A few knock, knock jokes

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Alaska who?"
"Alaska one more time, then jokes start over."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Orange"
"Orange who?
"Orange you glad you asked?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Howie"
"Howie who?
"Howie going to figure this out?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Champ"
"Champ who?
"Champ poo your hair, it's dirty."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Boo"
"Boo who?"
"Don't cry about it."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Les"
"Les who?
"Les hear another knock knock joke."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Atch"
"Atch who?"
"That's a bad sneeze you got there."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Shelby"
"Shelby who?
"Shelby commin' round the mountain when she comes.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Vera"
"Vera who?
"Vera few people think these jokes are funny."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Andy"
"Andy who?"
"And he bit me again!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Amos"
"Amos who?"
"A mosquito bit me."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Radio"
"Radio who?
"Radio not, here I come!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Llama"
"Llama who?
"Llama yankee doodle dandy."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Ammonia"
"Ammonia who?
"Ammonia trying to be funny."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Mary Lee"
"Mary Lee who?
"Mary Lee, Mary Lee, life is but a dream. Row, Row...."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Statue"
"Statue who?
"Statue that laughed a minute ago?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Anna"
"Anna who?
"Anna body know some more jokes?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Tarzan"
"Tarzan who?
"Tarzan stripes forever."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Albie"
"Albie who?
"Albie darn, a funny joke!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Wendy"
"Wendy who?
"Wendy last time you took a bath?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Canoe"
"Canoe who?
"Canoe tell me some knock knock jokes?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Howard"
"Howard who?
"Howard was the math test today?"
]
Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Sarah"
"Sarah who?
"Sarah reason you're not laughing?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Cargo"
"Cargo who?
"Cargo beep beep, varoom."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Winnie"
"Winnie who?
"Winnie is good, he is very very good."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Althea"
"Althea who?"
"Althea later, Alligator!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Noah"
"Noah who?
"Noah good place to find more jokes?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Frasier"
"Frasier who?
"Frasier joke isn't very funny?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Little old lady"
"Little old lady who?"
"Where did you learn to yodel?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Amanda"
"Amanda who?
"Amanda fix the refrigerator is here."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Waiter"
"Waiter who?"
"Wait, her dress is unbuttoned."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Dismay"
"Dismay who?
"Dismay not be a funny joke."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Sam and Janet"
"Sam and Janet who?
"Sam and Janet evening, you will meet a stranger...."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Mister"
"Mister who?"
"Sorry I mister name, what is it again?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Alison"
"Alison who?
"Alison to you after you listen to me."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Isabel"
"Isabel who?
"Isabel out of order? I had to knock."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Olive"
"Olive who?
"Olive right next door to you."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Wade"
"Wade who?
"Wade down upon the Swanee River."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Dawn"
"Dawn who?
"Dawn by the station, early in the morning."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Luke"
"Luke who?
"Luke out! Here's another knock knock joke."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Owl"
"Owl who?
"Owl tell you another knock knock joke."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Police"
"Police who?
"Police tell me some knock knock jokes."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Heaven"
"Heaven who?
"Heaven you heard enough knock knock jokes?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Ken"
"Ken who?
"Ken you tell me some good knock knock jokes?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Fanny"
"Fanny who?"
"These jokes aren't very fanny."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Celeste"
"Celeste who?
"Celeste time I'm telling you, open up."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Will"
"Will who?
"Will you let me in, its cold out here."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Max"
"Max who?
"Max no difference to you, just let me in."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Beef"
"Beef who?"
"Beefor I get mad you better let me in."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Harry"
"Harry who?
"Harry up and answer the door."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Doris"
"Doris who?"
"The Doris locked, that's why I'm knocking.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Lettuce"
"Lettuce who?"
"Let us in, we're freezing!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Freeze!"
"Freeze who?
"Freeze a jolly good fellow, for he's..."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Snow"
"Snow who?"
"Snowbody but me!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Stan"
"Stan who?"
"Stand back, I think I'm going to sneeze!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Olive"
"Olive who?
"Olive you, darling!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Dwayne"
"Dwayne who?
"Dwayne the bathtub, I'm dwowning!"
Knock Knock

