Richard Nixon
215. He's trying to take the decision out of the hands of twelve honest men and give it to 435 congressmen! - Representative Charles Vanik of Ohio
216. He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it- you can see it all over their faces. - Ron Atkinson
217. We would not be here but for those people who gave their lives and very often gave their futures. - Simon Bates
218. He is in hospital suffering from a nervous breakdown, but no doubt he will soon be better and running around like a maniac. - Simon Bates
219. Apparently there is no truth in the fact that Sylvester Stallone's wife is a lesbian. - Steve Wright
220. My second hit was a flop. - Shakin' Stevens
221. I've got 10 pairs of training shoes - one for every day of the week. - Sam Fox
222. In our industry John Blake is the kind of guy you either love or hate. I like him. - Simon Bates
223. Not only was Sue having a nervous breakdown, but she was having a tough time mentally too. - Simon Bates
224. And don't forget, on Sunday, you can hear the two minute silence on Radio 1. - Steve Wright
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa." "Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz." A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computer"), because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...
Ghost Shit You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Shit Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!
Gooey Shit This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Shit You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly Shit You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Shit You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong Shit This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Shit This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.
Wish Shit You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!
Cement Block or Oh God Shit You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.
Snake Shit This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit) Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers) You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.
Beer Drunk Shit This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.
The Frightened Turtle The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in
The Bungee Shit The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.
The Ring of Fire Shit The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The Crippler The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.
The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Incredible Hulk Shit The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.
The Jack the Ripper Shit The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
The Toxic Gas Shit The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
Dirty Bowl Shit The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
The Windy City Shit When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.
Oh Shit! Shit You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!
The Never Ending Shit It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Ouch That Hurt Shit The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.
Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.
In this video scores of well-educated young women sign a petition to end women's suffrage. Don't blame them - English is their first language!
P.S. - Padua Academy is an all-girls Catholic high school in Wilmington, Delaware. The high school was founded in 1954 and is a four-time winner of the “Superstars in Education” Award from the Delaware State Chamber of Commerce.
An Arab was walking through the desert, desperate for water, when he saw an old Jewish man selling neckties. The Arab said, "I'm dying of thirst. Can I have some water?"
The Jewish man replied, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that will look nice with your robe."
The Arab said, "I don't want a tie. I need water."
"OK, don't buy a tie," the Jewish man said. "But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill, about four miles away, is a restaurant. They have water."
The Arab walked over the hill. Two hours later, he came crawling back. The Jew asked, "Couldn't you find the restaurant?"
The Arab gasped, "I found it all right. Your brother wouldn't let me in without a tie."
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the 1st message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've reached Date: August 3, 2005 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here; we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!
PBS's Charlie Rose talks to PM Manmohan Singh at the PM's official residence before President Bush's visit.
Pronunciation gaffes (when you hear giant, he actually means joint), which make the PM sometimes hard to understand even to Indians, notwithstanding, this is a very interesting interview, and Manmohan Singh comes across as a person in control. He comes across as one who knows exactly what's going on, knows what he wants to do and when, and is aware of his limitations.
The PM handles most questions very defly; the question about Iran's nuclear ambitions and questions about relationship with China are prime examples. He also gives the impression of honesty and modesty which strengthens the positive stereotype. A few answers do appear to get repetitive, and he seems to be beating the issue of "a democratic India within an open economic framework" to death.
Anyways, without further ado, here's the interview (yeah, I do know it rhymes):
Transcript ==========
CHARLIE ROSE, HOST: Welcome to the broadcast. This week, the president of the United States goes to India. I just returned today from India with two of my colleagues, where we spent an extraordinary week talking to political, business and cultural leaders. They provide us with an insight into this extraordinary moment in India's economic development and the possibilities of a new relationship with the United States. The centerpiece of this new relationship is about India's nuclear facilities and its rise to a global power.
A visit to India and the interviews this week are the beginning of a series of visits our broadcast will take to various countries around the globe, where we will examine powerful ideas shaping the 21st century.
We begin this evening with an exclusive conversation with the prime minister of India, Manmohan Singh.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MANMOHAN SINGH, PRIME MINISTER, INDIA: I've mentioned to the president last time I met, Mr. President, the people of India, particularly the thinking part of our population, our scientists, our technologists, have rightly or wrongly nursed this grievance against the United States, that the United States has joined with other countries to erect a system of controls which denies our country access to dual-use technologies, to prevent us from leapfrogging in the race for social and economic development.
