Thursday, October 28, 2004

The Brave New World























Monday, October 25, 2004

What's the name of your kid?

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go..."

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

VIDEO: Dave Chapell makes fun of George W Bush

6 mts 39 secs


George W doesn't hate blacks. He IS black!

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

VIDEO: Electronic Voting Machines in United States (specifically in Florida)

1 mt 08 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Some interesting questions

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

When dog food is new and better tasting, who tests it?

If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

Who copyrighted the copyright symbol?

Can you cry under water?

Why do people say, “you've been working like a dog” when dogs just sit around all day?

Do fish ever get thirsty?

Can you get cornered in a round room?

What does OK actually mean?

What came first, the fruit or the color orange?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

What should one call a male ladybird?

If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?

Can you blow a balloon up under water?

Why is it called a “building” when it has already been built?

If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it?

If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

Why is it called a TV set when there’s only one?

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can’t go that fast on any road?

Communication Gap: The case for context

Mr. Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody. "

The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from AEC (Ahmedabad Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid. "Am I speaking to Mrs. Sharma?"

"Yes. . . . . . speaking"

AEC guy, "You're a month overdue, you know! "

"How do YOU know? " stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files! " says the AEC guy .

"What are you saying? It's in your files. . . . . ! . HOW ? ? ? ? ? "

"Yes . . . . . . . . . . . . . We have a system of finding out who's overdue"

"GOD ! ! ! ! ! ! . . . . . . . . . this is too much. . . . . . . . . . "

"Madam, I am sorry. . . . . . I am following orders. . . . I have to inform you are overdue"

"I know that . . . . . . . let me talk to my husband about this tonight. . . . . he will speak to your company tomorrow "

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to AEC office the next day morning. "What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours? " the husband shouts.

"Just calm down, " says the lady at the reception at AEC, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us. "

"PAY you? and if I refuse? "

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off.

"And what would my wife do then? " the husband asks.

"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle. "

Never, never give up!

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

The Art of Communication: What's the right question?

Jeevan and Mahesh are on the way to a religious service. Jeevan wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Mahesh replies, "Why don't you ask the Pujari Ji?"

So Jeevan goes up to the Pujari Ji and asks," Pujari Ji , may I smoke while I pray?"
But the Pujari Ji says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jeevan goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Pujari Ji told him. Mahesh says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Mahesh goes up to the Pujari Ji and asks, "Pujari Ji , may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Pujari Ji eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."

Moral: The reply we get depends on the question we ask.
For example: Can I work on this project while I'm on Holidays?

[Ed: This joke is based on an actual incident involving Swami Vivekananda's guru Ramakrishna Paramhans. Ramakrishna used to chant his prayers all through the day, except when, every morning, he would go to the woods to relieve himself. As he grew old, he used to need a disciple's help in walking to the latrine.

The disciple asked, "Swamiji, why do you stop praying while you are relieving yourself?"
Ramakrishna, obviously, said, "Because it is not good to be defecating while I pray."

And the disciple said, "But swamiji, why do you pray at all other times?"
Ramakrishna replied, "Because I want the Lord's name to be on my lips when I die."

The devoted disciple reasoned, "Swamiji, death can come at any time, even when you are relieving yourself. You think defecating while you pray is bad, but it can't be bad to pray while you defecate."

Thereafter, Ramakrishna was praying every waking minute.]

Saturday, October 09, 2004

VIDEO: This Land

2 mt 30 secs


Please click the Play button above.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

The travails of single South-Indian men

"The Travails of Single South Indian men of conservative upbringing" or "Why we don't get any..."

Yet another action packed weekend in Mumbai, full of fun, frolic and introspection. I have learnt many things. For example having money when none of your friends have any is as good as not having any. And after spending much time in movie theatres, cafes and restaurants I have gathered many insights into the endless monotony that is the love life of south Indian men. What I have unearthed is most disheartening. Disheartening because comprehension of these truths will not change our status anytime soon. However there is also cause for joy. We never stood a chance anyway. What loads the dice against virile, gallant, well educated, good looking, sincere mallus and tams? (Kandus were once among us, but Bangalore has changed all that.)

