Kids' Cuteness Quotient

VIDEO: Nike Presto - The Angry Chicken/ Escape from Bird Flu

0 mts 31 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Watch the high-intensity chase for the "presto" moment. Funny commercial.

Office Office

Ads I Love: Fox Sports Español - Why Women Hate Sports

0 mts 45 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Sports are addictive. And if it is soccer, you'll need a couple of very strong non-Latino guys to pull away a Latino from his TV. That explains the stink in the house ;-)

GAME: Virtual Girlfriend

Click here to enjoy!

The world's smallest website

The world's smallest website is at http://dot16.pixeltemple.com/

Only on Planet Earth

Only in China


Only in Hawaii


Only in India


Only in Indonesia


Only in Iraq


Only in Texas


Only in Thailand


For more, check out Only in Japan.

Only in Japan

For more, check out Only on Planet Earth.

The first 9/11 divorce

India Stinking (spoof of India Shining ads)

Here's my friend's spoof of the India Shining ads.



Click on the image for a larger view.

The President's Speech to Schoolchildren at Kanchanbagh, Hyderabad

Harnessing the power of the Youth

I am happy to be here today and interact with all of you. I would like to greet the Principal, teachers and all the students who have assembled here. I always enjoy interacting with young and vibrating minds of our nation who have enormous potential of contributing constructively towards shaping a bright future and transforming India into a developed nation.

What can I do for you?

Every one of us has gone through the various phases of education from childhood to profession. A scene appears in front of me. A child, a teenager, an adult and a leader. How does each one react to a particular situation? The situation is human need. The child asks, "What can you do for me"? The teenager says, "I want to do it alone". The young person proclaims, "let us do it together". The leader offers, "What can I do for you". So, the principals have got a tremendous responsibility to transform a child into a leader - the transformation of 'what can you do for me' to 'what can I do for you'. That will demand a principal to be a visionary with an inspiring capability. Also the principal has to ensure that teachers impart learning to the children in such a way as to bring out the best in them and for this, he has to be a good teacher himself. I am sure; the best of creativity among the students will emerge by integrated influence of principals, teachers, and parents on students.

What Causes human Bliss?

Once I was addressing over one lakh youth at Kochi in Kerala. One of the students from Amrita Institute of Technology, Amritapuri asked me an interesting and thoughtful question. Her name is S. Sreebala. The question was:

Being a person of such caliber, as to have achieved more than one can dream of in a lifetime, we are going to ask you a very difficult question. Could you select one achievement of so many, that you could place at a pedestal higher than others, for the reason that it satisfies and provides contentment the most and is the most fulfilling.

My answer to the question was through a few experiences as follows:

a. Nobility in leadership

Two decades ago while I was working at ISRO, I had the best of education, which won't come from any university. I will narrate that incident. I was given a task by Prof. Satish Dhawan to develop the first satellite launch vehicle SLV-3, to put ROHINI Satellite in orbit. This was one of the largest high technology space programmes undertaken in 1973. The whole space technology community, men and women, were geared up for this task. Thousands of scientists, engineers and technicians worked resulting in the realisation of the first SLV-3 launch on 10th August 1979. SLV-3 took off in the early hours and the first stage worked beautifully. But the mission could not achieve its objectives, as the control system in 2nd stage malfunctioned. There was a press conference at Sriharikota, after the event. Prof. Dhawan took me to the press conference. And there he announced that he takes responsibility for not achieving the mission, even though I was the project director and the mission director. When we launched SLV-3 on 18th July 1980, successfully injecting the Rohini Satellite into the orbit, again there was a press conference and Prof. Dhawan put me in the front to share the success story with the press. What we learn from this event is that the leader gives the credit for success to those who worked for it, and he absorbs the failures. This is the leadership. The scientific community in India has the fortune to work with such leaders, which resulted in many accomplishments. This success generated great happiness among all my team members.

b. Pokhran incident

On 11th May 1998 the then Chairman, Atomic Energy Commission Dr R Chidambaram and myself and some of our team members were working for the results of the underground nuclear test followed by another two. We were very close to the test site and the countdown was progressing. At T-5 seconds, hundreds of parameters from instrumentation were displayed. The mission was to take place in a few seconds. At T-0, we witnessed the whole earth shrugged and thundered in front of us and all around. We saw part of the earth raising. What a powerful energy India generated through nuclear weapons?. This was another achievement which made me and my team happy.