And I said, I appeal to you, I think to look at India-U.S. nuclear cooperation in that grand setting. I look upon it as an act of historic reconciliation. The future growth of China -- China's influence is bound to rise. And we all believe that we must remain engaged with China. We have differences with China with regard to the border issue. We are making a sincere effort to resolve those differences, and the president told me that's precisely what you should do, I think. He says the United States also wants to remain engaged with China, but I also believe that without looking at each other as rivals or as competitors, in a democratic India, operating in the framework of an open economy, an open society has, I think, some significance for developing countries, not only in Asia but outside Asia.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
CHARLIE ROSE: The prime minister of India for the hour. Next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
CHARLIE ROSE: Mr. Prime Minister, thank you very much for letting us visit you here, at the official residence.
MANMOHAN SINGH: It is a great pleasure and great privilege to have you with me at my residence.
CHARLIE ROSE: Thank you very much. Anybody who comes here from America always comes back and says it's really a remarkable experience. I mean, the last time I was interviewing you, you quoted Victor Hugo, saying, as you had said to the parliament, "Nothing can stop an idea ...
MANMOHAN SINGH: "...whose time has come."
CHARLIE ROSE: "... whose time has come." In terms of the United States and India, you think that applies today, an idea whose time has come?
MANMOHAN SINGH: I sincerely believe that, and that's what I said in my address to the U.S. Congress. I said there are partnerships based on principle. There are partnerships based on pragmatism. And fortunately, when it comes to Indo-American relations, both concentrations find a new robust phase of relationship, a multi-fasted relationship which I believe exists in the interests of both our countries.
CHARLIE ROSE: Can it be transformational?
MANMOHAN SINGH: It could be transformational. It's...I hope it will be transformational.
CHARLIE ROSE: So, signaling a new what?
MANMOHAN SINGH: A new India which realizes its destiny in the framework of an open society, in the framework of an open economy, respecting all fundamental human freedoms, great respect for pluralistic, inclusive value system. I think that's what unites India and the United States. And I do hope that working together, our two countries can write a new chapter in the history of our relationship.
India has, of course, aspirations of getting out of its poverty, ignorance and disease, which still afflict millions of people. But I do believe that we have something to offer to the rest of the world, including the United States. Nowhere else you will find a country of India's diversity, of India's complexity, one billion people trying to seek their social and economic salvation in the framework of a democracy, in the framework of an open economy.
I sincerely believe what happens in India has, I think, lessons, morals for the future evolution of humankind in the 21st century.
CHARLIE ROSE: What are those lessons?
MANMOHAN SINGH: I do believe that the future of civilization belongs to those who would lay emphasis on working together instead of talking about clash of civilizations. What we need is a dialogue amongst civilizations. And we need multiculturalism, respect for diversity, tolerance, respect for diverse faiths. And that's what we are doing in our country. And if we succeed, and if we succeed in doing all this in the framework of a democratic policy, I believe a large part of humanity will draw appropriate lessons from what is the wave of the future in the 21st century.
CHARLIE ROSE: And you're prepared in this new strategic partnership with the United States to use that to help in terms of bridging and creating dialogue with the rest of the world where it might be necessary to have that kind of background?
MANMOHAN SINGH: We have -- yes. I think what we're trying to do is, I believe, has lessons for what happens to the rest of the developing world. But not only developing world. With the revolution in information technology, with the revolution in transport technologies, I think just geography has lost its all significance. I believe whether it is the United States or Europe, they will all end up as multicultural societies. So India is this great experiment of a billion people of such great diverse persuasions working together, seeking their salvation in the framework of a democracy. I believe it will have some lessons for all the multicultural societies, and I believe all societies, all thriving societies of the future are going to be multicultural societies.
CHARLIE ROSE: So on Wednesday, March 1st, the president of the United States, representing the world's oldest democracy, comes to see you, representing the world's largest democracy. How did that happen? Because it is said that the president saw you at the United Nations, one story, and pulled you aside or asked for a moment and said, I understand your country's demand for oil. I understand China's demand for oil. I understand our demand for oil. I want to help you with the nuclear issue, and let us work on that, and let us try to get past what has been an obstacle.
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, I don't recall his telling me at the United Nations, but I do recall his telling me at the very first meeting that I had with him. And we were together also at Gleneagles, at the G-8 summit. We had extensive dialogue. We were sitting side by side. And this is exactly how he described the global energy scene, India's requirements. And he said to me, if the oil prices go up to $100, that hurts India, but it also hurts the United States. So we must work together to help India to get its nuclear security by increased emphasis on the availability of nuclear power.
CHARLIE ROSE: So that puts this nuclear deal at the centerpiece of this new relationship?