Our futures are shot to hell as soon as our parents bestow upon us names that are anything but alluring. I cannot imagine a more foolproof way of making sure the child remains single till classified advertisements or that maternal uncle in San Francisco thinks otherwise. Name him "Parthasarathy Venkatachalapthy" and his inherent capability to combat celibacy is obliterated before he could even talk. He will grow to be known as Partha. Before he knows, his smart, seductively named northy classmates start calling him Paratha. No woman in their right minds will go anyway near poor Parthasarathy. His investment banking job doesn't help either. His employer loves him though. He has no personal life you see. By this time the Sanjay Singhs and Bobby Khans from his class have small businesses of their own and spend 60% of their lives in discos and pubs. The remaining 40% is spent coochicooing with leather and denim clad muses in their penthouse flats on Nepean Sea Road. Business is safely in the hands of the Mallu manager. After all with a name like Blossom Babykutty he cant use his 30000 salary anywhere. Blossom gave up on society when in school they automatically enrolled him for Cookery Classes. Along with all the girls.

Yes my dear reader, nomenclature is the first nail in a coffin of neglect and hormonal pandemonium. In a kinder world they would just name the poor southern male child and throw him off the balcony. "Yes appa we have named him Goundamani..." THUD. Life would have been less kinder to him anyway.

If all the women the Upadhyays, Kumars, Pintos and, god forbid, the Sens and Roys in the world have met were distributed amongst the Arunkumars, Vadukuts and Chandramogans we would all be merry casanovas with 3 to 4 pretty things at each arm. But alas it is not to be. Of course the south Indian women have no such issues. They have names which are like sweet poetry to the ravenous northie hormone tanks. Picture this: "Welcome, and this is my family. This is my daughter Poorni (what a sweet name!!) and my son Ponnalagusamy (er.. hello..).." Cyanide would not be fast enough for poor Samy. Nothing Samy does will help him. He can pump iron, drive fast cars and wear snazzy clothes, but against a braindead dude called Arjun Singhania he has as much chance of getting any as a Benedictine Monk in a Saharan Seminary.

Couple this with the other failures that have plagued our existence. Any attempt at spiking hair with gel fails miserably. In an hour I have a crown of greasy, smelly fibrous mush. My night ends there. However the northy just has to scream "Wakaw!!!" and you have to peel the women off him to let him breathe. In a disco while we can manage the medium hip shake with neck curls, once the Bhangra starts pumping we are as fluid as cement and gravel in a mixer. Karan Kapoor or Jatin Thapar in the low cut jeans with chaddi strap showing and see through shirt throws his elbows perfectly, the cynosure of all attention. The women love a man who digs pasta and fondue. But why do they not see the simple pleasures of curd rice and coconut chutney? When poor Senthilnathan opens his tiffin box in the office lunch room his female coworkers just dissappear when they see the tamarind rice and poppadums. The have all rematerialised around Bobby Singh who has ordered in Pizza and Garlic bread. (And they have the gall to talk of foreign origin.)

How can a man like me brought up in roomy lungis and oversized polyester shirts ever walk the walk in painted on jeans (that makes a big impression) and neon yellow rib hugging t shirts? All I can do is don my worn "comfort fit" jeans and floral shirt. Which is pretty low on the "Look at me lady" scale, just above fig leaf skirt and feather headgear a la caveman, and a mite below Khakhi Shirt over a red t shirt and baggy khakhi pants and white trainers a la Rajni in "Badsha".

Sociologically too the tam or mallu man is severely sidelined. An average tam stud stays in a house with, on average, three grandparents, three sets of uncles and aunts, and over 10 children. Not the ideal atmosphere for some intimacy and some full throated "WHOSE YOUR DADDY!!!" at the 3 in the morning. The mallu guy of course is almost always in the gulf working alone on some onshore oil rig in the desert. Rheumatic elbows me thinks.

Alas dear friends we are not just meant to set the nights on fire. We are just not built to be "The Ladies Man". The black man has hip hop, the white man has rock, the southie guy only has idlis and tomato rasam or an NRI account in South Indian Bank Ernakulam Branch. Alas as our destiny was determined in one fell swoop by our nomenclature, so will our future be. A nice arranged little love story. But the agony of course does not end there. On the first night, as the stud sits on his bed finally within touching distance and whispers his sweet desires into her delectable ear, she blushes, turns around and whispers back "But amma has said only on second saturdays..."