c. Agni launch

The third event is about a missile system. On 11th April 1999, the AGNI-II took off with computer command from the beautiful island range. 600 parameters from the missile were monitored in real time through a series of radars, telemetry stations and ship borne instrumentations networked with our own communication satellites. The AGNI with its payload reached the pre-determined target, 2000 kms away. The partnership of many labs with academic institutions and industries brought this important success and it is another triumph for self reliance, amidst several technology denials by developed countries. This event also made me happy.

d. India 2020 - A Vision document

I was the Chairman of the TIFAC (Technology Information, Forecasting and Assessment Council) for nearly a decade. The council evolved with the help of experts a road map on how to transform India into a developed country by 2020. Nearly twenty volumes of documents were generated and presented at that time to the then Prime Minister in 1996. There was certain experimental work with certain funding allotted for the project. This funding was utilized to see how productivity per hectare in Bihar can be multiplied, milk production in Punjab can be enhanced and the sugarcane quality and production can improve through various missions. All these activities arising out of India's millennium mission 2020, generated keen interest in the country. On 15 Aug 2002, our Prime Minister announced that India will become a developed nation by 2020. This also gave me tremendous amount of happiness.

e. Joy of removing the pain

The next important event I would like to share with you is about the fitment of FRO (Floor Reaction Orthosis) caliper to a polio affected child. During my visit to one of the hospitals in Hyderabad, I found many children were struggling to walk with an artificial limb weighing over 3 kgs. At the request of Prof. Prasad of NIMS, Head of Orthopedic department at that time, I asked my AGNI friends why cannot we use the composite material used for AGNI heat shield for fabricating FROs for polio affected patients? They immediately said it is possible. We worked on this project for sometime and came up with a FRO, weighing around 300 gms in place of 3 kg. Exactly, 1/10th of the weight which the child was carrying. The doctors helped us to fit the new light weight FRO on the child and the child started walking and running around. Her parents were also present. Tears of happiness rolled down on them through the joy of seeing their daughter running with light weight caliper. With the light weight device provided by the hospital she could run, ride a bicycle and do all sorts of things which she had been denied for a long time. The removal of the pain and the freedom attained by the child gave me a state of bliss which I never experienced during any of the four major events which I described earlier.

When Can I sing the SONG OF INDIA?

Some of my friends had launched a web site in my name called www.abdulkalam.com. I normally exchange views particularly with the young within the country and abroad. I had put forth two points in the web site for the young to share their thoughts. The first point I had put forth was, "India is a developing country for more than half a century. What you will do to make it Developed India?". The second one was, "When can I sing a song of India?". There is a connectivity. There were more than 100 responses. I thought of sharing with you four important suggestions that I received.

One student from Meghalaya had responded, "I will become a teacher (rather a Professor of Engineering) since I am good in, as well as enjoy teaching. Since I believe that one of the best ways in which to serve any nation is to be either a Professor or a soldier among many other professions". What a noble thought. Only from beautiful places like Meghalaya such beautiful thoughts can arise. Another young girl from Kerala says, "Single flower makes no garland. I will make my countrymen to love the nation and work for garland, that is developed India". A twenty-year-old boy from Goa has responded, "I would become an electron and like an electron in the orbit, I will work ceaselessly for my country now onwards. With reference to the second point, which I had, put forth, a young man from Atlanta says, "when India builds the capability to put sanction against any country, if needed, then I will sing a song of India". What the young man meant was: Economic strength brings prosperity accompanied with national strength. Like that there are many responses.

Role model by parents

Yesterday I received a mail from one of the parents who said that he had trained his son not tell a lie under any circumstances. Recently the father was writing a letter to his principal asking for leave of absence. There the reason given was since the boy was indisposed; he wanted permission to be absent. When the father started writing this, the son immediately asked father "you have always been telling me not to tell a lie, how is it you are giving a wrong reason for the absence". This is the power of teaching the children at a young age to be honest. Honesty comes out of righteousness. Once taught, they become conscious keepers.

Now, I would like to administer an oath for attaining enlightened citizenship.