MANMOHAN SINGH: In a way, yes. But ours is a multidimensional relationship. But at the present stage, energy has emerged as a major constraint on our development. A the present, 70 percent of India's imports of oil and oil products are imported from abroad. There is uncertainty about supply. There is uncertainty about prices. And that hurts India's development.
We have large reserves of coals, but extensive use of coal, unless we use clean coal technologies I think has environmental hazards, global warming and all that. But in all this, if we have access to nuclear energy, that adds to our maneuverability in ensuring energy security as our country marches on, on the path to accelerated development.
CHARLIE ROSE: It will also mark, too, a new access to technology and to fuel, you know, and future reactors in the civilian sphere. It also seems to give acceptance within the global community to the responsible -- your sense of responsibility in handling nuclear weaponry.
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, we have an impeccable record. We have never been the source of unauthorized proliferation of these sensitive technologies, even when the provocations were there. We have a very tight system of export control. In fact, before going to the United States, I got parliament to pass latest legislation, which puts our export controls on the same footing as most of the developed countries when it comes to export of sensitive technologies.
So I do believe -- we are a nuclear weapons state, but we are unique in the sense that we still believe that the salvation of the world ultimately lies in moving towards universal nuclear disarmament, but that's a long distance away. And Indians, we would like to be a part of the nuclear world order, accepting all the responsibilities that go with being a responsible nuclear power, and at the same time enlarging our options with regard to energy security of our country.
CHARLIE ROSE: The president arrives on Wednesday. Will you have an agreement before he arrives, do you think?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, I sincerely hope. That's my hope. That's my prayer.
CHARLIE ROSE: Right now, there seems to be a separation in terms of what reactors will be in the civilian field and what will be considered military in this separation. Is that the dividing issue, what goes where?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, I wouldn't call it a dividing issue. It is an important issue. I think the United States -- I recognize that the United States has to sell this deal to the Congress, but we have also a congress. And I've always told our parliament, as I mentioned to the president, this deal is not about India's strategic program. That is not under discussion. What is under discussion is our civilian nuclear program.
And there are concerns. And we had agreed that we will have a credible separation between our strategic program and the civilian program. That we are committed to. Whatever we have committed in July 18 statement in letter and spirit, we will fulfill our obligations.
CHARLIE ROSE: It's more than 90 percent likely they will have an agreement?
MANMOHAN SINGH: I certainly hope that.
CHARLIE ROSE: You think it will happen before the president arrives or once the president arrives?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, I think there is only a few days. Our officials have been at work. They were at work until I think early morning yesterday. I think the burden has gone back. I sincerely hope that we can clinch this issue, and that would be a great contribution of President Bush to ending India's isolation from the world nuclear order.
I mentioned to the president last time I met, Mr. President, the people of India, particularly the thinking part of our population, our scientists, our technologists, have rightly or wrongly nursed this grievance against the United States, that the United States has joined with other countries to erect a system of controls which denies our country access to dual-use technologies to prevent us from leapfrogging in the race for social and economic development. And I said, I appeal to you, I think to look at India-U.S. nuclear cooperation in that grand setting. I look upon it as an act of historic reconciliation.
CHARLIE ROSE: Well, I think it's an interesting thing, because the president has Congress to deal with.
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, we have also our parliament, and our parliament is also very sensitive about these issues. I have promised our parliament that I will do nothing which will hurt India's strategic program.
And our program is a modest program. Also although we are not NPT signatories, we abide by most of the guidelines that operate with regard to export of sensitive technologies, and therefore I do believe that India is a unique case, and you need, I think, exceptional skills, I think, to incorporate India into the world nuclear order.
CHARLIE ROSE: Some say to the United States, if you go ahead with this, as you plan to do, the United States, it's hypocritical because of your objection to Iran having a nuclear weapon.
MANMOHAN SINGH: No. Our relations with Iran we relish a great deal. We have civilizational links. We are in the same region as Iran, and our concern with regard to Iran is that Iran is a signatory to the NPT. Iran must therefore have all the rights which go with it being a member of the NPT, but it also has certain obligations, which it has voluntarily taken, and, therefore, it is appropriate that Iran also fulfills those obligations.
Now, there have been doubts about Iran's program. The International Atomic Energy Agency has gone into this. The Iranians themselves have admitted that certain elements of their program they have not reported to the International Atomic Energy Agency. Our hope is that it is not too late in the day to the resolve these differences through dialogue, through diplomacy. And I hope that the world community will have the sagacity to give diplomacy, dialogue the full scope to reconcile these so-called irreconcilable...
CHARLIE ROSE: Why do you think the president, or do you believe he views this relationship with you and your country, between the United States and India, as a major foreign policy initiative? Some have even said, as you know, that for this president, it's equivalent to President Nixon going to China.