In one last effort here we attractive young men have taken on alter egos which may interest some of you women:

1. Gautam Kumar Raja, will now be known as Joshua Perreira
2. Sidin Sunny Vadukut, henceforth will be known as Dev Chopra
3. Ashwath Venkataraman is now Vijay Desai
4. Sudarshan Ramakrishnan no more, from now he is Barath Sharma
5. Gautam Chandrasekharan will now respond to Alyque Shah

Do mail me any time for a meeting with one of the above. One week notice if Italian or Chinese food is involved, or if the individual is expected to dance.

[Ed: This is actually an original blog entry by Sidin Vadukut http://sidin.blogspot.com/2004/05/travails-of-single-south-indian-men-of.html]

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

VIDEO: Conan O'Brien on Indian Call-centers

7 mts 49 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Conan O'Brien Late Night Show staff writer Andy Blitz traverses the seven seas to seek a cure for his computer. Hilarious!

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Evolution: Something Somewhere Went Terribly Wrong

Monday, September 20, 2004

How Geography is Taught in America


Click on the image to enlarge.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

VIDEO: We Were Humans

3 mts 10 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Lucca Co's presentation for peace.

Friday, September 17, 2004

VIDEO: The Singhsons

Thursday, September 16, 2004

This is Mumbai

Friday, September 10, 2004

Smart Asian kid in American history class

A smart Japanese child joined a new primary school when her family moved to the United States. Her first American class was on world historical events!! The
teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History:"

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had her hand up.
"Patrick Henry,1775." She said.

"Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth'"
Again, no response except from Suzuki.
"Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.

She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Japs."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Suzuki put her hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke [vomit]"
The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush [Sr.] to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Suzuki jumps out of her chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "[California Congressman] Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."

The teacher fainted.

And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're f**ked!"
Suzuki said, "Americans,... in Iraq 2004!"

Stress Release

Click here to download the stress release file.

Once downloaded, double-click on it to execute it. The computer might give you a warning, but just proceed...the computer will give a warning for any executable file...this file has no viruses.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

VIDEO: Dick Did Not

3 mts 11 secs

Friday, September 03, 2004

DOC: If Hitler Asked, Would You Kill a Stranger?

The answer may surprise you.

Click here to read

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

The Ten Commandments (of Marriage)

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3. Marriage is grand - and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

Commandment 5. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9. Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why the wife treats the husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Bonus Commandment story. A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "Wow!This stuff really works!"

[Ed: I don't know why the writer called them "commandments"...these seem more like statements]

Sunday, August 29, 2004

Ads I Love: Double A Paper

0 mts 30 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

This ad takes a rather risqué approach that is very unusual for a paper company, though the fact that the company is Dutch does, to some extent, explain it.

The setup is a copy center. A very attractive girl walks in just as a young man gets done with his work, places a reem of Double A paper on a slab and goes out. He does not, of course, leave uncharmed by the captivating lady.

Alone in the copy room, the girl finds that the copier tray does not have the paper she wants. The reems she needs to refill the copier tray are placed too high for her to reach. Thus she climbs up on the copier machine in order to get a reem of Double A paper.

In the meantime, the guy realizes that he made a mistake...copied the wrong papers? left the originals in the room? So he goes back to the copy room.

In the copy room, the hot girl has mounted the copier, and as she is reaching for the reem, she accidentally presses the copy button, and the copier starts printing photocopies of her private area.

Yes, it IS a real ad. Go to http://www.doubleapaper.nl/sites/nl/double_reclame.asp and click on "Commercials". Then, of the three images, click on the middle one.

The first commercial at the site is equally breezy, even salacious. I must say, though, that I like the last one even better. A color copier is churning out copies of toasted bread. SUPER: No Jam. VO: Double A Paper: The smoothest paper to go into, and come out of your copier.

VIDEO: Korean Laodung Noodles

0 mts 41 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Ads I Love: Mazda 2 - Way to Park

0 mts 35 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

This commercial plays on the common notion that women can't park/ have trouble parking. Even as a couple of truckers are mocking her, and declaring that "she's never gonna get in there", our protagonist demonstrates the control, maneuverability, small size and coolness of the Mazda by parking it in a very tight spot in an ingenious way.