Ten point oath

1. I will love whatever profession I take up and I will try to excel in it.
2. From now onwards I will teach at least 10 persons to read and write those who cannot read and write.
3. I will plant ten saplings/trees and ensure their growth.
4. I will go to rural and urban areas to reform at least five persons from the habits of addiction and gambling.
5. I will take responsibility for removing the pain of ailing persons.
6. I will participate in the mission of realizing the economic strength of India by combining it with an education with value system and by transforming religion into a spiritual force.
7. I will not support any differentiation on account of community or language.
8. I will lead an honest life free from all corruption and will set an example for others to adopt a transparent way of life.
9. I will always be a friend of the mentally and physically challenged and I will work hard to make them feel normal.
10. I will celebrate the success of my country and my people.

I wish you all success in your missions.

VIDEO: MadTV presents Terminator 3

4 mts 15 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Only in America: Life in the Times of George W Bush (2003)

"I want to remind you all that in order to fight and win the war, it requires an expenditure of money that is commiserate with keeping a promise to our troops to make sure that they're well-paid, well-trained, well-equipped."
Washington, D.C., Dec. 15, 2003

"See, without the tax relief package, there would have been a deficit, but there wouldn't have been the commiserate — not 'commiserate' — the kick to our economy that occurred as a result of the tax relief."
Washington, D.C., Dec. 15, 2003

"[T]he Iraqis need to be very much involved. They were the people that was brutalized by this man."
Washington, D.C., Dec. 15, 2003

"[T]he best way to find these terrorists who hide in holes is to get people coming forth to describe the location of the hole, is to give clues and data."
Washington, D.C., Dec. 15, 2003

"Justice was being delivered to a man who defied that gift from the Almighty to the people of Iraq."
Washington, D.C., Dec. 15, 2003

"This very week in 1989, there were protests in East Berlin and in Leipzig. By the end of that year, every communist dictatorship in Central America had collapsed."
Washington, D.C., Nov. 6, 2003

"America stands for liberty, for the pursuit of happiness, and for the unalienalienable right of life."
Washington, D.C., Nov. 3, 2003

"[A]s you know, these are open forums, you're able to come and listen to what I have to say."
Washington, D.C., Oct. 28, 2003

"The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the — the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice."
Washington, D.C., Oct. 27, 2003

"[W]hether they be Christian, Jew, or Muslim, or Hindu, people have heard the universal call to love a neighbor just like they'd like to be called themselves."
Washington, D.C., October 8, 2003

"See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction."
Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003

"Washington is a town where there's all kinds of allegations. You've heard much of the allegations. And if people have got solid information, please come forward with it. And that would be people inside the information who are the so-called anonymous sources, or people outside the information — outside the administration."
Chicago, Sept. 30, 2003

"[W]e've had leaks out of the administrative branch, had leaks out of the legislative branch, and out of the executive branch and the legislative branch, and I've spoken out consistently against them, and I want to know who the leakers are."
Chicago, Sept. 30, 2003

"I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves."
Washington, D.C., Sept. 21, 2003

"I'm so pleased to be able to say hello to Bill Scranton. He's one of the great Pennsylvania political families."
Drexel Hill, Penn., Sept. 15, 2003

"We had a chance to visit with Teresa Nelson who's a parent, and a mom or a dad."
Jacksonville, Florida, Sept. 9, 2003

"As Luce reminded me, he said, without data, without facts, without information, the discussions about public education mean that a person is just another opinion."
Jacksonville, Florida, Sept. 9, 2003

"I'm a follower of American politics."
Crawford, Texas, Aug. 8, 2003

"[T]hat's just the nature of democracy. Sometimes pure politics enters into the rhetoric."
Crawford, Texas, Aug. 8, 2003

"We had a good Cabinet meeting, talked about a lot of issues. Secretary of State and Defense brought us up to date about our desires to spread freedom and peace around the world."
Washington, D.C., Aug. 1, 2003

"And the other lesson is that there are people who can't stand what America stands for, and desire to conflict great harm on the American people."
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, July 28, 2003

"Security is the essential roadblock to achieving the road map to peace."
Washington, D.C., July 25, 2003

"Our country puts $1 billion a year up to help feed the hungry. And we're by far the most generous nation in the world when it comes to that, and I'm proud to report that. This isn't a contest of who's the most generous. I'm just telling you as an aside. We're generous. We shouldn't be bragging about it. But we are. We're very generous."
Washington, D.C., July 16, 2003

"It's very interesting when you think about it, the slaves who left here to go to America, because of their steadfast and their religion and their belief in freedom, helped change America."
Dakar, Senegal, July 8, 2003