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, I've met the president now three or four times, and I have been deeply impressed by his commitment to the cause of democracy. He sincerely believes that democracy is good for everybody, that democracy is good for world peace, democracies don't go to war. And the fact that India is a functioning democracy - despite its extreme poverty, India has stayed the course. It has remained a full, functioning democracy. I suspect that weighs with the president a great deal.
CHARLIE ROSE: The idea of democracy and being able to have a strategic relationship with the world's largest democracy is important to him?
MANMOHAN SINGH: That's what I feel. I think he's always told me, and in his address to the Asia Society a few days ago...
CHARLIE ROSE: A few days ago, yes.
MANMOHAN SINGH: ... he made again I think great emphasis on that. What sort of relationship? It's based on values as well as interest, as the president put it. The values are the values of democracy, the values of pluralism, the value of tolerance of differences. And the interests are to have two countries work together, this is a win-win game. India's growth rate will be accelerated, but in the process, America would also benefit. Outsourcing, information technology revolution, the access to India's human resources, India's pool of scientists. It will also help American companies to become leaner, meaner, more efficient, and they become more competitive, both in the United States and in dealing with the rest of the world.
CHARLIE ROSE: I want to talk about all those economic issues. Let me stay with the strategic issue for a second. There are those who say the president would like to have a counter-balance to China. That India serves, because of all these interests -- the economic, as well as cultural, and as well as sharing democracy -- as the best way for the United States to have a countervailing relationship for China?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, we are not in competition with China. I had a very good discussion with the president on this subject, and I think there was a complete unanimity of news. Both of our countries believe China is very important. The future growth of China, China's influence is bound to rise. And we all believe that we must remain engaged with China.
We have differences with China with regard to the border issue. We are making a sincere effort to resolve those differences, and the president told me that's precisely what you should do, I think. He said the United States also wants to remain engaged with China. But I also believe that without looking at each other as rivals or as competitors, in a democratic India, operating in the framework of an open economy, an open society, has, I think, some significance for developing countries, not only in Asia, but outside Asia.
CHARLIE ROSE: The president said he didn't want to -- I think his words were, I don't want to contain China -- but he doesn't think that one country should dominate in the region. Do you share that idea?
MANMOHAN SINGH: I think looking at history, I think that would be an appropriate moral, I think.
CHARLIE ROSE: Does India want to help contain China if that's America's policy?
MANMOHAN SINGH: As I said, we are not in competition with China. We are not part -- we are not going to be a part of any alliance against China. And I do believe that the present Chinese leadership wants to make a success of its modernization. I don't believe the present leadership of China threatens India, or for that matter other countries.
We would like to have, I think, warm, friendly relations with China. We would like to resolve our border dispute. Our economic relations are growing. And both of our countries need peace and cooperation I think to make a success of our ambitious plans to get rid of our -- get rid of poverty that afflicts millions of people in both countries.
CHARLIE ROSE: What do you think China's ambitions are?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, as of now certainly, I think the modernization of Chinese economy and Chinese society is a prime concern. But also I think the Chinese do have visions of being a great power, and I think it's legitimate, and I don't see that's a danger to us.
CHARLIE ROSE: India wants to be a great power?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Yes. I just said -- when you quoted me, when I quoted Victor Hugo, I said precisely, I said the emergence of India as a major global power is an idea whose time has come. This is a legitimate ambition for China, this is a legitimate ambition for India. And the challenge for humanity is to evolve a system in which the legitimate ambitions of both our countries can find constructive expression without threatening anybody else.
CHARLIE ROSE: Secretary Rice has said that the United States' goal is to assist in any way it can India becoming a global power in the 21st century.
MANMOHAN SINGH: That's when she came here last year and she for the first time made that formulation. And I rang her up a few days ago, and I said to her, Madam, you are the one who planted this idea that the United States would like to help India to become a major power. Well, this nuclear deal (INAUDIBLE) be a concrete expression of U.S. interest. So I hope we will have her blessings to conclude this deal before the president comes.
CHARLIE ROSE: As India becomes a global power, with its economy, with its population, with its democracy, with its trade, how can the United States in a strategic sense help India?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, there are diverse ways in which - right now, terror and all that goes with it is a prime concern. It's a concern of the United States. It's a concern of India. Joint strategies, cooperation, joint sharing of intelligence, in controlling terrorism, in making the world free from terror. I think that's the fundamental, I think, consideration if our development aspirations are to be fulfilled. And I think our two countries can cooperate.