Monday, August 16, 2004

DOC: The Importance of Being Beautiful

Being beautiful turns the world in your favor. It may be unfair, but it's true.

Click here to read

Sunday, August 15, 2004

VIDEO: Miley Sur Mera Tumhara

5 mts 47 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Finally, people, after a long and frustrating search, I have managed to procure the Doordarshan/ DAVP national integration film from yesteryears. Ladies and gentlemen, I hereby present for your viewing pleasure the real, the original Miley Sur Mera Tumhara video. Remember, you saw it here first.

And happy independence day folks!

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Ads I Love: iPod your BMW

0 mts 31 secs

A warning will appear. Click OK to allow the ActiveX control required to play this video.



Allow the controller to load above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

The first used of iPod as a verb!

Sunday, July 18, 2004

VIDEO: Tata Indica - Liar

0 mts 47 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

This is another ad that I don't necessarily love, but have put up on public demand.

When a obscenely compulsive liar praises the Indica, he realizes that he has just spoken the truth.

Saturday, July 10, 2004

Ads I Love: Corporate Meeting

0 mts 28 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

“Ah Ted. Perfect timing. You remember Annette?”
“Of course”.
A passionate kiss follows.
“And you must be Jeffries”.
Another kiss.
“Pleasure. This is Linda from accounting.”
Another kiss.
And another kiss from Annette.
“Ted. You old dog. How’s that golf game?”
The women kiss. The men kiss.
Text: “SHAKING HANDS SPREADS MORE GERMS THAN KISSING.”
“So it doesn’t really seem like a Tuesday does it.”
Science World. We can Explain.

Ads I Love: Fevicol Synthetic Adhesive







Ads I Love: Women Love Smokers

1 mt 01 sec

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

This is without a doubt one of the absolute best ads I have seen.

* SPOILER ALERT *

A hot chic is driving a cool convertible along a deserted countryside road, and a young man tries to thumb a ride. The girl ignores the hitch-request and drives by. Bored and frustrated, the guy lights up. The girl sees this in the rear-view mirror, backs the car up, and asks the guy to hop in. And then comes the super that says:
Women feel safe with men who smoke.
Smoking causes impotency.

Saturday, July 03, 2004

VIDEO: Tendulkar to Moin Khan

21 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Sachin Tendulkar bowls to Moin Khan. A performance to remember. A distant memory?

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

GAME: A Twist on the Mouse Maze



Click on the Start button above. Then...

Use arrow keys to help the mouse get to the cheese. The first round is simple. In second round, the arrow keys are changed. In the third round, the arrow keys change dynamically during the game. A case for consistent interface.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

The Meatrix










Excellent work by TheMeatrix.Com. May just turn you a vegetarian.

Friday, June 11, 2004

Ads I Love: Pepsi Outdoor

Right under the nose of the rival. The cola wars don't get any better.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

VIDEO: Vande Mataram

4 mts 51 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

This video marked the birth of the slick national-integration music-videos. This first of Bharatbala productions from 1998 does make the little hair on the back of your neck stand up. It does manage to inspire pride and patriotism. Vande mataram, countrymen.

P.S. - Vande Mataram is, of course, the national song of India. For many freedom-fighters it was a greeting, war-cry and sacred hymn. The above video is not a music video of the national song, even though it does borrow the title. The national song is as under:

Vande mataram, vande mataram, vande mataram
Vande mataram, vande mataram, vande mataram

Sujalam sufalam malyajasheetalam
Shashyashyamalam mataram

Shubra jyotsna pulkit yaminim
Phulla kusumit drumdalshobhinim
Suhasinim sumadhur bhashinim
Sikhdam vardam mataram

Kotikotikanth kalkalninand karale
Kotikotibhujairdhritkharvale
Ke bole ma tumi abley
Bahubaldharinim namamitarinim
Ripudal varinim mataram

(Mother, I bow to thee!

Rich with thy hurrying streams,
bright with orchard gleams,
Cool with thy winds of delight,
Green fields waving Mother of might,
Mother free.