"You've also got to measure in order to begin to effect change that's just more — when there's more than talk, there's just actual — a paradigm shift."
Washington, D.C., July 1, 2003

"I urge the leaders in Europe and around the world to take swift, decisive action against terror groups such as Hamas, to cut off their funding, and to support — cut funding and support, as the United States has done."
Washington, D.C., June 25, 2003

"Iran would be dangerous if they have a nuclear weapon."
Washington, D.C., June 18, 2003

"Now, there are some who would like to rewrite history—revisionist historians is what I like to call them."
Elizabeth, N.J., June 16, 2003

"I am determined to keep the process on the road to peace."
Washington, D.C., June 10, 2003

"We are making steadfast progress."
Washington, D.C., June 9, 2003

"I'm the master of low expectations."
aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003

"I'm also not very analytical. You know I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things."
aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003

"I recently met with the finance minister of the Palestinian Authority, was very impressed by his grasp of finances."
Washington, D.C., May 29, 2003

"Oftentimes, we live in a processed world — you know, people focus on the process and not results."
Washington, D.C., May 29, 2003

"I've got very good relations with President Mubarak and Crown Prince Abdallah and the King of Jordan, Gulf Coast countries."
Washington, D.C., May 29, 2003

"All up and down the different aspects of our society, we had meaningful discussions. Not only in the Cabinet Room, but prior to this and after this day, our secretaries, respective secretaries, will continue to interact to create the conditions necessary for prosperity to reign."
Washington, D.C., May 19, 2003

"First, let me make it very clear, poor people aren't necessarily killers. Just because you happen to be not rich doesn't mean you're willing to kill."
Washington, D.C., May 19, 2003

"We've had a great weekend here in the Land of the Enchanted."
Albuquerque, N.M., May 12, 2003 (New Mexico's state nickname is "Land of Enchantment")

"I think war is a dangerous place."
Washington, D.C., May 7, 2003

"We ended the rule of one of history's worst tyrants, and in so doing, we not only freed the American people, we made our own people more secure."
Crawford, Texas, May 3, 2003

"We've got hundreds of sites to exploit, looking for the chemical and biological weapons that we know Saddam Hussein had prior to our entrance into Iraq."
Santa Clara, Calif., May 2, 2003

"I don't bring God into my life to — to, you know, kind of be a political person."
interview with Tom Brokaw aboard Air Force One, April 24, 2003

"You're free. And freedom is beautiful. And, you know, it'll take time to restore chaos and order — order out of chaos. But we will."
Washington, D.C., April 13, 2003

"Perhaps one way will be, if we use military force, in the post-Saddam Iraq the U.N. will definitely need to have a role. And that way it can begin to get its legs, legs of responsibility back."
the Azores, Portugal, March 16, 2003

"[The Space Shuttle] Columbia carried in its payroll classroom experiments from some of our students in America."
Bethesda, Md., Feb. 3, 2003

"And, most importantly, Alma Powell, secretary of Colin Powell, is with us."
Washington, D.C., Jan. 30, 2003

"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself."
Grand Rapids, Mich., Jan. 29, 2003

"The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa."
State of the Union Address, Jan. 28, 2003, making a claim that administration officials knew at the time to be false

"When Iraq is liberated, you will be treated, tried and persecuted as a war criminal."
Washington, D.C., Jan. 22, 2003

"One year ago today, the time for excuse-making has come to an end."
Washington, D.C., Jan. 8, 2003

VIDEO: One Year of Base Jumping

9 mts 54 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

One year in the life of a base jumper.

A very happy new year to you!

The Eye of God

The Helix Nebula as viewed by NASA's Hubble Space Telescope and the Kitt Peak National Observatory in Arizona. The Helix Nebula is described by astronomers as "a trillion-mile-long tunnel of glowing gases." At its center is dying, Sun-like star which has ejected masses of dust and gas to form tentacle-like filaments stretching toward an outer rim composed of the same material. The Sun itself may look like this in several billion years.

The photo was featured on NASA's Website as an Astronomy Picture of the Day in May.

Ads I Love: Cafe Pilao - Really Strong Coffee

This one really makes use of the online advertising medium. However much milk you might add, the coffee is so strong that it does not lighten. Cheers!

VIDEO: Matrix Pingpong

1 mt 43 secs

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Here's pingpong, Matrix style - freeze motion, flights, slow motion...the whole deal.