CHARLIE ROSE: In the battle against terrorism?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Yes. Well, in our neighborhood, we have the nascent democracy of Afghanistan. We have been engaged in helping Afghanistan to the best of our ability. We have a development assistance program for Afghanistan of nearly $650 million. Our program covers all the basic human needs and requirements of Afghanistan. So working together in helping nascent democracies in the task of reconstruction, in the task of development is another area where our two countries can work together.
And the president himself mentioned our cooperation in making the world secure against epidemics like HIV/AIDS, malaria, tuberculosis. These are our major problems. The United States and India can work together. We can pool our research capabilities to find vaccines which will provide effective answers to the problems posed by these epidemics.
CHARLIE ROSE: It's already happening in the private sector with Bill Gates coming here and being involved.
MANMOHAN SINGH: Yes, Bill Gates is very, I think, intimately involved in these programs. And we welcome his involvement.
CHARLIE ROSE: When you think about agriculture, there is this idea that is being promoted, which is a second green revolution.
MANMOHAN SINGH: Yes. I did mention myself in my address to the joint session of the Congress, the first green revolution in our country, which came in the early 1960s, owes a great deal to the cooperation between Indian authorities, Indian scientists and the (INAUDIBLE) colleges of the United States, the Rockefeller Foundation, the Ford Foundation. I think that is a glowing chapter in the history of cooperation between our two countries.
CHARLIE ROSE: And it can be reignited?
MANMOHAN SINGH: It can be reignited. And that's what the president and I have some very good ideas. We have discussed that, the knowledge initiatives to give a big boost to the second green revolution in our country.
CHARLIE ROSE: There is also military cooperation. Some representatives of your military went to see Secretary Rumsfeld. There is an agreement there.
MANMOHAN SINGH: Yes, there is a framework agreement.
CHARLIE ROSE: What are the implications of that?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, I think we would like to diversify sources of our purchases of weapons. Also, we would like to have a cooperative arrangements where some of these things, joint research, joint production, and also I think the cooperation between the military of two countries. We have already, I think, in place arrangements where the air forces of the two countries have joint exercises, the naval forces. So I would like I think to expand the relationship with the United States in all these diverse fields.
CHARLIE ROSE: Is in any way it difficult to be a friend of the United States in 2006?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, let me say that even since Iraq, even in Iran, I think do create some anxieties, particularly among the Muslim population of our country. And I sincerely hope that the difficulties that are there in Iraq and Iran can be resolved, that Iraq will see a new era of hope in which its people will enjoy a full sovereignty, and also the problem of terrorism with Iran can be resolved through dialogue, through giving diplomacy a chance. Otherwise I don't see, I think, any problems between India and the United States.
CHARLIE ROSE: No significant foreign policy differences, other than Iraq and you're prepared to help there, and in terms of...
MANMOHAN SINGH: In terms of reconstruction, we had offered, for example, to train their police, to train their civil service, train their election officials. Just as what we are doing in Afghanistan.
CHARLIE ROSE: The U.N. membership -- permanent membership on the U.N. Security Council. France was here and said we're in favor of you.
MANMOHAN SINGH: I would very much like the United States to -- I think that when the president comes here, I think that he would announce that the United States is also of the same view.
But I recognize the United States is a superpower. It has various interests. It has to balance various things. But I do believe that India's case for permanent membership of the Security Council is pretty strong.
CHARLIE ROSE: But you'll remind the president when he comes?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, this issue was raised with Secretary Rice when she came here. And if I get a chance, I will raise that again with the president.
CHARLIE ROSE: This nuclear agreement can be reached. Your national security adviser says that the relationship will go into the stratosphere, is the way he described it. I just want to make sure I understand your vision of the stratosphere in terms of how the United States and India can cooperate, certainly in terms of using India in the Middle East, as you suggested, as a sense of a voice for where there is a secular society of diverse religious and ethnic backgrounds. How else will this be manifested, this strategic relationship that's possible with the United States?
MANMOHAN SINGH: We are enlarging areas of cooperation, joint working, joint thinking, whether in cooperation in multilateral forums, regional forums, bilateral forums. I think there are enormous possibilities. And today there are no I think barriers to increased cooperation with India and the United States. But as I said, what goes on in Iraq, what goes on in Iran, it does worry a significant proportion of our population. And I hope that these issues can be resolved.
CHARLIE ROSE: Did they believe that somehow moving away from India's position of a nonaligned nation, or have you long ago moved away from that idea?
MANMOHAN SINGH: I have always regard nonalignment as a statement that India's policies, foreign policy will be guided by what I describe as enlightened national interest. That we will make judgments on an independent basis, with the sole concern being what is enlightened India's national interest. In that sense, nonalignment remains as relevant today as it was in the early 1950s.