Who's there?
"Avenue"
"Avenue who?
"Avenue heard this joke before?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Ivan"
"Ivan who?
"Ivan workin on the railroad..."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Italian"
"Italian who?
"Italian you for the last time, open up!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Samoa"
"Samoa who?
"Samoa these bad jokes and I'm gone!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Goliath"
"Goliath who?
"Goliath down, you looketh tired."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Keith"
"Keith who?
"Keith me, thweet heart!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Arthur"
"Arthur who?
"Arthur more jokes here?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Butter"
"Butter who?"
"Butter up, I'm throwing a fast ball."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Candy"
"Candy who?"
"Can Dee come out and play?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Ashley"
"Ashley who?
"Ashley (actually!), I don't know."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Adolph"
"Adolph who?
"Adolph ball hit me in de mowf."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Midas"
"Midas who?
"Midas well let me in."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Butter"
"Butter who?"
"I butter not tell you."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Alltell"
"Alltell who?
"Alltell mom if you don't let me in."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Sadie"
"Sadie who?
"Sadie magic words and I'll tell you."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Canary"
"Canary who?"
"Can Ari come out and play?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Dozen Olgo"
"Dozen Olgo who?"
"yes, an owl goes whoo."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Wayne"
"Wayne who?
"Wayne, Wayne, go away, come again another day"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Atunna"
"Atunna who?"
"A ton a trouble if you don't let me in."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Irish"
"Irish who?
"Irish you would let me in."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Nunya"
"Nunya who?
"Nunya business."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Jamaica"
"Jamaica who?
"Jamaica good grade on the test?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Cowsgo"
"Cowsgo who?"
"No they don't! Cows go moo."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Butcher"
"Butcher who?
"Butcher arms around me."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Panther"
"Panther who?
"Panther no panths, I'm going thwimming!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Ewe"
"Ewe who?"
"Who? Me? What do you want?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Frigate
"Frigate who?"
"awe forget about it you would not understand."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Lucy"
"Lucy who?
"Lucy Lastic lets your pants fall down."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Patty O."
"Patty O. who?"
"Patty O'furniture"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Iam"
"Iam who?"
"Sorry, I don't know who you are."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Yaw"
"Yaw who?"
"Why are you so excited?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Holden who?"
"Hold on, I'll go see."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Justin"
"Justin who?
"Justin time for dinner!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Bugspray"
"Bugspray who?"
"Bugs pray that snakes won't eat them!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Oliver"
"Oliver who?
"Oliver you there are bugs!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Disease"
"Disease who?"
"Disease pants fit you?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Pikachu"
"Pikachu who?"
"Peek at you, why would I do that?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Peek Ash"
"Peek Ash who?"
"Pikachu, I choose you!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Thumping"
"Thumping who?
"Thumping slimy is on your leg."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Jess"
"Jess who?
"Jess me, open the door."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Steel"
"Steel who?"
"I'm steel waiting for you to open the door."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Juana"
"Juana who?
"Juana come out and play?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Ima"
"Ima who?
"Ima commin in, so open up."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Anita"
"Anita who?
"Anita ride to school."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"I.D. Man"
"I.D. Man who?"
"I demand you let me in!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Offer"
"Offer who?
"Offer got my key, let me in!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Tank"
"Tank who?"
"You're welcome!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Spell"
"Spell who?"
"W...H...O!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Toby"
"Toby who?"
"To be, or not to be. That is the question!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Kip"
"Kip who?"
"Keep your hands off of me!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Your mom"
"Your mom who?"
"You don't know who your mom is?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Cantalope"
"Cantalope who?"
"Can't elope tonight, I forgot the ladder."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Oswald"
"Oswald who?
"Oswald my gum!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Water"
"Water who?"
"What are you doing?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Justin"
"Justin who?
"Justin the neighborhood and thought I'd say hello!"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
"Dewey"
"Dewey who?
"Dewey have to listen to all this knocking!"

Product Packaging Gaffes

Mainly because of American laws and trigger-happy suers, dumbness has become part and parcel of product packaging. It's not just "Small parts - not for children under the age of 3 yrs" anymore. It has come to this:

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)

On Boots Children's Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Marketing Slogans in India

1) Sign on a railway station at Patna:
Aana free, jaana free, pakde gaye to khana free.

2) Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay:
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your grandmother!

3) Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative. More the success, more the relatives.

4)Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay:
We need your heads to run our business.

5)A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough, or else they never will be.....

6)Sign in a restaurant:
All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the manager.

THE BEST ONE :
7) Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations such as Jaish, Lashkar etc. Its our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and God.

Ads I Love: Breast Cancer Society of Canada

0 mts 30 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

Some people may find this commercial offensive and/or sexist, but I think it is highly effective. A guy offers his services to examine your breasts for lumps and cysts.

VIDEO: Meet Your Meat

PETA's propaganda video Meet Your Meat to promote vegetarianism.

12 mts 49 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

VIDEO: Bugging You

And here's the Minnie Riperton original:
3 mts 21 secs

Click on the image above, and then click on play button once it becomes available.

A collaborative essay

From the class of an English professor from the University of Phoenix:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. " A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.


(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mother ship launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air-headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)
Asshole.

(Gary)
Bitch

(Rebecca)
F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER)
*A+ - I really liked this one.*