The heat of the World Cup

Ads I Love: Nike - Invent Your Own Training

0 mts 30 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

A young athlete is stretching, getting ready for his workout; the strange thing is, he is on a public sidewalk. And then, as a nice girl passes by with her hunky boyfriend, our skinny friend grabs hold of her and kisses her. Infuriated, the girl's boyfriend runs after the protagonist. SUPER: Invent Your Own Training.

VIDEO: Blue Film

0 mts 17 secs

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An ABCD Diwali

A young second generation Indian in the US was asked by his mother to explain the significance of "Diwali" to his younger brother, this is how he went about it...

"So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him.

But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know...so that they could all chill out together. But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man... they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked ass with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine.

But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed... And you don't piss this son-of-a-gun cuz, he just kicks ass and like... all the gods were with him... So anyways,you don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.. Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok... ..

so, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood. Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest..and anyways...it gets kinda boring,you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So,they decided to hitch a ride back home... and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also...

so it was pretty cooool... you know with all those fireworks... Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks... and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started."

VIDEO: Pie in Bill Gates' face

0 mts 09 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

On February 4th, 1998, Bill Gates was hit with a cream pie in Brussels. The offender, a Belgian guy, got away. Two helpers, a French woman and a Belgian student were held in custody for a while by the Belgian police.

Noël Godin, the man behind this, has made it a sport to throw cream cakes in celebrities' faces. "The attack against Bill Gates is symbolic, it's against hierarchical power itself.", Noël said in an interview.

Company

Can one imagine working for the following company?

It has a little over 500 employees with the following statistics :

29 have been accused of spouse abuse.
7 have been arrested for fraud.
19 have more than three criminal cases pending against them .
117 have been charged and are being investigated for Murder, Rape, Assault, Extortion and Robbery.
71 cannot get credit or loans due to bad credit histories.
21 are current defendants on various lawsuits.
84 have been involved in offenses and have paid fines.
Can you guess what mighty Organization this is?

It is the 545 members of the Lower House (Lok Sabha, akin to House of Commons in the UK or the Congress in the US) of Parliament of India that works for you and me. The same group cranks out hundreds upon hundred of laws designed to keep the rest of us in line…...

Random Jokes

"The New Hearing Aid"

An elderly gentleman with serious hearing problems goes to the doctor who fits him with hearing aids that allow him to hear at 100% for the first time in many years.

The elderly man goes back in a month for a checkup. The doctor says, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman replies, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

***************

"Latitude and Longitude"

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."

***************

"The Fastest Father"

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.

The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can shoot an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".

The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!"

*****************

"Husbands and Wives"

At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to comment on my first attemp t at homemade cinnamon rolls. After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?"

Without looking up from his paper my husband replied, "About 10 years."

*****************

A woman walks in a store to return a pair of eyeglasses that she had purchased for her husband a week before.

"What seems to be the problem, madam?"

"I'm returning these glasses I bought for my husband. He's still not seeing things my way."

********************

"I Know The Truth"

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by simply saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman immediately drops his mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your father a big hug."

Ads I Love: TAG Heuer - Tiger Woods

1 mt 00 secs


TAG Heuer - What are you made of? Tiger's golf ball races an F1. This ad, you have to see to understand!

VIDEO: Waterboy - We Will Rock You

2 mts 29 secs

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Click on the image above when it becomes available.

This video will rock you :-)

Rightsizing

Dear Colleagues,

Due to current financial position, economic recession and probable future mergers, the management has decided to implement a scheme to put all employees over 35 years of age on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnel Early). Personnel selected for RAPE can apply to the management for the SHAFT (Special Help After Forced Termination) scheme. The situation of the employees who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW (Scheme for Retired Early Workers) scheme. An employee may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice but may be SCREWED as many times as the management deems appropriate.

Employees who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants and Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earning for Retiring Personnel Early Severance). Obviously employees who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED by the Management. Any other Employee on SHAFT or SCREW will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.

The management has always prided itself in the amount of SHIT it gives to its employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring it to the notice of your Manager. We have been trained to give you all the SHIT that you can handle.