CHARLIE ROSE: Who opposes, in your political community, this coming of the United States and India closer together?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, my own feeling is that it has a widespread support. In fact, the majority of our population wants closer involvement between India and the United States. There was a research I think team, which conducted a survey about what Indians think of Americans, and 71 percent I believe said, well, I think all the nice things about our working together with the United States. But there are people I think that are old mind-sets, who still I think remain mired in the Cold War ideology. There are I think the left parties in our coalition. They still regard the United States as a hegemonic power. But I think the new Indians of tomorrow, our young people, our businessmen, our scientists, our technologists, I think they are not, I think, held back by these old-time thinking.
CHARLIE ROSE: I've been visiting with your business leaders this week in India, and they all tell me that with respect to China, there is increasing economic relationship -- with respect to China. And that that is good, that China sees India as a market, that China has a manufacturing base, India has a service base. They all have all kinds of trade developing between India and China.
MANMOHAN SINGH: I agree too with that. I agree with that.
CHARLIE ROSE: And where does that go? What's the benefit of that?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, I think our two countries, if our trade grows, I hope that out of that will come a new attitude of coexistence. We had this unfortunate incident of 1962.
CHARLIE ROSE: The border?
MANMOHAN SINGH: At the border. If we resolve that, the limits to cooperation between India and China would not be there, think. We are both countries located in Asia. The Chinese economy is growing at the rate of 9 percent; the Indian economy growing at the rate of 8 percent -- enormous I think opportunities for two-way flow of trade, technology and investment.
CHARLIE ROSE: Is the United States' relationship with Pakistan an issue for you?
MANMOHAN SINGH: No. We want Pakistan to prosper. Pakistan should be a moderate Islamic state. That it should be a prosperous country is in India's interests, and it is in the world's interests. I sincerely hope that whatever influence the United States has in Pakistan, it will convince Pakistan that using terrorism as an instrument of state policy has no place in the world that we want to build. If Pakistan honors in letter and in spirit the commitment that it gave to Mr. Vajpayee in 2004, that Pakistan territory will not be used for promoting terrorist acts against India, the sky is the limit of cooperation between our two countries. Basically, we are the same people. There are ties of religion. There are ties of language. There are ties of culture.
CHARLIE ROSE: You were, in fact, born in what is now Pakistan.
MANMOHAN SINGH: Yes. President Musharraf was born here. I was born on the other side of the border. And my vision is to work for the relationship between India and Pakistan which would be like the relation between Canada and the United States. We want Pakistan to flourish. We want Pakistan to flourish as a moderate Islamic state. That is in India's interests. That is in the interests of the world as a whole.
CHARLIE ROSE: You mentioned your economy. You mentioned China's economy. You've been growing at a rate of 7 percent. You're the former finance minister, and people give you a lot of credit for what has taken place. They also raise this question: Is it sustainable?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, I think the proof of the pudding is in the eating. I think...
CHARLIE ROSE: To use an old American expression.
MANMOHAN SINGH: So for the last 15 years now, when we opened up the economy, I think the economy has sustained a growth rate of 6 percent. We have proved the prophets of gloom wrong. The last three or four years, our economy now is increasing at the rate of 7-plus percent. And I do believe that our growth rate in years to come will go up.
We have now a record savings rate of 29 percent of our GDP. It has gone up by 5 to 6 percent in the last five, six years. We have a record investment rate of 31 percent of our GDP.
In years to come, savings rates will go up, because we have a very young working population profile. In years to come, if we can find jobs for all these, I think they would lead to -- they would be a source of increased income. They will be a source of increased savings. I see India inching in the next five or six years to a growth rate of close to 10 percent.
CHARLIE ROSE: What has to take place in terms of liberalization and privatization for that to occur?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, I think liberalization, by and large, we are there. We are there. Our principal worry right now is the infrastructure. India's infrastructure has to be modernized, has to be expanded at a rate which will I think be consistent with the growth requirements.
We need to modernize our railway system. We need to modernize our road system, port system, airport system. We need to move towards arrangements which will ensure energy security.
And then we have to re-look at the way our government systems function. I think our government has got out of business -- many things we've got out. But still, I think there is an old (INAUDIBLE). The government considers itself as what we call the mabab (ph), the father and mother. I would like government to have greater concern as a facilitator rather than as a regulator. There, I think we have some distance to go.
We've also problems in modernizing our political system. There are several states in our union where I think the politicians are not preoccupied with the growth dynamics as I believe they should be. They're still mired in the old, the religious controversies, the cast controversies. So India's political system also would need to be modernized.
