Cleaning Up the Mess

Non Sequitur

VIDEO: Time for some campaignin'

2 mts 07 secs

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Geography

Ben Sargent

Calling the Kettle Black

Pat Oliphant

World's Oldest Jokes

Based on research conducted by UK TV channel Dave:

1. Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap (1900 BC – 1600 BC Sumerian Proverb Collection 1.12-1.13)

2. How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish (An abridged version first found in 1600 BC on the Westcar Papryus)

3. Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty: one owned the ox, the other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon's load. The owner of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be stolen. So they all went. In their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon's load. Problem: Who owns the calf?! (1200 BC)

4. A woman who was blind in one eye has been married to a man for 20 years. When he found another woman he said to her, "I shall divorce you because you are said to be blind in one eye." And she answered him: "Have you just discovered that after 20 years of marriage!?" (Egyptian circa 1100 BC)

5. Odysseus tells the Cyclops that his real name is nobody. When Odysseus instructs his men to attack the Cyclops, the Cyclops shouts: "Help, nobody is attacking me!" No one comes to help. (Homer. The Odyssey 800 BC)

6. Question: What animal walks on four feet in the morning, two at noon and three at evening? Answer: Man. He goes on all fours as a baby, on two feet as a man and uses a cane in old age (Appears in Oedipus Tyrannus and first performed in 429 BC)

7. Man is even more eager to copulate than a donkey - his purse is what restrains him (Egyptian, Ptolemaic Period 304 BC – 30 BC)

8. Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued he asked: "Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?" "No your Highness," he replied, "but my father was." (Credited to the Emporer Augustus 63 BC – 29 AD)

9. Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said "I've had a great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died." (Dated to the Philogelos 4th /5th Century AD)

10. Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: "In silence." (Collected in the Philogelos or "Laughter-Lover" the oldest extant jest book and compiled in the 4th/5th Century AD)

VIDEO: BBC Bible Code

46 mts 47 secs

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The Bible Code on BBC Horizon

VIDEO: Zamfir Unplugged

15 mts 30 secs

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The dance of clouds around Ben Nevis in Scotland.

Why men wear clothes...

Early experiences that convinced the human male to clothe himself.....

VIDEO: If you drive a car, watch this!

1 mt 30 secs

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VIDEO: Cats and Rabbits

2 mts 07 secs

Trusted Advisers

Born Loser

A blonde shopping for curtains

A blonde goes into a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman,"I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains." The salesman assured her that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed her several patterns,but the blonde seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally, she selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked what size curtains she needed.

The blonde replies, "Seventeen inches."

"Seventeen inches??", asked the salesman, "that sounds very small. What room are they for?" The blonde says, "Oh, they are not for any room - they are for my computer monitor."

The surprised salesman replies, "But, Miss, computers do not have curtains."

The blonde says, " Hellooooooooo - I've got Windows."

VIDEO: Pass the mic Montreal

2 mts 27 secs

VIDEO: Stripped

2 mts 25 secs

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Mission Accomplished

Garfield

The Best Known Man In The World

There was a man named Sulio and Sulio knew EVERYONE in the whole world!!! Once when Sulio got a new job, Sulio says to his new boss, "Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!"

His boss doesn't believe him, so he says "No you do not know everyone in the whole world"

But Sulio says "Yes I do!"

So Sulio's boss says "Well prove it!"

Then Sulio says "Pick someone... and I know them!"

Well Sulio's boss thinks for a minute and then comes up with a name. "Tom Selleck! I bet you don't know Tom Selleck!"

Sulio says "Tom Selleck! Tom and I were in boy scouts together when we were kids!"

But Sulio's boss says "No you weren't!"

Then Sulio says "Yes we were!"

So they fly to Hollywood and drive up to Tom Selleck's house. Sulio knocks on the door and Tom Selleck answers and Sulio goes "Tom!!!" and Tom goes "Sulio!" and they hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Sulio's boss can't believe it. But then he thinks "Well that could happen, it's just one person," so he tells Sulio and Sulio says "OK, pick somebody else!"

This time Sulio's boss has someone in mind! "The president, Bill Clinton! You don't know Bill Clinton!" but Sulio says "Oh yes I do! Bill and I were on debate team together in college!"

Sulio's boss says "No you weren't!"

And Sulio says "Yes we were!"

So they fly to Washington and they catch up with the President at a press conference.

They work their way through the crowd until Sulio get's close enough to catch Clinton's eye and waves "Bill!"

And the President waves "Sulio!"

And after the press conference they hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Sulio's boss is stunned-- he can't believe it.

But then he thinks "Well that's just two people in one country-- that doesn't mean he knows everyone in the whole world!" so he tells Sulio and Sulio says "OK, pick someone out of the world spectrum and I know them!"

And Sulio's boss knows just who to pick so he says "The Pope! You do not know the Pope!"

And Sulio says "The Pope! The Pope BAPTIZED me!"

And Sulio's boss says "No he didn't!"

And Sulio says "Yes he did!"

So they fly to Rome where the Pope is giving Mass in front of hundreds of thousands of people. They work their way through the crowd-- without much luck-- so Sulio says "Boss, we're never gonna get there together through all these people so I tell you what--I'll work my way up there and when I do, I'll give you a sign that shows you I know the Pope!" and he leaves.

Well Sulio's boss waits and waits and waits and just when he's about to give up, he sees the Pope come out onto the balcony and right there beside him is Sulio!

Shortly afterwards, Sulio's boss passes out. Sulio comes back and finds his boss passed out and he fans him and says "Boss! Boss! Wake up!" and when his boss comes to, he asks "Boss what happened?"

Sulio's boss looks at Sulio and says "OK, I can see Tom Selleck. I can see Bill Clinton... hell, I can even take the Pope! But when somebody standing next to me asks 'Who's that up there with Sulio?' that's a little more than I can take!

[Ed - Though I've just received it, you can see how old it is - Clinton was the president at the time!]

AUDIO: Te-as iubi dar nu stiu vorba

The song is called Trandafir de la Moldova (O! Rose of Moldova). I heard it for the first time a year ago. Enjoy!

3 mts 27 secs

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Trandafir de la Moldova,
Te-as iubi dar nu stiu vorba.

Lunca-i lunca, iarba-i verde,
Ce-am iubit nu se mai vede,
Ce-a fost verde s-a uscat,
Ce-am iubit s-a spulberat.

Trandafir moldovenesc,
Te-as iubi dar nu-ndraznesc, mai.

Trandafir de la Bacau,
Vino sa te iubesc eu, mai.

Trandafir din Dorohoi,
Sa ne iubim amandoi, mai

Teamwork

Garfield

VIDEO: Geisha

0 mts 36 secs

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VIDEO: Why Women Need Catalogs

0 mts 45 secs

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