Thanks & Regards



HR Team

VIDEO: When Boss is Not in Office

0 mts 16 secs

Techiewood Movie Titles

There has been some talk of some IT companies getting into film production. Some titles they may use:
a.. Hang To Hona Hi Tha !!!!!!!!!!!!
b.. Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai
c.. Aao Chat Kare
d.. Programmer No.1
e.. Mera Naam Developer
f.. Java Wale Job Le Jayenge
g.. Hum Apke Memory Mein Rehte Hein
h.. Do Processor, Baarah Terminal
i.. Tera Code Chal Gaya
j.. Har Din Jo Mail Karega
k.. Network Ke Us Paar
l.. Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
m.. Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehta Hai
n.. Raju Ban Gaya MCSE ..!
o.. Client Ek Numbari, Programmer Dus Numbari
p.. Login Karo Sajana
q.. Naukar PC Ka
r.. 1942 -- A Bug Story
s.. Kaho Na Virus Hai
t.. Crash Se Crash Tak
u.. Haan Maine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai
v.. Shaheed Hacker Singh
w.. Password De Ke Dekho
x.. Terminal Apna , Login Parayi
y.. Mr. Network Lal
z.. Terminal Sajaake Rakhna
aa.. Hackers Ka Raja, Debuggers Ki Rani
ab.. Kyonki Mein Debug Nahin Karta
ac.. Phir Teri Java-script Yaad Aayi

Beautiful Sydney in 180-degrees ultra wide-angle

Click on the image to enlarge.

Salaried People

Some basic facts of life for the Salaried People!!!!

Bank Balance
First Week : 10000
Second Week : 1000
Third Week : 100
Fourth week : 10

Conveyance
First Week : Auto ("I can afford it")
Second Week : Share Auto ("I would like to share. I am selfless!")
Third Week : Bus ("Public figures should travel by public transport")
Fourth week : Walk ("Good for health")

Girl friends
First Week : Eena, Meena, Tina ("I can BUY love")
Second Week : Meena, Tina ("I have enough girl friends")
Third Week : Tina ("I am loyal to her")
Fourth week : "Huh! There is no pure love on earth!"

Mobile Maintenance
First Week : Frequent outgoing calls ("This is what mobile is invented for")
Second Week : Restricted outgoing calls ("I should not create unnecessary traffic on mobile lines")
Third Week : Rare outgoing calls ("Mobile should be used in urgent situations only")
Fourth week : Only incoming calls ("I am not going to call her until she calls me")

And last....but not the least...

Boozing
First Week : "Come, let's go to Goa and freak out!"
Second Week : "Man, there is nothing in Goa. Let's go to Lonawala."
Third Week : "The best place to booze on earth is our house itself. What say?"
Fourth week : "Drinking is injurious to health"

DOC: Strategies for a Sustainable World

Beyond greening, beyond pollution control - how to ensure sustainable development.

Click here to read

Ads I Love: Amul Movies - Utterly Butterly Delicious

Amul comes out with a new ad every fortnight in a campaign that has been running successfully for YEARS!!

Biwi No. 1


Boom


Dil Chahta Hai


Gladiator


Harbhajan Singh


Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham


Kaho Naa Pyaar Hai/ Hrithik Roshan


Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani


Bhoot

Ads I Love: Airtel - A R Rahman

1 mts 01 sec

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

No, I don't really love this ad. But some of my friends requested it, and I am putting it up for them.

The Truth About Women & Driving

Psychic Computer Tells What's on Your Mind

There are many psychic websites that are able to tell what you are thinking. Here's one example (this one from CBS)...just follow the instructions.


Impressed yet?

* SPOILER ALERT *

Here's how they do it: The fact is that whichever number you choose, the answer will always be 9 or a multiple thereof. Thus all multiples of 9 have the same symbol as 9. The software does not "read" your mind; it just shows you the 9 symbol. To make the effect more believable, the 9 symbol changes each time you hit "Try Again"

Success - It's a Mind Game

Ads I Love: Honda Accord - Isn't It Nice When Things Just Work

2 mts 00 secs


This is incredible. No SFX (special effects), no CG (computer graphics) involved. Everything actually happens. And, it works. Isn't it nice when things just work?

Ads I Love: The Axe Effect

Industrious Clock

Yugo Nakamura's industrious clock

Any better, and I'd be twins

Jerry is a restaurant manager in America. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jobs, so they could follow him around from restaurant to restaurant.The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude.

He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was always there, telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! No one can be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" Jerry replied,

"Each morning I wake up and say to myself, I have two choices today. I can choose to be in a good mood or I can choose to be in a bad mood. I always choose to be in a good mood.