CHARLIE ROSE: Do you have the political will to make sure that happens?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, I think it is happening, though I think it could have happened at a much faster pace. But I sincerely believe that this is now an inescapable, inevitable part. Things are moving in that direction.
CHARLIE ROSE: For example, I mean, I've had conversations with business leaders about the retail segment. And some have said that's going to be a kind of tilting point, when there is modernization in the retail area that will be a clear evidence that ...
MANMOHAN SINGH: We have I think taken the first steps. This year, we have opened up the retail trade with regard to majority ownership of foreign companies, single brand areas have been opened up. There are in all these matters, there are concerns. There is such a thing as the fear of the unknown. And in a country where employment opportunities are not growing fast enough, the fear of change tends to be very acute.
I have to create in our country a macroeconomic environment were the employment in aggregate can go up at a handsome rate. Once that happens, people losing jobs in one sector will not mean that they will become perpetually unemployed. From one sector, they can move on to other sectors.
I have therefore to wait until that time when the employment situation in our country is such that jobs are increasing in such numbers that we can take risks with regard to retail.
I don't think we can do it overnight. But I do recognize that ultimately, all sectors should be open to foreign direct investment.
CHARLIE ROSE: There is a dramatic difference between foreign investment into China and into India. And people say that reducing the regulations will dramatically change that.
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, China is not I think a country which does not regulate, but there is a difference between the Chinese system and our system. The Chinese are much more I think centralized. We have three tiers of government. We have the central government. We have the state government. We have the local authorities. The central government gives approvals for certain investment, but there are certain things that the central government cannot do. If they want to get land, if they want to get water, if they want to get electricity, they have to go to the state government. If certain facilities, local facilities have to be arranged, the local authorities have to come. And that makes the Indian system slow moving, Indian administrative system slow moving.
I do believe that we have a problem here, and we must find ways and means in which I think businessmen wanting to set up enterprises here can get all the clearances in one go without too much loss of time running from one person, one sector to another, one authority to another. I think we have made substantial progress in the last 15 years, but we need to do a lot more.
CHARLIE ROSE: There is no turning back...
MANMOHAN SINGH: There is no turning back.
CHARLIE ROSE: ... from liberalization, from reform, from change?
MANMOHAN SINGH: No. Well, I think, as I said, the proof of the pudding is in the eating. When we launched this reform program in 1991, I was opposed by both the extreme left as well as the extreme right. In fact, when I in 1992 when I moved -- when I rose in parliament to present the budget of the government of India, all the opposition rose in revolt and said they want to move a breech of privilege motion against me, because what I'm doing is nothing else but carrying on the dictates of Washington and the IMF.
Now, from that day, lots of things have changed. Since then, there have been three changes of government. From 1996 to 1998, there was a united front government. The left parties were part of that. That government did not change the direction of policies that we set. Then we had a (INAUDIBLE) government from 1998. They wrote viciously against liberalization, that we were selling India to foreigners. But when they came to office, they also did not change. In fact, they expanded on what we had done.
So I think we have seen three changes of government -- right, left, center -- but the direction of economic policies has been towards progressive liberalization. There may be a difference of the pace at which India moves, but there should be no doubt whatsoever about the direction in which India is going to move in years to come. It is truly an irreversible shift in our policies.
CHARLIE ROSE: And what about, as many people say, how are you going to take care of the poor? How are you going to make sure that the agricultural population finds a way to live?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, let me say, I have always believed that the ultimate purpose of economic policies and development policy is to meet the basic needs of our people. And for that, we need a fast-expanding economy. Meaningful solutions to the problems of mass poverty that prevails in our country I believe can only be found in the framework of an expanding economy.
If the economy is not expanding, the redistribution of income becomes a zero-sum game. And therefore, all the class struggle - and it becomes much more vicious.
If the economy is growing fast, there is call for a distributing income from the rich to the poor to to put in place social safety nets. For example, we have done not this year -- we have said that in rural areas, there will be guaranteed employment 400 days in public works for whoever wants to come at minimum wages.
Now, this is not a very revolutionary program, but it will put a floor on income in rural areas. It is a program of the type which has probably few other counterparts in the rest of the world.
So our emphasis is, if the economy grows enough, fast enough, the tech system should be modernized so that the tax revenues rise fast enough also, and we should put more money in education. We should put more money in health. We should put more money in devising credible social safety nets for the poor.