Glory of moonlight dreams,
Over thy branches and lordly streams,
Clad in thy blossoming trees,
Mother, giver of ease
Laughing low and sweet!
Mother I kiss thy feet,
Speaker sweet and low!
Mother, to thee I bow.

Who hath said thou art weak in thy lands
When the sword flesh out in the seventy million hands
And seventy million voices roar
Thy dreadful name from shore to shore?
With many strengths who art mighty and stored,
To thee I call Mother and Lord!
Though who savest, arise and save!
To her I cry who ever her foeman drove
Back from plain and Sea
And shook herself free.)

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

GAME: Curve Ball



Click to serve the ball.

Move around mouse to move the paddle.

Monday, May 24, 2004

A Christmas Gift

Click here to download the stress release file.

Once downloaded, double-click on it to execute it. The computer might give you a warning, but just proceed...the computer will give a warning for any executable file...this file has no viruses.

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Bra Codes

Have you ever wondered why bras are lettered A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, H and how the letters are actually used to define bra sizes?



















A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

Send this to all women to have a laugh AND, don't forget to have a mammogram!!!!!!

Friday, May 21, 2004

All-India Jokes

Bengali Jokes

What do you call a Bengali who takes bribe?
Mr. Goosh.

An angry Bengali letter?
Chitti-chitti Bong Bong

A talkative Bengali?
Bulbul Chatterjee

An outlawed Bengali?
Kanoon Banerjee

An enlightened Bengali?
Jyoti Basu

A Bengali who works?
A work of fiction

A stupid Bengali girl?
Balika Buddhu

A Bengali marriage?
Bedding

A Bengali voyeur?
Keyhollo

A mad Bengali?
In Sen

A dark Bengali who lives in a cave?
Kalidas Guha

A Bengali mobster?
Robin Ganguli

A perfumed Bengali?
Chandan Dass

A Bengali goldsmith?
Shonar Bongla

What's bigger than the state of Bengal?
The Bay of Bengal

What s common between Bengalis and sperms?
Only 1 in a million works

When does a Bengali sound like a dog?
When he says wow(Bow)

What does a ghati call a burping Bong?
Mukhopadrya

What do you call a Bengali who doesn't eat fish?
Ahilsa

Tamil Jokes

Whats the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?
Comepalakrishnan.

How do they start a road race in Tamil Nadu?
Ready....Steady.....PO

What do you call a really colourful Tamilian?
Rangamannar Rangarajan.

How does a Tamilian introduce the tennis superstar Lendl?
ivan Lendl (Ivan = 'he' in Tamil).

What did the Tamilian call the tall building a Japanese built?
Nikumo Nikado (Will it or wont it stand?)

Maharashtrian Jokes

What is a gay Maharashtrian called?
Deccan Queen

What do you call a westernised Maharashtrian?
Western Ghat.

What do you call a Maharashtrian tailor?
Sadashiv.

Which Maharashtrians wrote the book 'Apartheid in South Africa?'
Dhaval Gore and Krishnakant Kale.

What did Bruce Lee say to the Maharashtrian?
Tumhi Marathe, Aamhi Karate.

Gujarati Jokes

Why did the Gujjus think the man who acted as Gandhi in the film was a woman?
Because his name was 'Ben' Kingsley.

Why does the Gujju go to London?
To see his Big Ben.

Why did the visitor to the Gujju home run away when he was offered tea?
Because the Gujju said he would serve snakes with it.(snacks)

What is a Gujju picnic called?
A snake in the grass

Why did the Gujju wear a Tuxedo to his vasectomy?
If he was going to become impotent, he wanted to look impotent. (important)

Why did the American get scared of the Gujju?
Because he said 'Sue kare chhe.'

Why did Bill Clinton have the Gujju beaten?
The Gujju told him, You are an impotent man.

What will a Gujju tell a tomato who is trailing in a vegetable race?
Come on, Tomato, Ketch up

What did the Gujju mean when he said, Maro dikro STATES ma gayon?
His son failed in statistics.

Maro dikro Dubai gayo?
My son drowned.

Why was the Gujju stacking up pennies on the day before exams?
He wanted to get cent-par-cent.

Why did the gujju go to Rome ?
He wanted to listen to POPE music.

What did the Gujju have in the morning?
LIGHT SNAKES for breakfast.