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I always choose to learn from it.

Everytime someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I always choose the positive side of life."

"But it's not always that easy," I protested. "Yes, it is," Jerry said "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. It's your choice how you live your life."

Several years later, I heard that Jerry accidentally did something you are never supposed to do in the restaurant business: left the back door of his restaurant open one morning and was robbed by three armed men.While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found quickly and rushed to the hospital. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Want to see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, after they shot me, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared?" I asked. Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great.They kept telling me. I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the Emergency Room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'He's a dead man.' I knew I need to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked. "Well, there was a big nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything."

'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Please operate on me as if I am alive, not dead'."

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day you have the choice to either enjoy your life or to hate it. The only thing that is truly yours that no one can control or take from you-is your attitude, so if you can take care of that, everything else in life becomes much easier.

Ads I Love: British Council English Learning Programme

The irony, of course, is that you need to know English to get that ad :-)

Ads I Love: Fevikwik - Fishing

0 mts 41 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Oh, what an ad! A gentleman is fishing in the country, when a village lad comes along humming a tune. Naturally, the gent shushes him, as all that noise can drive the fish away. Snubbed, but not despirited, the country guy walks to the river bank to fish in his own style. He places a few drops of Fevikwik on a stick and submerges in water. And lo and behold, fish get stuck to the stick in no time flat! That's the stength and quick-sticking power of Fevikwik. Superb ad! Transcends language and cultural boundaries.

VIDEO: CBS 60 Minutes segment on the IITs

13 mts 22 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

CBS segment "Imported from India" on IITs calls them "the most important university you have never heard about."

An eyeful a day keeps the doctor away

VIDEO: Dhara - Daughters-in-Law

0 mts 42 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

This is not a spectacular ad by any stretch of imagination. But it has an endearing quality, and an all-India appeal. More importantly, in my opinion it conveys the message effectively and efficiently.

VIDEO: LML Freedom

0 mts 34 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Hmm...seems like all motorcycle ads these days are using the same formula: soft songs and feel good images. What the heck, I still do like them. Here's the one for LML Freedom.

The song goes:

Manzil se kehdo,
meri raah na dekhen.
Main na rukoonga,
Main aazaad hoon.

(Tell the landing
Not to wait for me
I will not stop
(because) I am free)

VIDEO: Monday vs Friday

0 mts 44 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Penguins' impression of you on Monday vs you on Friday.

Sick and tired of your PC? Give it hell!

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Beat up your PC to your heart's content.

VIDEO: Steffi (Graf), will you marry me?

12 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

She's exhausted and completely drained, but manages to find humor in this somewhat embarrassing situation. Steffi, you really are the best.

The Perfect Husband

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club after a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

(H - Husband, W - Wife)

H - "Hello?"

W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
H - "Yes."

W -"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

H -"What's the price?"
W - "Only $1,000."

H - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."

W - "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2003 models. I saw one I really liked. Its a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price . Since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year, how about I buy this?"

H - "What price did he quote you?"
W - "Only $65,000."

H - "OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options."
W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else..."

H -"What?"
W - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real-estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beach front property."

H - "For how much are they asking?"
W - "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover."

H - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid it down to $420,000. OK?"
W - "OK,sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

H - "Bye...I love you too..."

The man hangs up & closes the phone's flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision. The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks "Does anyone know to whom this cellphone belongs?"

Only in America: Politicians of America

These are REAL quotes!!

I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job
(George Bush, during his Presidential campaign)

This is a great day for France!
(Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral)

For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex ... uh... setbacks.
(George Bush)

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change.
(Dan Quayle)

I am honored today to begin my first term as the Governor of Baltimore - that is Maryland.
(William Donald Schaefer, first inaugural address)

The caribou love it. They rub against it and they have babies. There are more caribou in Alaska than you can shake a stick at.
(George Bush, on the Alaska pipeline)

If I listened to Michael Dukakis long enough I would be convinced that we're in an economic downturn and people are homeless and going without food and medical attention and that we've got to do something about the unemployed.
(Ronald Reagan)

My fellow Americans, I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes.
(Ronald Reagan, about to go on the air for a radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on)

Now we are trying to get unemployment to go up and I think we're going to succeed.
(Ronald Reagan)

Walter Mondale: George Bush doesn't have the manhood to apologize.
Bush: Well, on the manhood thing, I'll put mine up against his any time.