CHARLIE ROSE: What is it about the Indian people that have enabled with these change in policies to have come to this moment?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, I have always believed India is a country blessed by God with enormous entrepreneurial skills. Now, this entrepreneurial spirits were kept suppressed by the command and control system that started out with well, with good intentions -- maybe it served us well in the beginning -- but after a time, it became a fetter on our progress.
I believe if we remove these fetters, the flowering of the entrepreneurial spirit of India would I think bring about a sea change in the way our economy works and functions.
And that is happening. In 1991, where was the IT industry? I think Mr. Narayan (ph), Mr. Premji (ph), they were all I think insignificant entities.
CHARLIE ROSE: Now they have giant global concerns.
MANMOHAN SINGH: With one single thing. I think (INAUDIBLE). When I became finance minister in 1991, I discovered that the wealth tax rates income -- there was taxation on wealth. It was so atrocious and so high that actually nobody could accumulate money in an honest way. I removed that tax, and the result was that Indian companies for the first time acquired an incentive to grow big, to grow rich. And you see the results of that in Bangalore. You see it happening elsewhere. So I am convinced the entrepreneurial spirit of the Indian people, if allowed to express itself freely in the marketplace, India will be all right.
CHARLIE ROSE: What is the impact of your demographics? You're very different, say, from China.
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, I think our demographics is going to help us to grow at a faster pace. Because the Chinese insistence on one child, I think the proportion of older, non-working age population is going to rise sharply in China.
Our age profile is much younger. The proportion of working population to total population will rise for another decade. And if we can find jobs for this population, that is going to be a source of wealth creation. India's saving rate will go up. India's investment rate will go up. And I believe that's a plus point.
CHARLIE ROSE: India and the United States seem to have, beyond this oldest democracy and the largest democracy, this special relationship period. You have a daughter that lives in New York. Your national security adviser has a son who lives and works in New York. Your finance minister went to Harvard Business School. There has been this tradition -- there is a large Indian population in New York. Is that going to continue? Is that a central part of this relationship?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, let me say, in the evolving global economy, the transport revolution, the IT revolution...
CHARLIE ROSE: The death of distance.
MANMOHAN SINGH: The death of distance, there is hardly any middle-class family in India who doesn't have a son, a daughter, a son-in-law, a brother, a brother-in-law in the United States. That is a very powerful new bond.
And what is more is, and I should like to express our profound gratitude to the Americans of Indian origin. The way they have conducted themselves, the way they have worked hard to carve out a niche for themselves in the Silicon Valley, I think this has also given America a new idea about what India is capable of.
Our challenge is, as I often say, is to do what the Indian Americans have done in the Silicon Valley without going there.
CHARLIE ROSE: When you look at India today, its moment, tell me what you think its destiny is.
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, India's destiny is what I described in 1991, quoting Victor Hugo. The emergence of India as a major global power is an idea whose time has come. And I would only modify it by what Javaharlal Neru said. He said, "The service of India means the service of those teeming millions steeped in poverty, ignorance and disease." To see that in my lifetime we can soften these harsh edges of extreme poverty and unleash a new economic and social revolution which will bring out the latent creativity and entrepreneurial spirit of our people, I think that's what I feel, I think.
CHARLIE ROSE: And if that's the destiny of India, what do you think your legacy is?
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, I'm a small person put in this big chair. I have to do my duty, whatever task is allotted to me. I think for me, it's enough I think -- since 1991, I have been in part of the process of ushering in the reform movement. Of course, no single person can take credit for that. I mentioned the role of Rajeev Gandhi. But I think whatever I've done, I hope I've earned a footnote in India's long and tortuous history.
CHARLIE ROSE: You certainly have. And it will be even more likely if the president comes on Wednesday and says, we have a nuclear agreement and I'm fully supportive of India's desire to have a permanent seat on the U.N. Security Council. That would be a great gift.
MANMOHAN SINGH: Well, it would be a great gift. And I pray for that moment in which I think we can claim to the world that we are now in a different, new era of Indo-American relationship of trust, of working together, partnership strengthened both by our commitment to common values, and also the identity of interests.
CHARLIE ROSE: Mr. Prime Minister, thank you for taking this time. It's been a pleasure being in your company...
MANMOHAN SINGH: Thank you, Charlie.
CHARLIE ROSE: ... and a pleasure to see you. And I look forward to many, many visits back.
MANMOHAN SINGH: Please do. It has been a great pleasure for me talking to you.
CHARLIE ROSE: We are here with the prime minister. The beginning of a remarkable visit here, where we will meet the people of India and talk about their experiences, their hopes, their dreams, their challenges. People from a variety of communities, from cultural worlds, from political worlds, from business worlds, and people all vitally interested in the world's largest democracy and what happens as it becomes a true global power.