What did the Gujju say to the singing prostitute?
You are going from BED To VERSE.

Why won't the gujju jeweler sell anything to the UP ka bhayiya?
The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked for KESH.

Sindhi Jokes

What do you call:

A god fearing Sindhi?
Bhagwandas Godwani

A Sindhi painter?
Sadarangani

A Sindhi who falls from the 1st floor?
Thadani

A Sindhi who falls from the 10th floor?
Kriplani

A Sindhi who falls from the 25th floor?
Marjani

A communist Sindhi?
Karl Lalwani

A Sindhi chef?
Papadmull Kukreja

A Sindhi electrician?
Voltram Bijlani

A fashionable Sindhi?
Jogio Armani

A Sindhi milkman?
Gopal Dudeja

A heroic Sindhi soldier?
Hiroo Sipahimalani

A Sindhi pest control contractor?
Khatmull Marwani

A Sindhi stripper working in New York?
Barbra Jhangiani

A Sindhi casanova?
Prem Kissinchandani

A Sindhi fire-engine?
Bhambhani

A Sindhi detergent?
Neelam Rindani

A Sindhi postman?
Mailwani

A forgetful Sindhi?
Bulo Bhulchandani

A fashionable Sindhi?
Primlani

A fat Sindhi?
Hathiramani

A Sindhi fly?
Makhija

A downtrodden Sindhi?
Nichani

A corrupt Sindhi?
Chaipani

Why are a Sindhis nostrils big?
Because the air is free.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

The Motion Lab: Super Cool

Download the motion lab by clicking here.

Since this is an executable file, your computer may give a warning message like it gives for all executable files. Don't worry about that and ignore the message. This file has no virus.

Sunday, May 16, 2004

VIDEO: Hero Honda - Desh Ki Dhadkan

1 mt 02 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Close on the heels of the Bajaj's Hamara Bajaj (Our Bajaj), came Hero Honda's Desh Ki Dhadkan (the country's heartbeat) campaign. Maybe I am biased towards the bike ads, but I do like the somewhat nostalgic and general "feel good" nature of the ad.

Amazing Trees

Whoever grew them must have had a lot of patience. These trees were originally grown in Santa Cruz CA. In around 1999, the owner of Nob Hill Foods in Gilroy CA moved them to his park in Gilroy.















The parable of the butterfly

”One day, a small oppening appeared on a cocoon; a man sat and watched for the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole.

Then, it seems to stop making any progress.

It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could not go any further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly: he took a pair of scissors and opened the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily.

But it had a withered body, it was tiny and shrivelled wings.

The man continued to watch because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would open, enlarge and expand, to be able to support the butterfly’s body, and become firm.

Neither happened!

In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a withered body and shrivelled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and his goodwill did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening, were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life.

If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been. Never been able to fly.

I asked for Strength...
And God gave me difficulties to make me strong.

Iasked for Wisdom...
And God gave me Problems to solve.

I asked for prosperity...
And God gave me a Brain and Brawn to work.

I asked for Courage…..
And God gave me obstacles to overcome.

I asked for Love...
And God gave me Troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors...
And God gave me Opportunities.

“I received nothing I wanted...
But I received everything I needed."

Live life without fear, confront all obstacles and evince that you can overcome them.

Friday, May 14, 2004

Miss Pakistan Contest

Monday, May 10, 2004

Embarrassing Situations for a Lady

1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word..... he knew better.

2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

5. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean Then I realized that 3 year old Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

[Update: Received again Jul 13, 2008]

DOC: The Good Wife's Guide

Believe it or not, here's actually an excerpt from "Housekeeping Monthly": "A good wife always knows here place."

Click here to read the article

Ads I Love: Miller - Make Your Own Choice

1 mt 00 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

This ad is worth watching just for the freaky execution.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Bryan Berg and the House of Cards

Bryan is from Ames, Iowa, and is a world record holding cardstacker. Here are samples of his work:































Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Ads I Love: Bridgstone - Designed to Save Lives

0 mts 57 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

This is a classic. Words can't begin to describe this "commercial". Watch for yourself.

Monday, April 19, 2004

Weapons of Mass Construction

Nude Men and Women for Peace. Santa Cruz.