Saturday, October 11, 2008

Osama bin Laden's Plan to Bankrupt America Going Pretty Well These Days

Osama bin Laden -- terrorist, wedding poet and all-around jerkoff -- has announced his plans for destroying America through economic strangulation.

Well, he released it four years ago, just a few days before the 2004 presidential elections. How do you think that's working out for him?

"We are continuing this policy in bleeding America to the point of bankruptcy.
Allah willing, and nothing is too great for Allah," bin Laden said in the

One thing you gotta admit about this guy: He can go fuck himself, but, ya know, he does get stuff done.

He said the mujahedeen fighters did the same thing to the Soviet Union in
Afghanistan in the 1980s, "using guerrilla warfare and the war of attrition to
fight tyrannical superpowers."

Which is exactly why we need to stay in Iraq until we do something that can possibly be defined as "winning." Even if we have to bleed ourselves to the point of bankruptcy fighting the insurgents' guerrilla warfare in this war of attrition. So that this asshole bin Laden doesn't win. How do you not understand this, people?!

Of course, there was no way that bin Laden's conveniently well-timed taunting videotape was in any way intended to sway the election in accordance with idiot voters' basest instincts. Because, why would he possibly want another four years of tough-fighting Republican rule in the U.S.?

He also said al Qaeda has found it "easy for us to provoke and bait this

"All that we have to do is to send two mujahedeen to
the furthest point east to raise a piece of cloth on which is written al Qaeda,
in order to make generals race there to cause America to suffer human, economic
and political losses without their achieving anything of note other than some
benefits for their private corporations," bin Laden said.

How much you wanna bet that, sometime in the next two weeks, new footage suddenly emerges of bin Laden wearing a Hope t-shirt? (Don't take that bet.)

I can't wait for November 5th -- after John McCain has been elected president -- when McCain can finally release his super secret Osama bin Laden and Muhajadeen Spectacular Wondrifical Killing Machine and send it to the Gates of Hell so that we can get rid of bin Laden once and for all and start focusing on the real problems America faces today: '60s radical community organizers and people who think gay people should be allowed to get married.

I just hope it doesn't run on gas.

'Cause then we're fucked.

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